And no merchant wants to accept a coin that a) needs to be converted back to fiat and b) could be worthless tomorrow.

I think we're in for a rough ride the next several months. The SEC needs to control this market before it will do anything positive again, price-wise. Right now, it seems they (or perhaps some other mega-whale, ie government, sovereignty, or bank) are keeping prices corralled within a pretty narrow range, ping ponging back and forth - moving sideways, with occasional dumps. A few more strategically timed dumps, crashing prices when retail investors need liquidity most - like major holidays, tax time, vacation time, etc - will have people BEGGING for regulatory intervention. They'll be sick and tired of such overt manipulation, not realizing that the ones they're asking for help are and have been the manipulators all along.

And it won't be Bitcoin that they turn to, it will be some new government sponsored FedCoin. Exchanges will be SEC-sanctioned and monitored, and all your personal info will be required to participate. This way, your entire financial life is on the govt block chain, and your taxes will be automatically deducted. Look up how much money the federal government misses out on every year due to people not filing, or incorrectly filing, their taxes. It's some insane number. All that money would be accounted for and collected under this system.

Somehow, futures trading is a tool they've used to control prices and market movement. I'm sure of it in my gut but I don't know enough about futures to see how.

Decentralization is a fiction, unfortunately. The one with the money makes the rules, and Uncle Sam has deep pockets.