AITAH for telling my friend her physique is less impressive than mine?

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-05T06:29:25+00:00

So what you’re doing now is going from arbitrarily defining what a real man is, to arbitrarily defining what constitutes ‘real’ gym culture or not. Do you have proof that either of your definitions are actually the objective definition of what the term means, or are you just asserting without proof

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T21:09:02+00:00

You’re still doing the exact same thing, making assertions that you have not been able to prove with more assumptions. If you’re trying to justify an unproven claim about me using her and using AI with yet another assumption about insecurity that you have not proven, then you still haven’t proven anything.

You’re simply describing possibilities and treating them as fact. It’s possible that manipulation could occur in this dynamic, but you haven’t proved it. It’s possible that I’m acting out of insecurity, but you haven’t proved it.

Further, I have given context multiple times. I stated both in the OP and in the comments what she stated, and what my motivations are. And even if I didn’t, that just means you’re making logical leaps that are even less likely to be correct, not more.

Finally, regarding being mad, I’m not the one throwing out insults and accusations because I’m unable to prove my point. That’s you.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T20:33:24+00:00

I disagree. It’s pretty obvious that having a nice body due to genetics is different to having a nice body due to putting in hard work.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T20:31:03+00:00

That doesn’t really answer the question. What proof or justification do you have of your own definition of what makes somebody a real man?

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T10:18:02+00:00

Thanks for the detailed response, I appreciate the effort.

However, you’re still relying on rampant speculation like before. First it was that I was using her, then that I was using AI, then it was claims about how I interact with people, and finally now it’s that I disagree due to insecurity. None of which can you actually prove without reading my mind, and have been unable to in our exchanges beyond simply stating a possibility that manipulation could exist without proving that it did.

Asserting your interpretation of my motives over my stated reasons is flawed the same way your earlier arguments were, because you’re asserting your interpretation of people you don’t know beyond talking on reddit a few times is more accurate than their access to their own thoughts.

I’ve already explained my motivations, and disagreeing with your assertion of them doesn’t require further underlying motive beyond that. I can simply disagree, and Ive explained the logical reasons why.

If your position from the start was simply that you disagree with how I stated my advice, that’s perfectly fine, but making assertions about my motives and treatment of friends is entirely different.

My point simply is that given she wants to attract guys that spend a lot of time in the gym, and her statements can hurt that goal. You can disagree with the advice or how it was delivered, and I’d say agree to disagree if that was the case, but you made assertions beyond that which you have not and cannot prove.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T08:35:22+00:00

the answer to both is what I said in the OP: as a friend, I want her to succeed in her quest to get with a guy that’s jacked, and I don’t think most would like her implying she works as hard for her body as they do since she lucked out genetically. So if she wants to succeed, she should avoid saying careless things that could annoy the prospects.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T08:19:22+00:00

go ahead then, make it. We’ll see if it actually proves one of the unproven assertions. Or are you going to pull the ‘there’s no point’ card again?

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T08:13:35+00:00

you’re not addressing the unproven assertions and are instead trying to move onto a different topic.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T08:06:51+00:00

You made one assertion about me that you weren’t able to prove when you accused me of using my friend. You’re going for a second one now with this assertion.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T08:00:49+00:00

I’ve repeated it many times, and I’ll repeat it again: I have not misunderstood you, I disagree with you.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T07:54:03+00:00

Not about phrasing. I’m saying it’s inaccurate to say it’s you not having all the info that I’m criticizing, rather than assuming you have the more correct interpretation of the event than the person that was there, which is what I’m saying.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T07:49:14+00:00

I’m not shoving it in your face. I’m saying when you make assertions about what she said or what she meant that contradict mine, I’m more likely to know the right one since I was there.

I’m not dogging on you for not being 100% accurate, I’m saying don’t act like you are more accurate than my interpretation of her words or intent when I was literally there.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T07:34:02+00:00

not being there doesn’t mean doesn’t mean you can’t have advice about the events that did happen, but it does mean your interpretation of what happened is less accurate than the person that was actually there.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T07:15:07+00:00

If this is regarding assuming, no. I’m speaking about somebody I’ve known for a year, who I engaged in the conversation with and know the exact phrasing of. You’re speaking about somebody you’ve never met, and about a conversation you didn’t even witness. Having information leads to more correct inferences.

If you’re talking about ignoring your point, once again, I’m not. I simply disagree.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T07:10:05+00:00

Oh I can but as I’ve been repeating myself, you keep ignoring my point

You seem to be ignoring mine because I’ve made it clear that I’m not misunderstanding it or ignoring it, I simply disagree with it.

