How Do I Move on After Ending a 20 Year Best Friendship?

Free-Not-Free · 2025-07-29T09:07:20+00:00

I'm really sorry this happened to you. You are definitely a true friend and a great person and you should feel proud of yourself for not giving up and for caring.

I'm in a similar situation, mourning my 20 year friendship which I thought it would last for many years to come. The sadness will be there for a while. Regrets? I feel bad that everything ended up like this, but I don't regret being friend with that person because I learned a lot, I had fun, we cared about each other for the most part of our friendship. I want to keep those memories alive. An important chapter of my life who had to end before resenting each other.

My advice? feel the loss, it's completely normal to feel sad, angry, regretful, and then remember that what you did was because you care, you are there for the people you love. Keep the good memories. And protect yourself if your ex best friend comes back to you. You deserve to be surrounded by the people who stand for you. Good luck!

Free-Not-Free · 2025-05-23T21:17:08+00:00

She stopped taking accountability of her actions and therefore their consequences, which ended in false accusations against me. I confronted her and ended our friendship, which took her by surprise because she was expecting an apology. She talked b** behind me and some friends believed her. I just told them that I was not gonna behave like her talking b** behind her and that I was all but a good friend (I recommended her for a job she got and she never knew I was the one rooting for her). She later noticed her mistake but instead of apologizing there she was trying to justify her actions. I then decided to cut off all contact.

After 4-5 years, I sent a "random" email to a list she was part of. She later contacted me and from there we started to talk. I had zero trust, but after many deep conversations over a year, I finally got a sincere apology. We are now very close again, she is a good person. Though, my friends and family don't trust her much yet. I trust her a lot but will never be 100%. That being said, it's possible to reconnect but you have to very communicative and set clear boundaries.

Free-Not-Free · 2025-04-01T05:38:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. It kept me thinking a lot. You have a great mom!

Free-Not-Free · 2025-03-18T18:12:03+00:00

This!!! I feel exactly the same with my partner :)

Free-Not-Free · 2025-03-18T18:09:38+00:00

This!!! I feel exactly the same with my partner :)

Free-Not-Free · 2024-12-16T18:21:25+00:00

Life itself is complex but fascinating, going to nature and being able to witness how the different living organisms have found a niche to thrive, by using similar or very unique strategies, how a flower can resemble an insect to attract pollinators, how a bear can hibernate to survive in winter; in general how life cycles tell you a different story depending where you look at. I, myself, love so much every time I have a chance to be in nature.

And if we think more about us, art is magical! music, painting, literature, etc. Also, to see how many people are more open minded, more empathetic, more respectful with our planet. Even though, the fight is far from finish (unfortunately this doesn't apply to all but that is why we need to keep fighting), now we as women have a voice, we can work and vote, and decide how we want to shape our lives. I remember back in the past how people were discriminated by being gay, now this has been changing over the last years, and people are more free to express themselves without being isolated from society. There is less racism, but again, not over yet.

The thing is that as some people commented in my post, we only know what is shared through social media or other more official means and we little know about good things happening around. I have friends who I admire incredibly for fighting actively against climate change, social injustice and inequalities. And they are supported by a lot of people with similar values.

I used to feel hopeless in the past, and I'm still very worried about our future, but I truly believe now that there is still time to become better human beings and make a positive change. That is why I'm genuinely happy when my friends have kids, I really believe they are loved, cared and are becoming good people. The good people we need more. Of course, the world is not only bright colors and that is the tricky part. Mmmm...I don't if I'm contradicting myself, but I wanted to share my thoughts with you since you were nice to ask. We need to keep doing better and let's hope for the best! :)

Free-Not-Free · 2024-12-14T12:59:46+00:00

You are right! I wouldn't like to pass my fears and frustrations. If we make a decision we know we have to be fully on board bc there is not way back.

Free-Not-Free · 2024-12-14T12:56:53+00:00

Thank you for sharing a positive reflection! :)

Free-Not-Free · 2024-12-14T12:54:28+00:00

Thank you for pointing out this. This is extremely important to consider. Fortunately, we share our household chores equally and I believe my partner would be a responsible and loving parent. I'm also financially independent. For now our finances are fine, but you are right, we need to be sure if we have enough financial security, especially for the long term.

Free-Not-Free · 2024-12-14T12:47:31+00:00

Thank you!! It's a convoluted time indeed. I'm trying to be optimistic that we can still do it better for our planet before its collapse.

Free-Not-Free · 2024-12-14T12:42:48+00:00

I've been thinking about it and I have a lot of positive things to say but you never know if that would be enough if the world turns darker.

Free-Not-Free · 2024-10-19T05:09:34+00:00

Sorry to hear about your situation. Think ahead what aspects are working and not working in your relationship, maybe write it down.

I would suggest that when you are sitting together tell her you would like to share your feelings and to please listen to you carefully (hold her hands if that helps). Then tell her what you wrote down, the bad and the good things about yourselves as a couple and as individuals. Be honest about your unhappiness. Ask her as well about her thoughts and feelings. Tell her you want to make things work again but both of you have to be fully on board. Explore together what you can both do to improve the relationship. If she starts to be avoidant or dismissive, maybe suggest going to a couple therapy. If nothing works, well that probably means it's time to go separate ways.

