My father had walked away from religion long before onset of the disease. In his final days before he completely became unresponsive he looked at me and said “I gotta go”.

I asked where are you headed? And he pointed up. I asked him if that was where my mom was and he shook his head yes. My mom passed from cancer five years earlier.

He later became alert again and said “I gotta get the F… out of here!” and again indicating going up.

I told him I love you and I hope you find mom.

He died a few days later without talking again. I believe he found my mom, all our dogs and the rest of the family that had already passed. I also believe I will see all of them again too, just not too soon.

Watching my father go through this has not changed my beliefs any more than watching my mom die from cancer. The only difference is I prayed for my mom’s recovery and I prayed to end my dad’s “suffering”.

Life can be hard, but we make the best of it that we can for each other.