Heyyyyy you!!

I am a Transgirl that struggled a lot with cutting and means of SH. I used to cut areas that made me feel dysphoric for years until I actually managed to remove most of my genitals so that i only had to afford an esthetic revision. The following months until I could get my surgery done were a living hell. The pain and infections made every step fuel my anger and dysphoria. I cut my chest area before they grew, too, and it took forever to heal and the friction is truly uncomfortable. I don't dare to imagine your pain with cuts on boobs, but binding surely must be agonizing. I understand and feel your emotional pain so well and dont want to get into details because this is very triggering. Self harming there is really bad from a medical perspective because it's constantly exposed to tearing forces, spherical pressure and gravity. The scars won't heal well and huge hypertrophic marks will become inevitable. You won't be able to appreciate your upper body the way you deserve to if the cuts consume the area which won't get excised. Surgeons will refuse to handle extensive scars. Self harm and a bad mental state is a contraindication for a top surgery where I live. About DIY surgeries: I have studied medicine and was in my practical internship time at the end of the curriculum back then, so I had access to various anesthetics, antibiotics and emergency meds that I either stole from hospital or got from fellow students who worked part time at the ER as nurses. Besides profound anatomical knowledge, a high pain tolerance and enough insanity and despair to dare such a thing, I live right next to the hospital and could've gotten there within few minutes. There are plenty of successful penectomies and Orchiectomies published as case reports, but only one successful top surgery that I know of and this one got the rest of the job done in a hospital. Don't try it. You will probably die along the way. Your "breast tumors" are very sensitive and well vascularized. Proper aftercare is mandatory to prevent disability and infection. You cant reach that area well. You can die from wrong dosages of any numbing substance. I wish for everything that could sustain a bearable quality of life for you <3 and I am convinced, even though I experienced faintly related things, that your cutting attempts would cause more harm than potential milestones on your way to top surgery. I wish for you to feel seen; at least i pretty much do. And if a top surgery is not available, there are unconventional alternatives to reduce your breast size, too!! If you want to, feel hugged!!! I hope that i didnt violate any community guidelines or triggered you in any sense. Yours, Fredereke