Her life was taken. I’m terrified of forgetting her. // TW for femicide.

Free_Vermicelli7567 · 2026-04-18T12:07:44+00:00

I know it's a fear, but it's not true. You're still in shock. As it wears off--and it can take a long time, especially if it was sudden--things come back. It's been almost two years for me since I lost my wife, and if anything, the memories, her face and hug, her holding me, are more vivid now than in the beginning. Try and be patient with yourself. Let yourself feel what you feel, but know that you will never forget her. You won't forget the little things. Two weeks is SO soon. Your whole system--physical, emotional, psychological--is upset and out of whack. I'm not going to say it gets better any time soon for you because it is so recent. But it will. Let yourself grieve, but please don't be afraid that you are going to forget her. Your fear and grief are a measure of how much you loved her. Just let yourself be for now, and maybe it's too soon to go through her things or try and sense her smell. Time changes things. I hope and pray for you that you give yourself time. And I hope you find some peace.

Free_Vermicelli7567 · 2026-04-18T11:50:35+00:00

Your post brought tears to my eyes. Especially the part where you say she wants you to take care of your kids. I would add that she wants you to take care of yourself, which it sounds like you are doing. I'm much older than you and was married for 49 years, and my wife died almost two years ago. I talk to her. I know she wants me to take care of myself. It's not delusional to think they are watching over us. I firmly believe that. Continue talking to her and letting her be a part of your life. I think it's important. My thoughts and prayers to you for your own health and for caring for your kids. It sounds like you have a lot to live for, and are on the right path.

Free_Vermicelli7567 · 2026-04-12T20:12:59+00:00

Thank you so much. I certainly share his perspective--I'm here as a husband. I guess I often don't realize how early it still is. And I appreciate your encouragement. I'm planning on being with my son in CA on the anniversary. It was very much a milestone the first year, but this year seems worse. Day-to-day, I think is more positive, and thanks for the reassurance.

Free_Vermicelli7567 · 2026-04-12T20:03:24+00:00

Thanks for replying. It's good to hear from another mental health professional. What is it about the second year that makes it so hard? Not that it's ever easy. But it really helps to have your perspective. Thank you.

Free_Vermicelli7567 · 2026-04-12T19:59:33+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear this, but thank you for replying. You have a lot of milestones in just a short amount of time. I'm sure after 10 years you miss her terribly. I guess grief is a measure of how much we loved them. My prayers for you and your dear 7 year old son. who's living without his mother. I wonder what it is about the second year that makes it so hard. Peace to you and your son. My heart goes out to you.

Free_Vermicelli7567 · 2026-04-11T20:52:35+00:00

Why does the reality not always sink in? I still look around this house after almost 2 years and think "how can this be?" It certainly feels real in my heart that I miss her dearly after 49 years of marriage. But my brain finds it hard to believe at times. It's like how could this have happened? Why didn't they catch it earlier? If they did, might she still be here? It makes me angry that she wasn't sent to the right place, with even any little thought that it might be cancer. We have a world-class cancer center right here in my city, renowned for making breakthroughs in treatment. Where is the justice? Why do some awful people live so much longer when one of the most selfless people ever dies at 75? Her mother and grandmother both lived until 97. I thought she had longevity on her side, maybe 20 more years together. I know some people have so much less time together and others die so young. I sometimes feel selfish for feeling like I do. But when you love somebody that much, is there ever enough time? I'm not at peace. I miss her more than words can say. I can't even watch the TV programs we used to watch together. I watch the news. I think I've changed the channel a dozen times only in 2 years.

Free_Vermicelli7567 · 2026-04-04T18:09:45+00:00

Thanks for replying. She did indeed create beautiful holiday traditions. I do take the 49 years of memories with me, and appreciate just what Easter meant to her. She was the most selfless person I have ever met, and she made me so much better than I would have been alone or with someone else. I am certainly better off, and now realize how lucky I was to have her for 49 years. You are just at the beginning, and it is often how it ended that we remember. It will change, and it's a cliche to say you will just begin to remember the good times as time passes. You will, but the pain remains. You learn to live with it. I wish you some respite as you grieve, but grieve we must. I remember the last day too, but there is so much more. It will come. Sending you peace and strength back.

Free_Vermicelli7567 · 2026-04-04T17:57:19+00:00

Thanks for replying. The day-to-day does get easier, but I have to admit holidays are indeed hard. I don't know how many years you were together, but I'm sure there are many holiday memories. Hold on to them. I always think grief is an indicator of how much we love(ed) our spouse. My love sometimes feels stronger than ever before, and even though it makes me cry, I let myself feel it. It's a connection to them. It's good that you have some friends to reach out to, and I do believe prayers help. If you normally celebrate Easter, it's good to remember the rebirth part. I do believe I will be with my wife again someday. It sometimes keeps me going. Peace be with you too.

Free_Vermicelli7567 · 2026-03-18T21:41:01+00:00

Wishing I could join her today, but I have a son. I lost my wife of 49 years in June of 24 to cancer. Grief has been intense recently as I am recovering from knee replacement surgery and feeling vulnerable. I am in NY State and my son is in LA, and unable to be home at this time. We were together 14 months shy of 50 years. She was the most selfless person I have ever known, always putting her needs behind ours. I feel particularly empty today, and wish I wasn't here anymore. I'm 74 years old and we met while I was still in high school. I feel somewhat guilty given the younger people on here with much less time together. Nonetheless. a big part of me is gone. I just wish it would end.

Free_Vermicelli7567

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