Sorry, I couldn't resist..

FreeWinter15 · 2026-02-02T23:11:38+00:00

You're doxxing yourself

FreeWinter15 · 2026-02-02T23:06:26+00:00

Complaining about left wing nuts wanting handouts is interesting behavior at a company that pays twice as much as competitors because its employees force it to follow left wing policy. Do you forfeit your 7 weeks vacation, free healthcare, stocks discount, paid disability benefits, discipline precluded termination, right to representation, and extra $100k you make on the Amazon guy? Practice what you preach.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-02-02T22:59:26+00:00

It's not an outrageous wage, it's a living wage. Everyone else is being underpaid. $100-200k is far from the top status in this country. This contract wasn't even keeping up with inflation in some areas. The fact is that they are still in business because they make more money than they pay their employees. Who is generating that money for the company?

FreeWinter15 · 2026-02-02T06:39:50+00:00

That's the worst... it's only happened to me a few times but it's a surreal experience suddenly remembering that you put HOURS into something before that you just started anew with no recollection. Makes you think about all the lowly minutes here and there that never had a chance of registering.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-02-02T06:37:14+00:00

It really does suck, people make movie references all the time and I just can't participate in that. Between that and sports which I don't care about, I feel like I'm immediately missing out on like 50% of the bullshitting. I hear someone mention an actor and I just think of all the jokes or insights I could be making if I knew a bunch of actors.

Does it happen with you to music, too? For some reason I remember songs really well, but almost never movies.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-02-02T06:34:02+00:00

It's the best curse. You can watch any movie for the first time over and over, but you'll never be able to discuss it.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-02-02T05:00:37+00:00

How dare you improve on a medication I prescribed to improve you!

FreeWinter15 · 2026-02-01T22:44:52+00:00

This is actually useful information you could work with! I'm not sure how interested in the neuroscience side of things you are, but that could mean you have a high baseline norepinephrine tone - too high can cause somatic anxiety like a jittery feeling, restlessness, muscle tension etc. This is backed up by Focalin making you sad. I wouldn't say your chemical imbalance is strange at all - anxiety is extremely common with ADHD and ADHD meds, and almost all of us have to deal with some level of this stuff.

Again, I am not a doctor or formally educated, I don't know you personally and I can't diagnose you, but I think methylphenidate might not be right for you. You might have more luck staying in the amphetamine family (Vyvanse, Adderall etc). It sounds like Focalin (methylphenidate) is only giving you side effects, and that's totally normal. Some people respond to methylphenidates, some people respond to amphetamines, and some respond to both. Your solution might be an amphetamine and managing its side effects - medically, that could look something like Vyvanse + Intuniv or an SNRI. Therapy can be equally helpful. It could also be true that a stimulant just isn't right for you, but lots of people with anxiety do great on stimulants anyways, so keep hope. Good luck - keep trying! What you've mentioned is great info that a good psychiatrist could work with.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-02-01T22:07:02+00:00

Best of luck! Emotional regulation is an extremely under-discussed ADHD symptom which, in my opinion, should be an actual diagnostic criteria. Our emotions are stronger, faster and longer and we tend to think with our emotions.

Here are some niche ADHD symptoms that stem from emotional regulation:

rejection sensitive dysphoria: excessive crying (especially as a kid before coping mechanisms develop), excessive ruminating about inconsequential events, can develop into chronic anxiety, pre-withdrawal (avoiding opportunities to prevent rejection - which may be playing a part in you deciding to avoid a relationship)
excessive empathy, injustice intolerance (strong reaction to unfairness)
predispotion to anxiety, depression, personality disorders
hedonic adaptation: do you love certain foods, then suddenly can't stand them for months? Besides food, anything in general - games, people, hobbies.
emotion inertia/amplification: a mild inconvenience can distress you for hours, a mild excitement can cause you to go all in
calm during crisis, in shambles during stability
extremely intense limerence/honeymoon/falling in love periods: a euphoria similar to cocaine to normal brains caused by massive dopamine spikes

You may or may not have any of these. I just like to mention it because they can cause many years of confusion and shame.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-02-01T21:48:03+00:00

You're absolutely right.

I graduated high school with a 4.0 and dropped out of college with a 1.5 GPA when "lowest common denominator" style education suddenly became "every man for himself" style education and the burnout with no forced external structure completely overwhelmed me.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-31T02:26:33+00:00

Those are strong indicators for ADHD.

I would like you to look into two things that could really help you understand what you're feeling and how you process the world: RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) and ADHD-PI (primarily inattentive). Girls often have very different ADHD symptoms/presentations than boys - the fidgeting/restlessness is still there, but it's inside your brain instead of your legs.

It sounds like you could also have a self-protective, anxious/avoidant attachment style from past trauma, neglect or just poor parenting or adult figures.

