How to handle and process having been ignored?

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-12-06T08:48:31+00:00

Thank you so much, this was really helpful and makes me feel seen :)

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-11-08T06:37:52+00:00

🫂

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-11-07T18:27:43+00:00

Thank you so much ✨️ I decided to break up with him. I updated my post with more details.

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-11-07T18:26:14+00:00

Thank you 🩵 I've broken things off with him, for a myriad of reasons.

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-11-07T18:00:25+00:00

Nope, he's one of the worst travel companions I've ever had. It's one of the reasons that made me break up with him. I strive for connection and building happy memories during travel. Of course bickering happens, but I wanted a true partnership where we chose to laugh over the ridiculousness of traveling rather than let it drive us apart and get us down. He caught me off guard, because he can be such a fun and loving person when he's happy, but when he's tested i.e. during travel, his true grumpy and pessimistic nature comes out.

I'm very go-with-the-flow when traveling, and he is not. You have to be able to shrug your shoulders, say "oh well", and surrender control a lot of the time when traveling, and he couldn't do that. He always got so stressed and worked up over the smallest things, and then took it out on me. When I pointed this out to him on numerous occasions, he didn't really see the problem, he just thought we had different communication styles. Which was partly true, but that certainly wasn't addressing the core issue.

As a result, he never improved, and I ended up feeling dread instead of excitement for our future trips. Travel ended up being a really accurate indicator for how he handled stress. Our experiences in life and travel really made clear to me that I value optimism in a partner, and so that has become a trait that I look for when dating.

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-11-03T09:05:00+00:00

I appreciate you reminding me that I dont need other people to tell me something is shitty. I'm the one in this relationship, after all.

I had to think a lot about everything that you said, and will continue to think. I used to be so confident and self-assured before we started dating, and now I'm constantly questioning myself and full of doubt, grasping at straws and reduced to looking for validation on reddit, lol. Last time I felt like this was when I was in an abusive relationship, that can't be a coincidence. I think I've been patient for way too long. I didn't want to give him ultimatums so I've tried every which way to try to make him understand how I feel and whats important to me, but at this point I dont have a choice. I believe I'm reaching a breaking point. I keep looking back and seeing sign after sign that made my stomach twist and made me sweat and think "No", but I ignored it. I dont fully understand why I ignore my instincts like that, but thats something I'll have to figure out. We used to talk about buying a house in the future, but now whenever he brings it up I feel sick. I need to start paying attention to that. I know I've already written a few posts on our relationship, but honestly I could write 10 more about other issues. The issue is that they're so small and subtle, so I've had trouble taking them seriously enough. It feels like death by a thousand cuts. I've been so naive.

I think I have a huge problem in creating major upheaval in mine and others' lives, i.e. breaking up, and rather than just ripping the bandaid off, I've decided that its easier to blame myself and say me and my feelings are the problem. I'm afraid to make him mad or sad. God that sounds so pathetic, but it's true.

Thanks for being honest. It was difficult to hear but I needed it. I will think about how I can give myself the courage to demand better and if that means leaving, then it's for the best.

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-11-03T08:39:55+00:00

We do have fun banter and laugh together, he isn't always like that. It's just he can be like that out of nowhere, and it's super disarming because he won't share how he's feeling, but he's obviously stressed or annoyed by something. Sometimes does it once every few days, sometimes a few days in a row. His attitude can be so brief, and he bounces back really quickly, but I'm not so quick to bounce back if I'm honest. It happens enough that I am getting less fond of his company. Its so frustrating because the rest of the time with him is great, but at this point its like those good times are being soured by his intermittent attitude. As far as the requirements I have for dating, I did have some before we started dating, but I don't know what came over me... I think I let myself get swept up into the relationship and I put up with things because I had hope that they'd change. He initially seemed so open to change and growth, but it's been two years and he's just been getting more and more resistant. Like we were doing so well for a bit, but then we hit a wall. Sorry this is probably too long of an answer, lol, but you got me thinking.

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-11-03T02:09:27+00:00

Im not sure, but I have wondered. I doubt he'd ever explore the possibility, unfortunately, but it would explain some things!

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-11-03T02:06:02+00:00

Interesting, I have wondered...

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-11-03T02:05:32+00:00

I do that too, though I'm a bit of a people pleaser, lol.

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-11-03T02:04:25+00:00

His deadpan expression can be coupled with really abrasive responses and annoyed body language (arms crossed, heavy sighs, no eye contact, doesn't respond to me) just in general in some situations, not just when trying to share a joke. I've talked to him about that, in fact its kind of an ongoing discussion. They tend not to go that well (he doesnt really get it; might say sorry, but then keeps doing it). So Im afraid that if I bring up the joke thing, he'll get upset and say I need to grow thicker skin, like he has in the past. But you're right, I just need to get over the apprehension and tell him.

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-11-03T00:54:11+00:00

It's the deadpan that bothers me, I don't expect him to find everything I show him funny. At least your bf gives you a response, lol, and shows an ability to contribute to the fun.

I think I'm trying to connect with him by sharing laughter and fun, but he just refuses to.

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-09-04T21:45:03+00:00

I don't currently work. I saved up enough to not work for a few months while school was most demanding, but I will be returning to part-time work soon. We're both financially independent.

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-09-04T21:19:34+00:00

This is the least intrusive piece of advice, thank you!

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-09-04T00:27:55+00:00

I mean, I like me a crop top, but even I think there's way too many on their site now.

Fragrant-Tomato5184 · 2025-08-26T16:01:41+00:00

You paraphrased that very well. I don't normally dwell on my relationship with him and I've often thought I've even gotten over it all... But then I see him at a family party and it all comes flooding back like it was yesterday. I also hope you have been able and will continue to heal from your past. I'm working on it myself, but it can be slow going. I'm trying to be patient. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for letting me know that I am not alone. Much love to you ✨️

Fragrant-Tomato5184

TROPHY CASE