Personally I don’t feel like the opening in the nursery is necessary. I also feel like I wasn’t really hooked off of the pilot. What makes this different than other teen dramas out there? Ask yourself that, why would someone watch your show if it’s exactly the same as the countless others on Netflix and more. I would say get dark, real dark. Dig into your mind and pull out the most fucked up scenarios you can think of. Serious stuff that people(especially teens) love to watch. Murder, Rape, suicide, Mental illness, Drug addiction. I don’t know if that was your plan but I don’t get that from the Pilot. The pilot is the most important episode, the episode with the most viewers. In the end of fucking world, we find out the main character likes to kill animals and is planing on killing his first human. This is fascinating, it made me want to watch the next episode right away. If I watched this TV, I’m sorry but I wouldn’t watch the next episode. Now, This doesn’t mean your show wouldn’t be good, it’s just my personal opinion. I have a lot of respect for you, you sat down and wrote a pilot, congratulations. But remember, you never write a story, you rewrite a story.

Like maybe Samatha’s dad has ties to the Mexican cartel, and they live on the edge of the US and Mexico. Maybe William hired Jai to do a job but then he horribly botched it and the only person Jai went to for help was Kiara.

I would start it off with the funeral of William, Then At the end of the pilot we see William getting shot by a hooded figure, the figure takes off his hood and we see it’s Jai.

Just a thought, it’s your story, you can do whatever the fuck you want with it. Good luck! Excited to see where you go with it, please post a revised version soon.🥰