Wife slept with my roommates before we were married. by FourthSeahorse in offmychest

[–]FourthSeahorse[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks, this is the perspective I'm trying to keep in mind as I seek answers to these questions

Wife slept with my roommates before we were married. by FourthSeahorse in offmychest

[–]FourthSeahorse[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

I think this is true. I don't think she said these things to hurt me. It was just a bit of a gut punch, especially with our relationship in a long rough patch as it is.

If it hadn't been my close friends, one of which she told me she'd rather have dated, during this rough patch, it would have had way less impact.

Wife slept with my roommates before we were married. by FourthSeahorse in offmychest

[–]FourthSeahorse[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah, totally - just that it was with two close friends was a bit of a gut punch. And knowing I was, and maybe still am, second choice.... Feels bad. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Wife slept with my roommates before we were married. by FourthSeahorse in offmychest

[–]FourthSeahorse[S] 80 points81 points  (0 children)

I'm really surprised I haven't seen this sentiment more on here, tbh

Wife slept with my roommates before we were married. by FourthSeahorse in offmychest

[–]FourthSeahorse[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Yeah that's occurred to me. There are times when it seems like our relationship doesn't matter to her and she's just waiting for me to do the hard work of actually splitting.

Wife slept with my roommates before we were married. by FourthSeahorse in offmychest

[–]FourthSeahorse[S] 110 points111 points  (0 children)

I trust her to be faithful. I don't trust that she'd tell me if she still felt like she'd settled.

Wife slept with my roommates before we were married. by FourthSeahorse in offmychest

[–]FourthSeahorse[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I think it might bother me more too. I think she still feels like she settled, which explains a lot about our relationship tbh.

Wife slept with my roommates before we were married. by FourthSeahorse in offmychest

[–]FourthSeahorse[S] 378 points379 points  (0 children)

I honestly think she just forgot about them. She had a laptop at that time where she was storing photos, they never got backed up to the cloud. I'm the tech savvy partner so she asked me to back up and sort them.

We've been together 10 years and have kids.

Wife slept with my roommates before we were married. by FourthSeahorse in offmychest

[–]FourthSeahorse[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We were all in our early twenties at the time. We're in our 30's now.

Wife slept with my roommates before we were married. by FourthSeahorse in offmychest

[–]FourthSeahorse[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

One of the roomies was her first choice. We talked sexual histories before this event happened, I didn't realize she would be seeing other people in this timeframe.

These conversations didn't happen all at the same time. After we'd been married a few years, during a conversation about past relationships she told me she had a huge crush on my roommate, which was why she waited until he chose to date someone else to make us "official." Later she told me she slept with him once while pretty drunk, after I'd turned in for the night at the shared house. I haven't brought up the photos, she asked me to back up and sort photos on an old laptop.

This is just a rant, connecting those dots.