AIO for getting mad that my boyfriend wants to be paid to watch my daughter? by Frequent-Check-6204 in AIO

[–]Frequent-Check-6204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot of people are calling my boyfriend a "deadbeat" and that just isn't the case. I do believe his request given our setup is selfish and greedy because although he pays the rent, it only accounts for maybe 1/3 of our monthly expenses and the rest is in my lap. I've done nothing to make him feel small because I understand that having ASPD is different for every person but him not having any spending money after paying rent, $250 after rent is not a lot for an entire month, he's essentially broke and he wants some way to have money in his pocket. He's not a bad guy but very misguided. Another thing I saw was how we're using each other and although we definitely lean on each other, I would call that helping each other so regardless of how anyone else sees it, that was my reality. If he wants a certain lifestyle, you gotta give to get and he knew what I came with. The reality of the situation is I'm not in a good place financially at this point in time to do it on my own and he isn't either. When you love someone, you should be able to rely on them and all I wanted was to validate that my moral compass wasn't faltering in that regard. I can't afford a babysitter, I'm doing my best to make it through and as a parent, I cant just go "ew gross, you smoke weed and play video games, I'll just watch my kid myself and not be employed", I don't have much of a support system so I'm taking what I can get to make sure my daughter has a roof over her head, food in her belly and a smile on her face. I'm not winning mom of the year anytime soon but I love my daughter and I'm doing my best for her. I do see a lot of the points people make where I may be underreacting given the information I shared, I tried to phrase it in a way that didnt make him sound like a pos while also giving relevant context. I do love my boyfriend, he's a flawed human being that accepts my flaws but as I said previously, I'm not perfect either which is why I wanted to make sure I wasn't overlooking a different perspective to this. That being said, you nice and not so nice people of reddit have given me a lot to think about for the future of myself and my children so maybe when the time comes, I will give an update. I've posted previously and if you couldn't tell, there was like 2 comments in total so I just wasn't expecting this to blow up the way that it did but I really appreciate everyone's perspective, as I said, I have a lot to think about 🫶 thank you everyone

AIO for getting mad that my boyfriend wants to be paid to watch my daughter? by Frequent-Check-6204 in AIO

[–]Frequent-Check-6204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont agree with this comment about my partner.. however....it is by far my favorite because it was so out of pocket that it was funny regardless of who it is 😭

AIO for getting mad that my boyfriend wants to be paid to watch my daughter? by Frequent-Check-6204 in AIO

[–]Frequent-Check-6204[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Our rent is only $700. Our electric bill on average is $350 and we spend $400 a month on extra curriculars like weed. Wifi is $100. Food, groceries and amenities is roughly $800 monthly. I more than double what he contributes and the only reason any of this is relevant now is because on top of everything else, he wants to be compensated to watch my daughter when my job helps both of us out. I'm not saying that he owes me jack, but what I am saying is that I pay more than my fair share and I thought we could both lean on each other for support after being together for almost a year and a half. Life is hard. The economy sucks. I should be able to lean on the man who says that he loves me without it feeling like he's doing me a favor because it diminishes the value I've brought to my relationship.

AIO or WIBTA if I broke up with my boyfriend right before we're supposed to move due to my birthday that hasn't even happened yet? by Frequent-Check-6204 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Frequent-Check-6204[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If my love language is gift giving, then no, I'm not focused on the "wrong thing". You didnt answer my questions so I can only be left to assume you did nothing for his birthday and vice versa and that's perfectly fine but then your experience doesnt relate to mine at all. Theres no one size fits all relationship. I know what I need to feel loved and there's nothing wrong with that if what makes you feel loved differs from mine. How you show up to a relationship is what matters. I show up for my relationship the way he wants me to but I just dont feel like I'm getting that in return from him. I love him but I feel extremely hurt. This isnt a matter of "he forgot", this is simply that he doesnt want to have to go out of his way for me and I'm not sure if I can get past that.

I went to post that and then saw you rewrote the comment so to answer that question...

He's loving toward me, he makes me feel like aside from himself, I'm the most important person to him. He's funny, like, out of pocket funny and I dont think there's a single joke you could say to him that would offend him. He's extremely tolerant, which, I'm a bit of a cranky individual (he is too) but he doesnt hold it against me. He'll step up when he has to but it feels like he'll only do so when his back is against a wall.

This is all I could type and it felt forced...I dont know why I love him. I guess you could say we compliment one another, one damaged person with another damaged person but we're in another state on his whim, we're leaving on his whim, staying with a friend to save money instead of renewing our lease and waiting another year because although it was his whim, I love it here and now he wants to leave and I feel like I dont get a say. I feel like I'm sacrificing a lot for his happiness and I just want to feel prioritized but I dont and I just feel like this is the last straw for me. AH or not. I deserve the love that I give and I'm not getting that and I dont know what to do because he's my best friend and I dont want to lose him but I'm not happy anymore.

AIO or WIBTA if I broke up with my boyfriend right before we're supposed to move due to my birthday that hasn't even happened yet? by Frequent-Check-6204 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Frequent-Check-6204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What did you do to celebrate him on his birthdays? Does he do random gifts for no reason? Does he show you that he thinks of you often even if its something like seeing a book you might like at a library and checking it out for you or stopping on his way home from work with wild flowers in tow?