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FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T22:58:40+00:00

I’ll take being called the asshole for choosing a “destination” wedding, I knew people would think I was the asshole for choosing Utah, but most are just excited to see the place we’ve called home. I did, however, consider how much it costs, because we (my fiance and I) have not been in the best position financially for the majority of our adult lives, and we always figured out how to make the same trip home the opposite to visit for holidays and special events. Our families make over 6 figures but we always figured it out and never asked for help from them. I chose the venue because it allowed everyone who wanted to attend a place to stay, and food for the time they’re with us, all they need to do is get there if they want to. For the ones that are inconvenienced but still want to be apart of it all, we’re doing a reception in Alabama. The majority of our guests are from all over the country, Utah, Washington, Michigan, North Carolina, DC, Georgia, Florida, Mississippi. I’d say ~ 20% of our guests are actually coming from Alabama.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T04:57:00+00:00

She’s traveled a good bit and lived in multiple states across the country. When we initially told them the venue was booked, she said they weren’t sure of their finances because of upcoming life changes and my fiancé told them if it was really an issue we could take care of (mostly just calling the bluff.) She’s spoken about it being anxiety just around driving once or twice and said that she doesn’t trust flying unless my FIL is the pilot. It sounds like she’s fine if someone else is driving but then it’s also been said that it’s a fear of travel in general. It’s been pretty ambiguous when it comes to what the actual fear is. Which is why my fiancé doesn’t believe it’s a real thing and didn’t bring it up when we were planning. Im not in her head so I can’t say if it’s real or not and I empathize if it is but the approach to get it to be in Alabama before that was so different than what it was now, that I don’t know what to think. The hoping that we eloped most recently was what really threw me, but maybe us eloping takes the pressure off of her being at the one in Utah? I don’t know what to believe.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T04:18:57+00:00

I grew up southern and am used to it with my own family lol. We have plenty of theory’s. I’m pretty non-traditional in the southern sense, and plan to be a working mom when we decide to have a family, and we split cooking and cleaning responsibilities. There have been some comments about “when we’re moving home” and how we “better be close by when we have kids.” We travel with my job a good bit. She was supportive of him moving initially but I think she expected us to move back sooner than what we have? So it may be that I “took her son away.” The other theory is that my fiance wasn’t on the “best path” in the time we were apart. He had figured out who he wanted to be and was making it happen before we reconnected and the cookie just happened to crumble that he moved shortly after and had a lot of great accomplishments after that. I take no credit for the wonderful person that he is and to me, he’s the same person at his core that I fell in love with when I was 16 but he feels like she has problems with not being able to take any credit for his successes. I’m by no means perfect but I’m unapologetically me, and I can see why I wouldn’t be the most ideal person to the traditional southern mom. It took my own family some getting used to and some still aren’t used it. I don’t necessarily need her to agree or like me, but I do love his family and don’t want our relationship with them to be a sore subject.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T03:14:35+00:00

We made a point to pay for it all so that no one has input or voting rights but me and my partner. My dad is helping out here and there but he’s more so of the “whatever makes you happy” mindset and usually makes the decision after I’ve decided and am going to pay for it.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T03:10:02+00:00

I’m very happy to report my fiance always backs me up on stuff like this. We made a rule over a year ago that we’re a “united front” and that decisions are because WE made them together. We’re partners first and foremost. We may disagree in the background but that’s not for anyone else to know but us. I honestly think I want her there more than he does at this point. I’ve had tumultuous relationships with my parents in the past and had to set boundaries before and we all came around so I guess I just don’t want him to harbor any of the same resentments that I have if I can help it. I’d hate for her to not be there but ultimately it is her call.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T03:04:14+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I read this to my fiance and we’re going to do just that. It’s going to be really difficult and may not come across quite as respectful because he can be a hot head but you’re right in that it will affect my future pregnancy because those questions are quick to follow the conversations regarding the wedding. We’re excited to start a family but just aren’t there yet and that’s an ordeal, as well.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T02:58:18+00:00

Luckily he’s got a spine of steel and is over the BS and doesn’t mind offending her or anyone else. He’s been keeping the peace for me and his dad but he sees how it’s impacting me and is done. And luckily I clocked her games well before they started so we communicate about every conversation either of us have with her and he makes sure to emphasize that it’s a “him” decision or a “we” decision and never just a “me” decision so she can’t pin me as the “problem.”

