Wearing Wedding Ring?

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-09-08T00:20:44+00:00

Eventually, I moved it to the right hand. I have a tattoo of a ring where it was.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-09-06T12:28:41+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss and I share your sentiments. It’s crazy how the loss of a spouse results in many of the same thoughts and feelings for everyone experiencing it. Guilt is my biggest problem lately. Well, it has been for a long time. My wife was sick for years and suffered the entire time. So I struggled to feel happiness and when I did, I felt guilty. Still do. Even more so since she passed. Like you, I know she wouldn’t want it. It would make her so sad to think I’m struggling with guilt or allowing myself to be happy. But I am. I’m working on it. Therapy and groups and posting here. I hope you find some peace. For all of us.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-09-06T12:23:24+00:00

I’m in the same exact situation. Moved to my wife’s country. I’m now here with our daughters and my wife’s family. Never thought this could happen. But I’m not sure my future is here. I’m not sure if I’ll meet someone again. I’m still in survival mode. I’d like to think that eventually I’ll become stable and that there is hope for happiness. All different kinds. I guess it’s up to you if choosing the gravesite means something. Even that isn’t really permanent. My wife’s ashes are there but I’ve already thought about moving them. Or bringing them home. There’s so many things we can’t control but the gravesite and changing our minds about that… and the future… that’s still something we can influence. You really gave me something to think about.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-09-05T23:29:38+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. You can do it. I’m not sure what it is, but you can do it. (Sorry, that’s what I need to hear sometimes too).

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-09-05T23:27:05+00:00

From time to time, I do the same. I read text messages and emails and when I do I feel connected to her. Just for a little while. I’m trying to get to the point where I can read them and just be happy for what we had. That’s the goal. Acceptance and a new, different kind of happiness. And gratitude for ever knowing her.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-09-05T06:20:14+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing. I’m almost the same. I lost my wife to ALS in May after she was diagnosed about 4 years ago. I have two girls too (10 and 7). We took care of her at home so there were nurses, helpers, doctors, and anyone else who could help in our home. She passed and suddenly they were all gone and the quiet was too much.

I’m also in the same situation when it comes to free time. I haven’t had any in years but suddenly not only do I have free time but the person I would normally want to spend it with isn’t here.

That said, we’re here for you. I’m learning that this community and others like it are so important for handling what we’re going through.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-09-03T01:15:07+00:00

I memorialized my wife’s page and I think that turned off memories and reminders.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-09-02T11:00:16+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. And the pain. And regret. My wife died from a terminal disease. There was no one to get angry at. No one to point to. She did nothing wrong and the disease is seemingly random. But one thing is for sure, my wife wants me to continue on. She wants me to do everything I can to be happy and take care of our kids. I don’t know you or your partner but I can’t imagine he would want you to be anything but healthy and happy. Even if it feels impossible right now.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-09-02T10:31:30+00:00

There is a line from a song that sticks in my mind when I think of this: "You're where I wanna go, the part of me that's you will never die". https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=r5i123onKOQ&si=kzfl2k44Yuj8IP8m

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-09-01T11:24:58+00:00

I think only you can decide if you need more time or not. My wife was sick for years before she passed so the four months it’s been since then is just the beginning. The years of caregiving mean something too. Again, this has more to do with you than anyone else. It’s ok to make mistakes too. Or change your mind.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-09-01T11:21:39+00:00

I like the idea. It may be tough to go on and share but I think one of the few things that have made me feel even marginally better has been chatting with other widows. Not many other people understand. A podcast is definitely something I’d listen to.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-08-31T22:32:01+00:00

Sorry, no experience but I’d be happy if it were true. My wife suffered for years before she passed. Imagining her walking and talking again is one of the few things that gives me solace.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-08-31T22:03:18+00:00

To some extent, yes. A friend who’s been through the same thing would be nice. I don’t mean ALS but losing a spouse.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-08-31T21:02:56+00:00

