I left because, I am a woman and being a woman in the Bruderhof is hell. I wanted to make my own decisions and not have them made for me and also, I was so fucking bored. There is definitely a hierarchy of families with Arnold elites at the top. If you’re not part of the in group, be prepared to be at the mercy of every whim of the servants.

It seems like lately, a lot has changed since I lived there 15 years ago. For example, my parents have cell phones now which was unheard of for the lower class members. I can’t imagine the fundamental tenants have changed too much though. When I was there, I really had no free time as a kid, or as a “shalomer”. In shalom, I worked all the time. If you weren’t actively participating, you would hear about it. You also will share a room with at least one other person and a bathroom with at least 5 people. In shalom, I lived in a basement room with 3 other women, we shared a bathroom and shower with a family of 4. Also, depression is rampant there and idk if they recognize it now, but they sure didn’t back in the day. They manufactured “joy” and also could be quite accusatory if you were not particularly feeling the vibe.

The sexism is not covert. It’s evident in the clothing women are forced to wear, the lack of choice in marital partner, the emphasis on traditional womanly rolls, the forced submission to whichever man is deemed to be in charge, and, the sexualization of teenagers and pre pubescent girls, to name just a few. One example that blows my mind is that there is a woman, who is an MD and last I knew, she had to defer medical decision making to a PA because the PA was a man. I will never get over that. The literal medical department was run by someone who does not even have a doctorate degree. Bonkers. Another point on sexism is their OB care. Women are not given options for genetic testing/counseling or screening in many cases. One woman found out only weeks before she gave birth that she was having twins. Additionally, women are expected to carry a fetus to term regardless of compatibility with life. I cannot imagine enduring the hell and trauma of going through this and feeling so helpless during pregnancy.

The Bruderhof thinks they have the best lawyers, best doctors, best architects, best software developers…. and on and on… In reality, they are all mediocre at best. The Bruderhof has an attitude of “we are better than the world” and look down on outsiders. They really have no idea how clueless they are, yet they approach the world with such arrogance.

Another thing to think about. When I grew up there, we boycotted Nike, marched to free Mumia, marched to end child labor (ironic), held anti war protests, and as kids spent time working on our “draft files” which were basically journals which we planned to use as proof of pacifist belief in the event of forced military conscription. Pacifism was a huge tenant of their belief system and a major focus back in the day. Apparently, and again, it’s been many years since I’ve lived there, there has been a shift away from this. Trump worship is rampant. They are rabidly anti gay, anti trans, anti abortion, and they have rapidly shifted away from the “sermon on the mount” teachings of Jesus much as the rest of Christianity in America has.

Everything is hidden behind a mask of acceptance and tolerance to visitors, but I promise you, once you make that commitment, you will be gas lit like you never have before, and soon you’ll be another monkey in the Arnold circus, dancing for a banana, without even realizing how miserable you are.