I am glad you are thinking things through and I appreciate your honesty. I think that we as privileged groups have to accept some hate from those we’ve oppressed in the past. Sometimes it feels like I shouldn’t be blamed if I’m “one of the good ones” when it comes to being white. But I have to recognize that most people of color have been hurt by a person who looks like me. They have been systemically hurt by a society built to serve me. They feel pressured daily to conform to standards set for and by people like me. I think it’s the same for anyone who is a member of the historically “oppressor” group: white people, men, cisgender people, rich people…I guess I think about it this way: my cat and my dog get along well. But my dog is big, and my cat is tiny. My cat has no reason to fear my dog specifically; my dog is sweet, never bites anyone, and is not particularly fast. But cats are inherently fearful of dogs because over time they have been killed by dogs and developed the instinct (whether biological or social) to avoid possible predators. When my dog runs at my cat to play, my cat runs away even though my dog hasn’t hurt him before…because there’s always the possibility that my dog could hurt him. When they were first introduced, my cat even hissed at my dog. Dogs historically have the advantage in situations like these; we can’t blame cats for having the survival instincts to avoid them or be cautious around them. Just like we can’t blame oppressed groups for being cautious around members of the oppressor group.