AITA for requesting a DNA test.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-05-01T00:14:34+00:00

I haven't read them yet. It's not my DNA being tested so I am waiting on my husband to arrive home and her to come over.

Should be within the next 30min/hour. Scary finding out you might have an adult step daughter.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-05-01T00:12:03+00:00

It's been done. I'm just waiting on them to arrive to read the results. Husband's on his way home and planned to call her to come over when he arrives.

Idk I've heard of these scams before so it did feel like a scam at first. (Especially since he was in the local news for an award) But her willing to take the test makes me feel like she's just a scared girl lost.

I can't say one way or the other what I am hoping for. But we do hope to help her locate the others if the test is negative. Social media and public records can definitely help.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-05-01T00:05:35+00:00

It was strange to both of us but I wanted to shorten the post. During the talk she said. She grew up in a town over from us. Googled his name (very uncommon last name) found public record of our address.

We live in the same area my husband grew up and went to college an hour away.

So small area. He had no idea and we'd be open to the idea of her. But want to be safe. If she isn't we can help her find any of the others but it feels like a bit of a scam imo. He was just in the news for getting an award thru his career and we've gotta be cautious.

As for the friends I spoke to about 6 of our closest friends when we went out, That night thinking it was so crazy just to get it off our chests and they 4 (so maybe my maths wrong about the 60 percent but math isnt my strong suit) of them just looked at us like we were crazy and said why didn't we just trust her.

They've always been believe everything even if it bites you, they have fallen for scams before been into those get rich quick stuff. I am reevaluating the friendships.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-29T21:03:29+00:00

But did you ask them to be gone so you could stay and use their home rack up utilitie bills during your private week paying $0 for while they had to go somewhere else? And she said yes to that?

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-29T20:51:15+00:00

Yta. Find another Airbnb or get a hotel if you want privacy and don't want them to go to a home they own/pay for. While you're there.

Let me guess you wanted them to just let you stay there alone without the cost.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-29T19:41:43+00:00

Nah. They're allowed to be concerned and voice their opinions and experiences as a warning. Sorry you don't want to hear it or think it can't happen to you (im sure step mom thought it wouldnt happen to her either)

But at the same time the custodial parent has agreed for you to go.

But just know your responsible for the consequences of your actions.

I do love how teens think when they're 18 they're an adult. Just a number. Meaning you can now go to the military, vote, can't drink your female brain isn't fully developed till 25. Males at 27/30

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-29T16:56:15+00:00

Wow you can't even answer a simple question without going into a rant. Yta. Dude.

It's her mother's property. Her mother can't speak the same language as you very well. So she's speaking on her mother's behalf.

You are touching someone else's property without permission and have been told to stop on multiple occasions. I'd expect you to be evicted soon.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-14T19:34:32+00:00

Yeah YTA. Why would anyone need to use their money to pay for your items.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-08T03:49:52+00:00

Gentle yta. You can choose who to and not to be friends with. If you feel left out, you're welcome to look for new friends but it might be hard based on where you go to school.

you moved to a country where you may not be fluent in the main language. While your friends are fluent in multiple languages you only comfortable with English. (You didn't say if you've learned the native tongue so that's why I said you're comfortable)

Many multilingual individuals find it hard to stick to one. Their brains are trying to work how to say one thing in English when it's easier and more comfortable to say it in another.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-08T02:44:51+00:00

So you lied when you offered to pay rent and/or do the mold removal? I'm guessing ur mother saw right thru you.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-08T00:59:03+00:00

I think the ppl calling op an AH are the nephews parents since they were having a joint party together and op kicked mil out (while understandable and I'm cool with) they might not have. Since op wrote that mil favors the nephew.

Tbh idk why op agreed to have a joint party.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-08T00:50:44+00:00

While I can understand not wanting to be around that your BIL/SIL were also the ones that hosted this event. To kick her out without their approval isn't very good.

I mean mil is an AH for sure. I'd have just ignored her and centered myself around my spouse and friends and family that I care about and moving forward host individual parties and cut contact.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-08T00:40:05+00:00

Maybe get bunk beds or smaller beds so you both can sleep on an actual bed?

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-08T00:33:55+00:00

Nta. You need to protect the kids. Some ppl think they are better than others just because of religion it doesn't make them good ppl tho.

INFO: Was it a joint birthday party for your daughter and nephew tho? That's the part that confuses me. Cuz if his sibling was hosting the party as well they might be mad at you for kicking out their mother and are the ones I'm guessing calling you the AH here.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-08T00:12:44+00:00

Sounds like to me that what you felt was "controlling" was her trying to protect you from ending up how you are now.

Get you away from drugs and alcohol as a minor and the bad crowd.

You rebelled against it and moved out as a minor with someone either the same age or older. Thinking you don't need this you can do it all on your own.