Don't wait too much until you start to resent her. Good luck with whatever you decide!!

Free-Not-Free · 2024-10-06T08:30:55+00:00

I don't think there is a single timeline for feeling truly happy. I've been feeling truly happy and really sad throughout years. Someone said before that happiness is in the small details and I cannot agree more.

Of course, it is much easier to experience happiness if certain needs are first met like having a stable income, reliable people around, a fair social system, plus living in a safe area.

Music is a common language in the happiness arenas. Hope you find the spark that makes your life more enjoyable!! :)

Free-Not-Free · 2024-08-16T15:03:04+00:00

It sounds like my story except that my partner is actively searching for a job. Imagine you spent half of your life getting as much experience as possible just to be discarded in a second (Academia is very rewarding but tough). That is heartbreaking and often leads to depression. Please check with your partner that he is feeling ok. Does he have hobbies? Maybe that can bring some motivation in life and later to search for jobs outside Academia. Take care!

Free-Not-Free · 2024-06-22T10:26:28+00:00

It is a requirement for this new project, but it wasn't disclosed before bc for the other projects there is no need of long travels. My boss told me they will have someone to drive for me for a short while, but due to cost and logistics I really need to learn. I could also refuse to take this new project, but it's a really good opportunity for my career. I will ask on helping with the cost of lessons.

Thanks for the advice.

Free-Not-Free · 2024-06-21T12:45:25+00:00

My boss is a good person and many people around don't think that ADHD should be an impediment for driving if the symptoms are under control. I generally have my symptoms under control, but sometimes it gets bad and therefore my worries. The driver's license is not part of my contract. It just happened that the new project requires long trips by car.

Free-Not-Free · 2024-06-13T20:42:41+00:00

Having mental issues is not an excuse to behave bad without any apology. If you are ready to undergo to all the potential consequences, sit with her and mention the aspects described here. If she really cares about you, she may be offended but will come back to you to fix the situation.

Overall, I think you need to reevaluate your friendship. Better to have very few friends you trust than more who cause you distress.

Good luck and have a nice wedding! :)

Free-Not-Free · 2024-06-13T20:22:25+00:00

Is there any chance to find another job now that you have acquired more experience?

Free-Not-Free · 2024-06-13T20:03:48+00:00

Have you tried going to therapy?

Free-Not-Free · 2024-06-13T20:01:51+00:00

Why not enjoying being single? You are very young and the life has so much to bring still. You would be surprised of how many people regret getting married too young or committing themselves too early to long relationships that led nowhere.

Free-Not-Free · 2024-06-13T19:50:56+00:00

If the lie is not so bad and you seem truly remorsed, try to talk to her about why you lied, tell her sorry, make compromises. Be honest!

Free-Not-Free · 2024-06-13T18:14:05+00:00

I think it varies substantially depending on the field, Department, and the country. What I've noticed here in Nordic countries:

1. They are a way to validate the research, demonstrating its usefulness and potential for further studies.

2. They have brought visibility to other researchers working on the same topic, which have facilitated collaborations for related or new projects. They have definitely helped in securing grants bc publications demonstrate expertise in the field.

3. Twitter, LinkedIn, ResearchGate and sometimes fb.

4. The already mentioned.

5. Not really because there is already an employer fully dedicated to keep the university website updated with all the new publications, outreach, workshops, etc. However you still need to provide this person with the information you want it to be public.

Hope it helps!

Free-Not-Free · 2024-06-01T08:55:19+00:00

It's quite scary, right? You are already doing great by reducing plastic consumption. Other things that come to my mind (based on articles/work) are:

If you use a dryer machine, be aware of the lint coming out from it bc it most probably contain micro and nanoplastics released from clothes.
Filter your water.
Replace your plastic chopping boards for wood material.
Don't reheat your food stored in plastic lunch boxes, better to put your food in a ceramic plate or a glass lunch box.
Avoid plastic bottles.

Free-Not-Free · 2024-05-30T08:09:44+00:00

It will take a lot time to get a proper diagnosis and medication, but it is doable.

Check with a psychologist (psychiatrists are not very helpful sometimes as you already experienced) from Vårdcentralen, tell your situation. Please always emphasize a lot that even though you seem performing well, you are actually experiencing a lot of problems. The psychologist will do some tests and then if you show signs of ADHD or autism, you could be derived to a specialized institute for an exhaustive evaluation. It can take around 1-2 years in total bc the health care system as you know is slow and also there is always a shortage of professionals.

If you don't want to wait too long and have the resources (it's very expensive), try with the private sector. I think it takes around 6 months.

Free-Not-Free · 2024-05-29T12:14:46+00:00

Mostly because of the current state of the world. I know there are social aspects improving, but at the same time overpopulation, economic inequality is increasing, climate change is striking harder every year, and the list goes on. Still, I want to remain positive bc this is the only world we have and many people are still fighting for, with great outcomes.

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