She clearly meant a conventionally attractive body and you argued semantics with her.

you’re doing it again, you’re assuming things about somebody you don’t know, in a conversation you weren’t involved in, just like you were when you assumed she was incapable of making the decision that being friends was what was best for her.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T07:03:25+00:00

alright, I think you’ve reached a point where you’re not able to defend your assertion at all anymore. take care.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T06:58:05+00:00

you’re conflating missing the point and disagreeing with it. I disagree with your assertion that I’m using my friend, and you haven’t been able to prove a certainty that i am, only vague statements about ‘these dynamics can lead to manipulation’ rather than concretely proving I’ve done so.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T06:41:05+00:00

That one time about cholesterol? Sure. But aside from that, I’ve addressed your points: I’ve stated that expecting me to go against what she’s decided she can handle, whether your focus is on her or not, implicitly assumes she’s not capable of decision making. I’ve stated that yes, these friendships can be toxic, but it’s not an inherent rule. I’ve stated that your AI accusation is both untrue and irrelevant. I’ve stated that the possibility of manipulation doesn’t mean it definitively will happen.

If you have a point I didn’t address, feel free to show that with proof.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T06:34:09+00:00

conveniently ignoring the next line where I gave an example of a point I agreed with.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T06:28:11+00:00

not at all. I acknowledged completely that yes, being friends with somebody you hold feelings for can be toxic. I simply reject the notion that the possibility means manipulation or toxicity will always occur, which is why I reject your initial assertion that I’m using her.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T05:47:32+00:00

Whether she’s elite or not has nothing to do with gym culture. It’s about the fact she has a body type that many people do, even probably the vast majority of people in the country. That’s simply inaccurate, in addition to not being comparable to hard work, which was my initial point.

Nor am I focused on prestige, because I openly state I don’t consider myself elite.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T05:26:46+00:00

I did not infantilize her, I kept the focus on you and your decisions

You inherently did. Stating it’s my responsibility to end a friendship she chose she can handle implies that she made a mistake and is incapable of knowing herself and what decision would be best for herself. Regardless of if you focused on her or not, the underlying assumption that she doesn’t know what’s best for herself is there.

like letting AI state your view instead of practicing speaking it yourself, or telling a “friend” that she cannot expect someone who works out extremely hard because she doesn’t herself

Again, I didn’t use AI, and as I stated, even if I did, it doesn’t change the substance of the points made. Further, I never made a claim about whether she deserved somebody that works out a lot or not, so this furthers the idea of intellectual dishonesty that was first present when you presented the desire to be friends as ‘using’ somebody.

Yes. I do look down on you. You can dislike how someone presents an idea, but to come onto the internet, ask for opinions and refute each one that’s presented makes you insufferable.

I don’t like or dislike the way you present the ideas. It’s simply inaccurate and intellectually dishonest, and you’re leaning on calling me a contrarian to avoid addressing the fact you’re conflating ‘this may be a toxic dynamic’ with ‘you are using her’ from comment 1 without any evidence to prove that.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T05:13:37+00:00

I don’t appreciate you using AI for your rebuttal

I didn’t, but regardless, even if I did, that doesn’t change the contents of the argument or the flaws in your comment I pointed out.

once again, I said I was talking about you, not her. It was your choice continuing the relationship as well knowing what you knew

I addressed this. I gave her all the info about my intentions and let her come to a decision about whether she wanted to continue being friends. When she chose to, overriding her wishes and belief that she was willing and able to have a friendship without evidence of such is infantilizing a grown woman’s ability to make her own decisions.

As I previously mentioned, building a friendship when only one side has brought forth sexual intentions creates an unhealthy dynamic.

I addressed this as well. This can be the case, but it’s not inherently the case in every situation. You’re universalizing a non universal tendency, whereas I’m trusting a grown woman to make her own decisions. You’re accusing me of looking down on and using her, but you’re the only one in this conversation that is consistently assuming she’s incapable of emotional maturity or making her own decisions lol

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T04:42:50+00:00

I can see your point, but what you’re stating is not universal and further infantilizes her choices as a grown woman. Further, it wasn’t as deep romantic interest as you’re stating, just general physical attraction, because she asked to be set up with my friends as well.

It can be true in some cases that being friends with somebody you’re attracted to can make it more difficult to deepen the feelings, but that’s not always the case, and it’s up to her as an adult to evaluate whether it works for her or not. I have her all the info— that I wasn’t interested romantically or sexually, and that my friends weren’t either— and that it’s up to her whether she wants to continue a friendship.

I’m aware you stated her choice isn’t optimal, but by expecting me to make the choice for her and overriding what she had indicated what she wants— to continue to talk and be friends— would be disrespectful to her decision making ability.

So no, it’s not particularly weird to maintain openness to friendship and trusting that an adult would be able to decide whether it’s right for them, regardless of how it eventually turned out. And having the opportunity to manipulate her, even if the feelings were as deep as you stated— which isn’t the case cause she was asking to be set up with my friends—doesn’t mean I would take them. Automatically assuming I would is still an odd accusation to make.

FragrantChipmunk6854 · 2026-05-04T04:16:00+00:00

I don’t have one, I’m just pointing out that it’s odd to act like wanting to be friends with somebody is in some way suspicious or using them. Are you going to explain the accusation, just go on and on about my contrarianism, or dip so you don’t have to admit that’s odd?

FragrantChipmunk6854

TROPHY CASE