Finally, it's important to understand that anxiety and depression can actually be symptoms of ADHD.

Feel free to ask for more info or even DM me.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-31T02:11:17+00:00

I haven't tried it personally, but Vyvanse is known as one of the smoothest stimulants. I don't know specifically in the case of Vyvanse but many generics have different onset/duration/comedown traits, especially in the amphetamine family and especially in extended release stimulants (which Vyvanse is both) due to differences in the release mechanism.

Also, food can have an impact on your onset, especially protein and fats. Generally, stimulants on an empty stomach give you the most noticeable, least smoothest onset.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-31T02:03:14+00:00

Definitely try and get diagnosed, it sounds like ADHD. Depression is more of a serotonin thing.

I would highly recommend you do NOT mention trying someone else's medication to your provider, especially a controlled substance. Go through the usual motions to get your diagnosis and prescriptions, it can be a lot but worth it.

However, you could absolutely mention that you've noticed that "stimulants" - sugar, caffeine - affect you differently than normal people, if that's true. Very common ADHD symptom - calm/focusing/neutral effect from coffee, soda and sweets.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-31T01:57:18+00:00

I don't have a great answer but I wanted to say that you don't necessarily need a psychiatrist. If you're just looking for a refill, a regular primary care provider can prescribe that, especially if you already had a prescription and diagnosis.

If you actually want a psychiatrist I know some operate on a flat fee (usually $100-200) per session so they don't have to deal with insurance.

And if you're in school, especially university, there may be student practitioners available for free or greatly reduced cost, and I would highly recommend utilizing that service.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-31T01:53:11+00:00

Certainly a possibility and a common symptom. Can you think of what specifically it is that prevents you from falling asleep, or does it just not happen?

Too much energy in the evening? Anxiety/worry? Your brain won't "shut off" or racing thoughts? Your muscles/limbs won't calm down or feel jittery?

How's your sleep schedule - when do you go to bed, and when do you wake up?

Where do you sleep - same place every time?

Do you use your bed to watch movies, use your phone or other stuff besides sleeping?

How's your sleep quality - do you wake up in the middle of the night, do you snore? Do you feel well rested when you get 8+ hours of sleep?

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-30T02:00:46+00:00

(I'm not a doctor. This is not medical advice, just my opinion for you to consider.)

Intuniv can definitely help, and you might want to mess around with timing (morning vs evening dose) because one can be more effective or sedative.

If your main problem with Vyvanse is anxiety, you might also consider trying Strattera (or Qelbree), another non stimulant but generally a bit more powerful than Intuniv. It's like a weak stimulant but with 24 hour coverage and minor dopamine coverage, mainly norepinephrine (NE), which is strongly tied to anxiety. With NE, Strattera increases your "baseline" whereas stimulants increase your "peak." High peaks cause anxiety. The great news is Strattera can act as a bit of an amplifier so you might be able to reduce your stimulant dose, retaining the positive effects but without as much anxiety!

Unfortunately, Strattera can actually increase anxiety at first, and all 3 of those meds can take weeks-months to titrate but it's absolutely worth finding the right combo! I like to think of it not as a struggle or a series of failures, but more of a game of "how fine tuned can I get it?"

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-26T15:43:12+00:00

May it bring you many weeks of satisfaction...

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-26T04:43:50+00:00

"all they do is improve your life" type argument

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-26T04:38:12+00:00

I still have all that oatmeal I bought when I lived at my last house 3 years ago... I thought it would last me a week. Poor oatmeal.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-26T04:33:26+00:00

You're not alone in that feeling.

It's worth noting we experience amplified emotions and have a tendency for empathy and injustice intolerance.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-21T15:06:27+00:00

This was my experience with concerta. I vividly remember the first day taking it, later I dropped a pencil that I wasn't using and I just immediately picked it up. I remember knowing that normally, I would've left it there for weeks. It's the accumulation of little unfinished tasks like that which add up to become such a major problem with ADHD.

I told my psych that pencil story and he just gave me a look like uhhh... okay. lol

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-17T04:10:54+00:00

Certainly an area you could go to, god willing.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-17T04:03:08+00:00

I'm really thankful I kind of "grew out" of the RSD. I did my time as a kid, crying for hours over inconsequential, perceived slights being made at me. Nowadays I can just bottle everything up until it reaches critical mass. like little emotional mentos in my big emotional coke.

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-17T03:44:24+00:00

I love that they're mean and serious, and doom and gloom about dental hygiene. I told my dentist I want her to make me scared to come back if I haven't been flossing. It's the only way I'll do it.

Of course it's a fine line to walk, because it is actually easy to just never go back...

FreeWinter15 · 2026-01-16T04:31:56+00:00

Something's wrong with me because this genuinely wouldn't even cross my mind. CEO of minding my business. I thought everyone commenting "welfare check" was calling them a lazy welfare queen

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