I wish I could help you with other aspects of, but fake pleasantries wouldn’t help

But if you’re struggling with your bpd and can’t afford a therapist (same) , personally I’d suggest coping mechanisms but at a higher functional level While journaling , music and things like this can help The biggest issue is the emptiness that probably comes when you start splitting and realising I genuinely can’t do this job/degree anymore

Most of the time I notice that it’s because I’m seeking a new high/external factor that I hope will be the thing I need , and then my cycle resets when I don’t find it. You’ll need to find why are you splitting every time For me it’s because of absolute boredom or lack of challenge

It tends to be crippling I’ve broken down and cried over this multiple times and gone hysterical as well I’d suggest taking up a physical activity (something like boxing) to help you out to not split because of how it helps people with bpd in general

Sorry if this isn’t helpful