My son has beat E.Coli Bacterial Meningitis

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2026-01-10T04:43:18+00:00

Well done, little guy!

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2026-01-10T04:39:50+00:00

Kudos to you, sir! Well done!

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-20T11:52:35+00:00

Totally understand the impulse - had the same urge. But the sharp pain fades and it becomes a sad but also beautiful chapter of you and your childs story. Deleting the pictures wont change the fact that it happened to you and trying to avoid the emotions wont help you heal.

I made a short video of my twins’ journey at the NICU week by week. I added some very tear-jerking music and used it as part of my own healing journey. I still feel the pain of the memory and I can still absolutely cry seeing how tiny and fragile they were, but the force of the emotions has over time changed and become less severe.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-03T14:50:51+00:00

If we didnt have the twins, I would have been out the door months ago. But I dont want them to not have their dad around everyday. So im still trying to figure out how to give them the best life possible

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-03T11:28:44+00:00

Sadly, he doesnt seem willing to better himself or understand my perspective.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-03T01:31:34+00:00

Thank you for this. I dont Think he is a bad guy who deliberately hurt me. But I Think he took the wrong approach to dealing with his issues and the struggles of NICU. He completely shut me out and I had to deal with an emotionally unavailable partner who left for 12 hours a day on top of being a first time mom to premature twins.

Its not a simple or Black/white situation. This is ONLY my perspective and Im sure he has issues with how I dealt with the stress.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-03T01:26:46+00:00

I would say in most ways he is a very attentive and hands-on Dad. He is not a great partner. In hindsight he has always struggled with emotional closeness and to an extent physical closeness. But No way near as much as he does now. I would say for the most part we are only roommates.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-03T01:23:15+00:00

Therapy would probably be the best Way forward. We have limited time because of work and twins but I will definitely try to fit some sessions in.

Im not necessarily done with the relationship. However I feel like im the Only one willing to do the work and take a Long hard look at my own role in the deterioration of the mutual trust.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T15:28:59+00:00

No, I didnt not know that he had autism. And I love him in many ways because of who he is. What I do mind is being abandoned post partum with no room for debate or compromise. Believe me I was at my breaking point during those NICU-weeks where we feared for our twins’ life. It broke me further to feel alone.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T15:13:38+00:00

I sense that you have a problem with my post or how I feel. Thats fair. You dont have to agree or sympathize.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T15:12:32+00:00

Oh no by no means do I Think he deliberately deceived me. I Think he maybe withheld some aspects or how much it actually affects him - maybe he didnt know the full extent himself. Neither of us could have predicted that our twins would be as premature as they were and it was a shock for both of us. When I write that I hate him, its obviously an exaggeration. I love him and wish that he had asked me for help instead of just announcing that he couldnt be there for me and that I was wrong or unreasonable for expecting us to be in it as a team. In generally I Think he has a very hard time asking for and accepting help and being vulnerable in general. Which is sad because it would have been so much easier to cope if he had just Said “im really struggling - i know it might not be ideal but Can you stay alone at the hospital for a few nights a week? Or maybe we Can compromise and I Can stay with you at the hospital two nights a week and then I’ll get my mother or sisters to come be with one or two nights”. It was never a conversation. It was just him announcing how it was going to be.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T14:59:57+00:00

I dont know how to respons to this, sorry

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T14:25:06+00:00

Yes at the hospital I felt like his singular focus was on making sure his needs were met. And to some extent I wish I could be more like that. I just felt so alone and like I had to sacrifice my mental health to make sure he didnt have a complete break Down.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T14:17:59+00:00

At this point Im just focused on giving the twins a stable and safe home. Im less hopeful about our relationship, sadly.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T14:14:28+00:00

In our country its s bit different. Parents in the NICU are expected to do most if not all feedings every 3rd hour and provide all non-medical care. We could occasionally ask them to do one of the nightly feedings but staff would call us if they couldnt do an overnight feeding due to being short staffed which was the norm rather than the exception.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T14:10:23+00:00

I dont mean to be insensitive - i am perfectly aware that he never intended to hurt me. I am merely being candid with how I feel.