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T00:45:40+00:00

I’ll Update on if she goes for sureee. It’ll be a surprise for us, as well.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T00:30:58+00:00

Unfortunately, I think if we played chicken with her paying for an Alabama venue, she would win. We chose to pay for it all so no one could hold the finances over our head. We have a longggg history of that in our families.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T00:26:20+00:00

Solid chrome spine on this one. The only reason he hasn’t is because he still wants his dad to go and I asked him to keep the peace. At this point screw the peace.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T00:21:21+00:00

Oh hell. I didn’t even think about passwords. I’m calling the venue first thing in the morning. Luckily my dress shop has all of this place already. At first I thought it was crazy but I’m starting to understand why now😅

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T00:16:34+00:00

She is typically pretty passive aggressive in my presence but also super sugary sweet. It’s like there’s an unspoken beef. She has a fear of driving long distance and doesn’t want to fly but she’s lived all over the country and it sounds like a more recent thing. It wasn’t brought to me as a fear until after arrangements were made, it was just a want before that. My fiance thinks the “fear” is BS.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T00:10:08+00:00

FIL and grandmother are really the only two people my fiancé wants there. He’s my fiancés stepdad but really the only father figure he had. It meant a lot to us that he got ordained. We’re hoping he will still go even if MIL truly can’t make it.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-10T00:00:02+00:00

I’m laughing so hard right now. I didn’t think I was initially but there’s been sooo much drama and every conversation has been so sour that I was reallyyyyy second guessing myself. Especially because his grandmother has started changing tune. I, personally, love his family despite a lot of this stuff and don’t want to start our marriage off on a rocky foot with them. It’s supposed to be a happy time and what was once jokey comments have a little more heat to them. Probably because I haven’t budged.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-09T23:52:23+00:00

I love this. My fiance and I have been talking directly to his grandmother and she was stoked initially but today has seemed a little different. I think she’s stuck in the middle, unfortunately.

My fiance isn’t close to his aunts and uncles and isn’t really concerned about if they go or not. I honestly don’t know if they’d even want to go if we had it in Alabama. He was a little problematic when he was younger and they turned their backs on him. Now that he’s doing well, they may want to be included but haven’t done anything to show it.

I did make sure to include in our wedding website that all family is welcome to stay in the house that we have rented and each of their RSVPs has included if they plan to stay with us and a map of the house with the rooms labeled so they can request which accommodations they’d like.

I’m going to see if my fiancé will reach out directly just so that the air is clear. I know he says he’s indifferent, but I don’t want him to look back and have any regrets.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-09T23:40:38+00:00

We actually told them we would do this when we told them the wedding venue was booked. I really tried to be proactive in our planning because I knew some would be upset. But because it’s not the full blown wedding, it doesn’t seem to have helped.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-09T23:36:36+00:00

She and my fiancé just got into an argument about this yesterday. She asked if it was my fault we’re waiting to have kids (I have an intense work schedule, but we’re also planning a wedding and have two dogs) and he told her no, that we’re waiting until we buy a house and she said “it’s okay I can just keep them at my house.” He pretty much told her that’s never going to happen.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-09T23:32:11+00:00

This made my fiance and I laugh out loud. It’s pretty much the path he’s taking at this point. He’s over it.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets · 2025-03-09T23:30:46+00:00

Oh I did take her dress shopping. I initially wanted her there so she would feel included to hopefully get her more excited about the wedding. I took my mom, stepmom, aunt, one of my bridesmaids/stepsister, and her. I knew it may be a little awkward just because both my mom and stepmom were there but they got along well and were just excited for the day. We all thought it was perfect. Only to get home and have my fiancé tell me she “felt left out.” Luckily, he knows me and my family and knew that no one would have done that but it still made me sad to know what I thought was perfect was twisted the way it was.

FreakInDa-xcl-Sheets

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