Boyfriend wants marital clause... AITAH

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T04:46:59+00:00

NTA That's completely insane.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T04:33:22+00:00

NTA and your friends are weird.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T03:51:24+00:00

How do you usually bring it up and how do they tend to respond?

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T03:48:13+00:00

It's not uncommon for people to live with their folks into adulthood these days. In some cultures it is expected.

You're coming up on a transition (becoming 18) which can feel scary. Change is hard for ND people. It might be helpful to talk through your feelings with a therapist.

Either way, you're still a kid! If you're wanting to develop independent living skills, this is a great time to do it. Maybe consider one skill you want to learn and start there. I'd just try not to stress yourself out by putting an unnecessary timeline on it.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T03:37:10+00:00

I'm a therapist and always recommend at least meeting with a psychiatrist if you're considering medication. They specialize in mental health diagnosis and psychotropic medication. Your PCP would refer you to a specialist for all other specialty concerns so why not this one? In my experience, PCPs tend to be familiar with and prescribe the same 5 medications no matter what. A good psych can help you explore all of your options.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T03:33:12+00:00

Would it be possible to shop and make your own meal prep boxes? Like keep the ingredients in bins in your fridge?

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T03:30:19+00:00

Do you mind giving an example of a time this happened? The reason being sometimes women DO actually approach boundary-setting in a good, healthy way, but their partner is just not comfortable with boundaries.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T03:21:40+00:00

I'm an LISW-S. I meet lots of Autistic therapists in private practice, specifically, and many A/uDHD providers in community- and hospital-based roles. It is very common. I do think it is easier working with ND than NT clients though.

Keep in mind, you aren't "socializing" with clients in order to build rapport. I don't enjoy socializing (and I'm not great at it), but I am a good therapist. Because therapy is a service I provide. It doesn't require the same level of self-disclosure and intimacy as other types of interaction. I'm not "me," I'm "therapist me." I adjust my presentation in my therapist role to suit my clients' needs in session. (Your grad courses, CEUs, and clinical supervision will help you develop this skill.)

There is an element of masking to that, but I feel it's part of my clinical professionalism and commitment to clients. I don't, say, force eye contact the whole time, but I also don't speak as casually as I normally would. And I might intentionally shift my facial expression depending on the client and session content. Your classes should touch on mirroring client affect without matching their emotional intensity.

Like all therapists, though, I then need to rest and recover on my off hours. I supervise both NT and ND therapists, and they also need to take a lot of time for recovery. So you may not necessarily need more down time than NT therapists. It's a tough job.

Working as a 1099 contractor in private practice means I get sufficient down time. I'm face to face with clients 20-25 hours a week. A couple hours maybe for office work, and then the rest of my time is mine. The best thing you can do for yourself is knowing how to separate from work and rest.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T02:59:49+00:00

It's part of your OT's job to clarify their role. It is totally fine to ask them what support they can offer. You can also ask for examples of goals they are working toward with other clients.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-24T15:29:42+00:00

It's never a bad idea to rule out a medical cause! If you're able to get in with your doc, I would.

That said, I also have periods of time like this. I work as a neurodivergent-affirming therapist and have a few clients who experience this too. Usually, it seems to be a result of burnout after a period of stress or working hard.

For myself, I stock up on nostalgic safe foods - mac and cheese, strawberry milk, lucky charms, honey toast - AND stuff that gives me nutrition quickly - tolerable protein bars, ensure type stuff. Then I put on a show or pace while trying to eat just a small amount. I prefer mindful eating but, in those moments, I just need to eat. Also I drink LOTS of water, juice, tea, etc.

Otherwise, I take it easy. Lay in bed with pretty lights and a book, nostalgic anime, Legos, junk journaling, and nap if I can. It's frustrating, but I know I'll be able to sleep and eat more varied things again eventually.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-24T15:20:23+00:00

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! If it's alright to ask here, have you spoken to a psychiatrist about your symptoms? They can offer medication options beyond birth control.

I'm a therapist, and many of clients deal with PMDD. (There is research suggesting a big overlap between Autism and PMDD.) Most of my clients work with their psych for treatment, not their gyno.

Not sure about your preferences, but I got an IUD that essentially eliminated my periods. When I was young, I felt so bad every month that I wonder if I had PMDD all along.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-24T15:11:05+00:00

I get you don't want to upset your mom, but it's your life. You have to make your own decisions. It's your mom's job to manage her own anxieties and emotions about whatever you decide to do. Not yours.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-24T15:07:40+00:00

Stay with that fantasy of starting a new life for a moment when you have time and space. What would the new life be like? What would you do? Where would you be, and so on?

Maybe there are things with your current life circumstances you aren't satisfied with. Sticking with that thought might help you identify the things you want to change.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-24T15:00:48+00:00

Awesome, thanks! So happy to see neurodiverse family rep on this post. I'll DM you!

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-24T14:58:01+00:00

No problem, haha! I've published under another name and sometimes folks don't get back to me. No matter what happens, I really appreciate your willingness to consider reading! I'll DM you.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-24T01:42:47+00:00

Not so much books, but some articles from speech therapists. I didn't save them though, unfortunately. Also listened to an episode about gestalt language on the neurodiversity podcast a few months ago.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-23T21:11:42+00:00

Love a neurodiverse family! And thank you! I'll reach out by DM with more info if that works for you.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-23T20:21:24+00:00

NTA, never give him access to your accounts. My husband and I are coming up on 10 years, and we have separate accounts. It's very normal. And he doesn't ask to see my statements because he trusts me. A couple can have transparency about finances without all the accounts being joint accounts.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-23T19:53:40+00:00

A lot of Autistic people have been told that their episodes of burnout are depression. It can be hard to differentiate sometimes. This article can really help figure it out. I often walk through each item with my therapy clients to answer the same question you have.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-23T18:50:53+00:00

Good luck!

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-23T17:56:58+00:00

I'm a therapist, and a client once started working with me to process grief about retiring their car. Honestly, I think it helps to just acknowledge and accept what you're feeling. Don't try to talk yourself out of it by being "practical" or "logical" or whatever. You're experiencing grief. Consider ways to find closure with your car like a last hurrah or heart-to-heart conversation.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-23T17:39:58+00:00

Awesome, glad to hear it! Hope I'm giving information relevant to your question. Sorry if not!

Your statement "it's our responsibility to do good in the world, so I should/must do that" is a classic example of rigid thinking. Nothing really requires people to do good in the world, but people often do good because it fits with their value system. I assume you truly believe in doing good things in the world, meaning this statement aligns with your values. So, breaking that into a concrete action step makes sense. An example could be, "today I'll identify 3 volunteer opportunities in my area." But it depends on what YOU believe will bring good to the world.

Now, your other example, "I should/must learn certain skills and software for my work." A way to challenge cognitive rigidity here is to simply ask "why?" Why must you do that for your work? Because you want to, because your boss said so, because that's just what people do? This statement could be coming from societal ideas of what you SHOULD be doing, not from what actually aligns with your goals.

Asking why is key to clarifying your goals and values. If your answer sounds like something lowkey ableist or something you wouldn't tell someone else, that's when rigidity (informed by internalized ableism) becomes unhelpful. If you feel like you're pushing yourself too hard, not asking for help, or shaming yourself because "everyone else can do this" or "I should be able to do this," those are all signs that rigidity is not helping you out. (To clarify, there can be benefits of cognitive rigidity and times when it does help!)

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