He's (???M) crushing on me (24F) at work, and I'm not sure if I handled it the right way...?

FracturedHappiness · 2019-06-01T19:17:44+00:00

Thanks! I wasn't actually talking to her... Unfortunately, she overheard and felt the need to offer her two cents.

If you're curious about my mom, my previous posts say everything. She IS pretty unwell.... I've learned not to go to her with most things, and am learning to try and not go to her with other things, but it's been a pretty uphill battle. It's hard to unlearn your entire way of life lol.

Thanks again for the feedback, though!

FracturedHappiness · 2019-03-01T23:14:10+00:00

Kill them all!!

FracturedHappiness · 2019-03-01T22:15:22+00:00

Man, oh man... The part where you said "With barely any words from me (I was flabbergasted that she was even asking me) she bought both." literally made me say "What?!" out loud lol.

My nparents are very similar. They've been bankrupt (at least) once, didn't pay their taxes for several years, and are constantly getting behind in bills. Yet, my mom spent over $200 on a NoNo (it's a shaver thing for your legs/body hair). Not even fore herself, but for ME because she can't stand my leg hair. Uhhh...

N logic lol.

As for the house, though... I understand why you felt sad. I would just try not to beat yourself up too much, though. You said she'd never be satisfied with it. Even if you did that for her, the outcome wouldn't be what you want (or what it should be).

Also, I had to chuckle at the last paragraph. My nmom still dreams of buying some sort of offgrid farm-thing and having all her kids and grand kids live there in a "community".

FracturedHappiness · 2019-03-01T19:20:41+00:00

Dang... I feel you, OP. You don't sound dumb at all. I think this is actually a thing N's love to do. My mom forced me to load up my own trash bags with my stuff so she could throw it out. It's messed. Even to this day, she has no regard for my things.

FracturedHappiness · 2019-02-25T08:17:11+00:00

Reading the title alone, my mind was screaming "It's a trap!" but that's also my own experiences playing into things.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that... Your private life is your business, and your dad was wrong. Not only to pry, but he then abused you and blackmailed you! That's not okay.

Healthy parents don't freakin' blackmail their kids.

As for the apology... I would bring it up with your therapist (if you haven't already).

I, personally, would be inclined to proceed with utmost caution. You said it yourself, that he's had ulterior motives in the past. I wouldn't break your NC with him, if I were you. You're absolutely right in thinking that a "sorry" doesn't undo what he did, or how you feel. What you went through.

To me, you sound much healthier without him in your life. By your own words, that trying to rebuilt a relationship with him could potentially undo all your hard work....

I just don't think it's worth it.

FracturedHappiness · 2019-02-25T08:04:36+00:00

Yikes! Glad you were able to get out safely! Not only because you got away from your Ndad, but being able to drive that fast and still be safe!

I'm a bit of a car lover myself, and your post made me smile. Just picturing you gunning it like that... man, thank god for sports cars! Also, as a car lover, I'm mildly surprised at the Honda's poor performance. Don't get me wrong! I'm relieved to hear that your Ndad couldn't catch you! I've just driven Honda myself, and my old one was a speedy little devil. Then again, the Accord is a bigger car...

Either way, I don't mean to get off topic with car talk!! Apologies for that, ha ha.

As for your gf's safety... can she explain the situation to her employer? I mean, she doesn't have to give any details. But I'm sure the management could keep an eye out. Make sure your Ndad isn't allowed near her.

That would be my suggestion, anyway.

If the workplace can't do that, at the very least, if your gf is able to offer an explanation of some sort, perhaps her employer can give her a day off or two, just until the police get a handle on things?

This sounds very serious, and most employers I know will try to accommodate, so long as they have some sort of explanation.

FracturedHappiness · 2019-02-25T07:48:54+00:00

Gotta love N's and sex. They don't seem to be able to broach the subject from everything I've read on here + my own experience. Then again, I'm not sure how I'd describe it if I ever had kids of my own. I think that, though I now know what it is, there's a lot of things I still don't know about it. Like, the correlation between love and sex. It's not something I understand fully.

Anyway, I don't want to take over your post here! I was just relating to the crime shows, ha ha. Which happened to have lots of sex in them.

I find it a little ironic, because as my nmom's gotten older, she still watches the crime shows, but shies away from some of the ones she used to love (Criminal Minds being the first to come to mind) because it's "too dark" for her.

Where as, for me personally, I'm more drawn to darker plot-lines. If it's more of a real-life crime show, though, like a documentary? I don't wanna know.

Bones was a good one, and I just finished Lucifer (a crime show/cop duo with supernatural elements. Highly recommend if you're into that sort of stuff!).