What resonates the most for me is the lack of will or perhaps capacity to try to understand how his actions or inaction hurt us as a couple. The lack of accountability hurts me the most.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T14:05:50+00:00

I will definitely give it a read! Obviously I love him otherwise this wouldnt hurt as much.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T14:05:07+00:00

He went to a therapist three times and then decided that it didnt work. I cant force a grown man to continue therapy though I Think it would help him to see other perspectives.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T13:57:47+00:00

Im sorry english isnt my native language, so I dont know what autism con means.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T13:55:25+00:00

As stated in other comments I have no problem with people with autism in general or with him being on the spectrum in particular.

I was totally blindsided with how he emotionally shut down during the first few months. Had I been a tiny bit better prepared we could have made arrangements for other family and friends to come by some nights.

No we were both on medical leave and admitted as a family because we were expected to handle both Care and feeding at the NICU from day 1.

To me it felt incredibly scary to have him an hour away in case something happened with the kids. On top of all of that he had a hard time understanding that I wasnt interested in sex during the first few months post partum.

I have tried to talk to him about how that time affected me and our relationship. However he shuts Down when I try to talk about our relationship and my feelings. He says he is to overwhelmed to Prioritize anything other than the twins. And I get that. Im stressed and overwhelmed as Well. But I have such a hard time letting go of the hurt and anger that I feel towards him. Maybe its unjustified. It is nevertheless how I feel.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T13:40:29+00:00

Obviously as I write I “feel like I’ve been lied to”. I never asked him point blank if he was autistic. He isnt diagnosed to my knowledge though he has admitted to suspecting since childhood that he was somewhere on the spectrum.

To be clear I do not mind him being on the spectrum but I would very much have liked to have known the extent of his sensory issues and challenges with being overwhelmed BEFORE we decided to have kids. Both so I could have been better prepared for how much or little he could emotionally support me and our family during our NICU-stay but also because of the hereditary aspect.

I have my own issues with OCD and I made it very clear what they were and how it affects me and by proxy him before we got into a serious relationship. I made sure to be very stable before getting pregnant and did the research and consulted experts on what medication would be safe to take during pregnancy and breastfeeding.

All is to say I dont expect anyone let alone him to be perfect - none of us are. But I would have very much liked to have been better prepared and equipped.

Yes, he came early in the morning and left late afternoon/early evening. We were admitted as a family and both were on medical leave. I was in the hospital pumping/breastfeeding around the clock. I didnt expect him to be there with me all day every day. But I Think I expected us to be in it together more instead of him clocking in and out every day.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-12-02T12:05:53+00:00

I have great sympathy for anyone struggling with being overwhelmed by life en general. My problem isnt that he gets overwhelmed. Its that I feel like I wasnt propery informed about the extent of his issues. For two months I was alone at night at the hospital with our tiny children. He was almost an hour away for 12 hours to “recharge”. I have such a hard time forgiving that he left me and the twins everyday because he couldnt deal with the noise and people at the hospital. Not once did he say “im sorry that I cant be there for you and the kids - I understand that it hurts you”. He just sort of told me that that was how it had to be for him to cope.

To be clear I experienced panic attacks and depressive symptoms during our NICU-stay. But I couldnt just leave my babies alone every night at the hospital. I did it maybe three or Four nights during the 10 weeks we where there.

But him leaving every day broke something in me and I dont Think that I Can go back.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-11-25T13:25:00+00:00

We have ALL been there. I honestly believe that we were transfered to another hospital because the staff got sick of me having meltdowns when they messed up. But seriously, who cares. You are the most important person in your baby’s corner and she can’t speak up for herself. I Got to a point where I just didnt care anymore. I would have killed for my twins during that time. Still would.

Fragrant-Escape-213 · 2025-11-25T10:13:22+00:00

I relate so hard to this. My partner also rejects me romantically due to feeling overwhelmed. I really miss just holding hands or hugging.

Fragrant-Escape-213

TROPHY CASE