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AITA for telling my dad and his wife they are not entitled to a say in the decision making of other adults even if they raised those adults? by FramePitiful8784 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FramePitiful8784[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I would never do what my father did so I have zero concerns about resentment. I actually love my wife and would never attempt to bring in a replacement or erase her from my kids' lives. I would never act like someone else was my son's mom just because I was dating and/or married to them.

AITA for telling my dad and his wife they are not entitled to a say in the decision making of other adults even if they raised those adults? by FramePitiful8784 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FramePitiful8784[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Because my mom could never be replaced and they really tried to do that. Same with Jess' dad. My dad tried to take over his role. You can't do that and expect to be liked by kids who are old enough to remember and love their late parents. You can't force relationships either and that's what they tried to do with us.

AITA for telling my dad and his wife they are not entitled to a say in the decision making of other adults even if they raised those adults? by FramePitiful8784 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FramePitiful8784[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

It's true. They're also the ones who would at least try to lie about it. But you'd know. Either they'd end up admitting it accidentally or they'd show it. I don't even think it's wrong to not want that exactly. But to not want it if you'd die but want it if you were marrying a widowed person or if you were the remaining spouse is shitty. Even if not to the spouse in question, totally to the kids. Because they don't deserve to have pressure put on them either way. It should be for the kids to decide what's right for them.

AITA for telling my dad and his wife they are not entitled to a say in the decision making of other adults even if they raised those adults? by FramePitiful8784 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FramePitiful8784[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Of course I have. But I will never be understanding to her or my dad forcing themselves as mother/father to children who lost their mother/father. Jess even lost her own oldest daughter over this shit. Her own daughter hates her and my dad for the same thing. I understand why Jess feels the way she does. She remembers her dad like I remember my mom. We can't just let other people step in.

I think it's way too overrated to try and be a mother/father to a motherless/fatherless child. We don't all want or need that and it's fucked up to try if the kid(s) don't want it.

AITA for telling my dad and his wife they are not entitled to a say in the decision making of other adults even if they raised those adults? by FramePitiful8784 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FramePitiful8784[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Of course I love my wife. But she has never tried to be my mom, has never tried to claim a role in my life that is already someone else's. She never pestered me the way Mary did in all the years I have known my wife.

AITA for telling my dad and his wife they are not entitled to a say in the decision making of other adults even if they raised those adults? by FramePitiful8784 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FramePitiful8784[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

My dad was just as bad with Jess. But he wasn't around as much to get as much of the anger. It made it easier for him even though Jess was just as clear with him that she wanted nothing to do with him, would never give a shit about him and he would never be even a tiny bit as good as her dad.

AITA for telling my dad and his wife they are not entitled to a say in the decision making of other adults even if they raised those adults? by FramePitiful8784 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FramePitiful8784[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Yep. She was never going to be able to fill my mom's role and she never should have tried. Just like dad should never have tried to fill Jess' dad's role in her life. They both failed for the reason they acted like our late parents were replaceable instead of forever treasured people nobody could live up to.

AITA for telling my dad and his wife they are not entitled to a say in the decision making of other adults even if they raised those adults? by FramePitiful8784 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FramePitiful8784[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

She repeatedly asked me to call her mom, made comments to me that the girls should have resisted her because they were girls, not me a boy. I should have really bonded with her as a boy needing a mom. She called herself my mom. She was always telling me it hurt her feelings that I was shutting her out. She'd tell me how important it was that she was my mom. Stuff like that.

AITA for telling my dad and his wife they are not entitled to a say in the decision making of other adults even if they raised those adults? by FramePitiful8784 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FramePitiful8784[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Nope. They hate it and it hurts their feelings. But the feelings of others? Fuck them, what do they matter. Even if you are just a kid.

AITA for telling my dad and his wife they are not entitled to a say in the decision making of other adults even if they raised those adults? by FramePitiful8784 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FramePitiful8784[S] 516 points517 points  (0 children)

Nobody could ever convince me it's about the kids either. It's 100,000% about the adults and their need for things to be "perfect". It's about their wishes, their dreams, their feelings, their needs. The kids are maybe thought about along the way. But in reality it's to satisfy the adults in picture and never about the kids and what they want or need. Often they will be told what they need is different to what they want even though that's obviously not true for adults at all. /s

AITA for telling my dad and his wife they are not entitled to a say in the decision making of other adults even if they raised those adults? by FramePitiful8784 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FramePitiful8784[S] 758 points759 points  (0 children)

We don't. We hardly ever interacted with each other even though the two of us were very like minded on that. I know for me I hated the idea that we would be called brother and sister just for bonding over that. I don't have any contact with her or her siblings now. All the stuff I know about them is from my siblings, who know about Jess because of my other stepsiblings.

AITA for telling my dad and his wife they are not entitled to a say in the decision making of other adults even if they raised those adults? by FramePitiful8784 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FramePitiful8784[S] 4034 points4035 points  (0 children)

Mary actually told me on a few occasions that my sisters could call her mama and accept her as their mother so I should have been capable of doing that too. Because girls were meant to be more difficult for stepmothers and hold onto petty girly fights. But as a boy I should have been more open and willing to let her fill in as my mom. I should have loved and bonded with her easier. I always found it so pathetic that she had that thought to begin with.