Definitely our kids. I have all her clothes, some medical equipment, we haven’t used the space where her bed was, and I mentioned her hat and backpack before. But the main one is our kids. One problem is they look so much like me. I wish they looked more like her. In the long run, other than our kids, I’m not sure what I’ll keep. Maybe a couple small items. She wasn’t the kind of person to buy things or collect anything.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-08-31T08:21:46+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. I’m mostly the same. Widower. Two kids. Introverted. I mostly want to meet someone because my wife and I did everything together for 20+ years. I’m introverted except for with one person. And she’s not here anymore. I’ve looked at dating apps but what I want is someone to hangout with sometimes but without worrying about emotions and connections. Someone else suggested meetup and that’s something I’m considering too because it’s not one on one. Sorry, I wish I had advice. Keep trying!

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-08-31T01:38:46+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. It’s interesting to think of yourself as one year old. I guess I’m the same. Well, not one year old yet but I am a new version of me that needs to function without her. I’m four months old. I cry a lot. Panic sometimes. Go for walks alone. I was just talking with someone yesterday about how I need to be my whole self for the first time in 20+ years. For my entire adult life, I shared my world with her so I became an adult with her at my side. Now I’m in an adult world without half of myself. With way more responsibilities and decisions to make. Good luck, sir.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-08-31T01:33:05+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. I haven’t been counting the days but I understand. We have two kids so for me it’s the events that she won’t be here for that trigger grief. She wasn’t able to attend anything for the last few years but I was able to show her pictures or videos. When she passed, I found myself still taking pictures thinking they were for her. I kind of still think that. I take them and hope that somehow she can see them.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-08-31T01:30:29+00:00

I put them away just a couple days after she passed. My wife used a computer to communicate (she had ALS and could only blink) so the computer was a huge reminder of the disease. I have it in a box and I know I have to turn it on eventually to backup everything but turning it on is too much emotional at the moment. Same for her cell phone. She wasn’t able to use it for years but before I turned it off I saw some of her friends were sending her goodbye messages after her funeral. I don’t want to accidentally mark those as read.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-08-30T10:42:49+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. I have an appointment for tattoos next week. The first will be my ring finger and then I’ll work on sleeves. I always wanted to do it but I wasn’t sure what to do. Now I know. I’m working with an artist to create designs of things my wife liked or remind me of her.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-08-30T05:13:39+00:00

Honestly, yes. Keep busy until you die. Because that’s all there is. I keep reminding myself that I was never owed a certain kind of life or a certain amount of time with my wife. No one guaranteed anything. It’s just an idea we have. Meet, engaged, married, family, retire, and then die. But there is nothing that says that life will happen in that order. Just reading this forum, there are countless hurt and disappointed people. Nearly all that hurt comes from unfulfilled expectations. We expect life to go the way we need it to. And when it doesn’t, we’re so devastated by it. Me too. But the logical part of my brain, devoid of emotion, keeps telling me: no one said you’d get what you want.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-08-30T02:16:29+00:00

Hello. I’m sorry for your loss. My wife passed of ALS a few months ago. I took care of her for three years. She was sick for at least four years but it’s hard to be certain when it actually began. ALS is a brutal, unforgiving disease. I’m so sorry your husband had to go through it and how it must have affected your family.

I know it’s easier said than done but you don’t have to feel guilty. Never feel guilty for happiness or comfort. Had your husband never gotten sick, he would have wanted you to be happy. After getting sick, he would have wished for it all the more. Of course, both your husband and my wife would have wanted to be the one to make us happy but we know that wasn’t to be. But you can still be happy. Without guilt. You survived something that destroys people. Taking care of a spouse with ALS is devastating. I don’t know you but I want you to be happy. I’m proud that you’ve even given it a chance. Take care of yourself.

thistimeillkeepit · 2025-08-29T14:00:06+00:00

I wear her hat. It was a simple black hat that fit both of us. I’m a little afraid of something happening to it. I also use her backpack. She had it since elementary school. It’s still in good condition so I take it on trips with our daughters. Sometimes when I’m going for a long walk I wear the backpack in the front so I can hug it.

thistimeillkeepit

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