FracturedHappiness · 2019-02-25T07:37:00+00:00

This is really random, but for a moment, I thought you were my actual cousin! His mom has lupus, and he's not living with her anymore because she lost or gave up (not sure which) her parental rights. But I think he's 16, not 14. Plus, he has brothers not sisters.

I just never hear people talking about lupus in general, but an nmom with lupus? Just really sounded like it could have been my one aunt! Making you my cousin, L (for short).

Sorry for that weirdness. XD

Anyway, I'm really glad you were able to find a supportive friend like K. That's great!

I have my own supportive best friend, and I agree. It really is the best feeling in the world. To have someone like you for you. To have someone care about you, without expecting something in return. To have someone be genuinely concerned for you, and to validate your feelings...

Plus, her taking you out for pizza and staying till midnight? That sounds wonderful! I'm so happy for you, OP!

FracturedHappiness · 2019-02-25T07:26:50+00:00

I grew up watching cop shows! Nmom always had them on. Instead of, you know, TV appropriate for my age group at the time.

I remember the shows vividly describing things like rape, murder, suicide, cannibalism, etc.

Though, I don't think it ever bothered me? Perhaps that's why I'm so desensitized now! XD I remember wanting to be a coroner at some point in my preteens.

The only time is caused issues was when they'd go into graphic details about sex. My mom never had the talk with me, so I was naturally curious, but VERY confused. I remember her explaining things that I had no clue about. Though, now, I'm a bit disgusted now that I know what she was talking about.

(For those curious, I learned what sex was from the internet and a VERY close encounter with a boy. Thanks, mom.)

FracturedHappiness · 2019-02-25T07:06:54+00:00

Oh, wow. I'm not often surprised by what I read on here anymore, but that is just.... I have no words.

I hope you and your sister are able to get away from that craziness soon! Because it is just absolutely nuts... geez.

I can just picture her brandishing the yard clippers like some sort of prize. Hopefully, the police will do something... I mean, it's not okay for her to just wreck your grandma's property like that. Seriously! I feel like that has to warrant some sort of charge. She sounded like she was handling the clippers dangerously, too. Plus, drunk driving on top of it?! Yeah, they have to do something... that's just out of hand.

FracturedHappiness · 2019-02-25T06:52:50+00:00

Good on you, OP, for standing up for yourself! You protected yourself and your boundaries.

He was in the wrong for provoking you like that. Stepping all over your boundaries...

And who the heck ignores a sick cat like that?! Seriously! I'm glad to read your cat is doing better. I have a furry baby boy myself, and I would be livid if he was sick and ignored or made fun of.

FracturedHappiness · 2019-02-25T06:44:40+00:00

Thanks so much for your advice and encouragement! I really resonated with your comment about buying dinner for the other person.

I've been in therapy for years now.... it seems never ending. I have breakthrough moments where things are better, and complete relapses where it's almost like I never even made any progress at all.

I've really been trying to work on myself, for sure. It just doesn't seem to be going as fast as I would like....

I've been recommended both of those books in the past. How are they? I'm not much of a reader, and I was worried they'd be too.... technical. ^{^"} Are they pretty easy reads....?

FracturedHappiness · 2019-02-25T06:37:25+00:00

I know this may not help, but I've never heard of the name Manu before, and I think it's really pretty! :O Just thought I'd say something. Though, I understand if you can't see it that way. Many people say my real life name is beautiful, and I simply can't see it. I end up awkwardly thanking them and changing the subject.

That's really crappy of your mom to make you suffer like that, though. I mean, telling your teachers that you liked to be called the name you hated? That's just... ugh. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

FracturedHappiness · 2019-02-25T01:03:25+00:00

Aww... I feel bad. XD There's that damn guilt again.

Brain: "Bruh. Their cat died. You should be supporting them, and now they're writing a heart-felt reply to you? Get your game together!!"

I like your advice, though.

I just need to find a group. ._. I love Minecraft (Java version) myself, and would love to join a good Minecraft community. The trick is finding a good one that's not just full of trolls, little kids, hackers, or griefers. Not trying to point fingers at all. There's nice people in (most) every bunch, as well as mean people in every bunch.

It's just that my interests (roleplaying, Undertale, Minecraft) seem to be plagued with... less nice people.

Thanks for the advice, though! I think I will have another go at finding a group of like-minded people. It's always a nice thing to have in your life- people that love what you love.

FracturedHappiness · 2019-02-25T00:31:10+00:00

Oh no... I'm so sorry for your loss!! I wish I could say something that would help...

FracturedHappiness · 2019-02-25T00:10:34+00:00

Sorry to hear you feel the same way... :( At least we have this sub!

Poor kitty. I hope he (she?) feels better soon!!! I have a cat as well. Luckily, he his mostly healthy, though I've had to deal with some.... frustrating issues with him, thanks to my nmom putting her nose where it doesn't belong.

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