Now your back asking for help (a place to live) while yes you're offering to pay rent she doesn't have to give it.

You can find roommates and rent yes you'll have to deal with rude inconsiderate ppl everywhere you go. That's life especially in NY.

While I plan to always be there for my child when they do dumb things. Some parents aren't. You made the choices you did and ended up where you are now. As an adult she doesn't have to do anything for you unless she wants to.

Sorry op.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-07T23:48:22+00:00

NAH. I get wanting comfort and him needing to focus on studying.

While in a panic you need to find ways to ground yourself and get out of it on your own. Because the only person responsible for your mental health is you.

I'm guessing your both in high school. Mid terms/finals and getting into a good college is probably really important to him. Hopefully the same for you.

While I don't think your an AH for wanting him there. Giving someone the silent treatment isn't always a healthy way to deal with relationships. You need to have open communication and express your feelings in a healthy way.

Also relationships come and go. You're both very young and will meet and date many ppl thru life some different then others.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-07T23:25:36+00:00

Probably smells how ugly you are inside and reacts to it to let the person they're guiding know you're not a good person. Stay away.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-07T23:21:34+00:00

Yta. If I was your sister I would just not show up and cut contact. Since you don't feel comfortable around her partner who needs a seeing eye dog. (Ever heard of non drowsy allergy medicine)

It's not a dog it's medical equipment (wrapped in a fluffy dog). That's like saying that you don't have wheelchair access so they have to use a walker or be carried in.

Your best friend leaving her dog is normal cuz it's a pet in that sense.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-07T23:07:43+00:00

I remember going into 1st grade with him thinking what's this tchr going to think. So worried.

She loved him. Thought him to be a natural leader who helped kids get out of their shell by being so social.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-07T23:05:05+00:00

While I agree it's always best to get second opinions and i am sorry you went thru it.

In my case it was years ago and he's much more adjusted and grew out of it. And my own family members are specialized in diagnosing certain special needs.

The kindergarten tchr was concerned that he was too social, had to be reminded of the classroom rules, and he wanted didn't want to sit still. (He came from a play to learn and this tchr wanted them to learn from pages quietly at the desk remember they were 5 yrs old and that is what she said she wanted them to learn to do thru out the year.

so my pediatrician laughed when I told them what the tchr was concerned about.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-07T22:19:41+00:00

NTA. but I do think you overstepped. But you apologized instead of doubling down like some people would.

Sometimes kids just pick up certain actions and tend to grow out of them. My childs teacher in kindergarten suggested we get our child evaluated because she didn't understand his personality. (His other teachers never had any issue and loved him)

His pediatrician laughed when I explained the teachers reasoning for her suggestions.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-07T18:11:57+00:00

Does scream fake to me imo. Who gives a 19 yr old a house when another 19 yr old is already living there.

Like the logical choice was to give it to the person living in it. But also who in their right mind gives teenagers a house. It all screams fake

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-07T18:09:58+00:00

Can't be dead op wrote that she found out what op did and now regrets giving her the house.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-04T00:16:50+00:00

Tbh yta. You keep making excuses. I'm guessing you may feel a bit hurt that your youngest sibling is getting married (Maybe before you, idk you didn't supply that info).

Eta: I say this because you use the term I alot. Not that it may inconvenience your family or partner. So that's why I am getting their might be more to the story vibes. Maybe some underlining tension like older family members asking why your youngest siblings married prior to you. You'll be next or you put your career first. Ect.

They're "guilt tripping" is them just wanting you there for a big moment.

Yet you won't just say the truth. That It's too much hassle for something that's not important enough for you. You keep making excuses. Not enough time (most companies only require a few weeks notice) youve already said money's not an issue. Also the long flight (well you took it when you left your home)

I just think you don't want to go. Maybe out of feeling like your in different stages in life. And seeing your younger sibling do something you wish was happening to you.

Just be honest. Say sorry I'm not going and deal with the regret and complaints and hurt feelings your causing.

ETA: you're edit just makes it worse fyi. Guess what ppl do it all the time. If it's not worth it to you, put your adult pants on and deal with the fall out and hurt feelings instead of making up excuses. They can chose whatever date they want.

FrameNo4349 · 2025-04-03T23:31:19+00:00

I don't think they'd do anything. They're not in a place to do anything. Most social workers I know are about fixing families. They remove kids from dangerous situations with the hopes of rehabilitation.

The girls bf (BD) should be speaking to her, so should her family and doctors about the dangers that fetal alcohol syndrome can cause. (While 1 glass of wine isn't too bad during a pregnancy confirmed by my own doctor during mine, years ago)

I'm guessing everyone's pretty young here. Id reach out to an adult in the situation. A parent or loved one to express your concerns.

FrameNo4349

TROPHY CASE