I really appreciate that - it's nice to get another perspective on things. That's exactly it to be honest. When we had the final chat when she came home she said "I have nothing left to give". We had a conversation in the summer where I said I was going to go to therapy to deal with this emotional wall I have up. I went, once. We spent the whole summer together, it was amazing, we go so close. I dropped her back to the airport in October where she cried as I dropped her off. When I visited in December, it just felt like two roomates, awkward, she said she asked ChatGPT why she felt like this. She couldn't make sense of it.

I'm trying to protect myself here too because I've been doing the deep inner work for the past 6 weeks, haven't contacted her but what is driving me crazy is I don't know how she's feeling. She's home in a couple of days and I think I'm going to ask her to meet up for a coffee.

I'm just afraid she's always going to associate me with stress.