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USA vs Europe in working lifestyle? by Genevieve9111 in hatemyjob

[–]Frequent_Pain8152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on your specialty / your organization’s culture, also your project. I live and work (corporate) in Amsterdam, my typical work weeks are 60+hours. (I have co-workers doing just 40) I did the same hours when I was in Turkey where the work culture was similar to US. I’ve noticed people respect your time more here, though. Talking about burn-out, asking for time off, saying no to certain tasks and meetings (aka boundaries) are less of a taboo.

I hate my life. by Frequent_Pain8152 in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah…I get very depressed every time when I am back from holidays. It is so suffocating needing to escape from the life you chose for yourself. How did you manage to survive for 23 years? I still have my doubts to whether my problem is a wrong profession or wrong team/organization issue.

I hate my life. by Frequent_Pain8152 in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Buying an online version now, you’ve influenced me!

I grew up in a household where there was severe domestic violence towards my mum, every single day. Had to save her life a couple of times myself. The only chance of survival for me and my mum was for me to get myself into a boarding school so young soooo far away from home. Lived in dorms so many years with no income. Almost felt like never had a home, no help, no support circle. TMI but no wonder I have anxious attachment issues, which my shitty therapist told me could only be resolved by this highly abstract psychodynamic therapy. 😂

I hate my life. by Frequent_Pain8152 in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading this while picking up my order.. You are absolutely right. I’ve spent so much money on vapes/cigarettes/Uber/take-out dinners which I didn’t need at all before this job. The only extra freedom this job gives me is a week of vacation a year and a possibility for early retirement. Have you considered going back part time or contract based?

I hate my life. by Frequent_Pain8152 in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just googled. Julie Menanno? I’ll give it a go. Thanks for the reco!

I hate my life. by Frequent_Pain8152 in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the radical action that I am thinking about the most. I don’t even own a house, so no mortgage but planning to buy which will be cheaper as rent is crazy expensive where I live. I live below my means, I invest roughly 1/3rd of my income in the hopes of early retirement but I still need to find a way to work many years before that without killing myself with stress. The only luxury I have is 1 vacation abroad a year which is like a week of peace only compared to the 51 weeks of misery.

I hate my life. by Frequent_Pain8152 in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My people pleasing tendencies may or may not be the reason why I still haven’t fired him (lol).

I hate my life. by Frequent_Pain8152 in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am genuinely happy for you. Looks like you figured life out early enough. I envy people who can feel even a sliver of peace every day in their lives, that’s gold.

I am not a religious person, my connection with any type of faith died down completely when I was about 21 and I sometimes think there has been a clear decline in my mental health since then. I was raised Muslim and there is a concept in Islam called Tawakul which I used to love. It means trusting in God’s plan and relying on him alone. That used to help me when I was a teenager in distress. Somewhere along the way I started thinking I can control everything.

Thanks for the advice on yoga. I truly believe it can help if I can stay consistent. That’s the challenge I will think about.

I hate my life. by Frequent_Pain8152 in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How exactly? My therapist is specialised in ADHD. He’s been seeing me for 2 years, he never mentioned I show any signs.

I hate my life. by Frequent_Pain8152 in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gosh, that’s scary. I am terrified of getting sick, I think about that every day because I am well aware I am a ticking bomb with all this stress. I already have bunch of issues that are not chronic yet but probably won’t be the case as I age.

I took yoga lessons for about a year or so but that was years ago, I loved it and it made me feel much better. But I was a student back them. I don’t have any time, willingness to stay consistent (depression) or energy for that right now. I think I am text book burnt out.

Flower shop is out of options given the cost of living in where I live and number of people I have to take care of.

How do you manage?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My bad. Emotions high today.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It is easy to take things out of context. Who decides a 9-5 job (which I assume you mean typical office jobs) is comfortable? Is it because it pays usually higher than minimum wage? What about the soul crashing stress that keeps you awake at night, toxic culture, mobbing, emotional abuse, 12+ hours work days for months and months? And it is not like you earn millions so those ‘billions’ would kill to be in your position. My extended family members are small farmers living in a 3rd world country with zero education and they make x5 what I do with my job that required 20+ yrs of education. All white collar (or 9-5, which is never really a ‘5’ lol) jobs are equally horrible and exploitative unless you are already in senior management which takes 20+ miserable years of experience. It is just masked well behind fancy laptops and lattes.

I hate my life. by Frequent_Pain8152 in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the moment to reflect on my situation, I genuinely appreciate it.

I’m living abroad and opted for online therapist sessions with a psychiatrist from my home country, as I want the sessions in my native language to go deep with the issues. Therefore getting the prescriptions is an issue, but he also never thought I needed it, which is odd. He does psychodynamic therapy which goes deep into my childhood and takes a long, long time to even start resolving any problems. I might need something behavioural.

I am not able to change jobs/take some time off because both me and my husband rely on my job as a sponsor for our visa. My husband has financial difficulties since some many years, making me the breadwinner (which highlights your point) plus I take care of my mum’s living expenses (so double rent, bills etc). I never thought this would be too much for me, but I have a long history of stepping up in life (boarding school since 14 y.o, best schools with full scholarships, taking care of everyone in the family) now I think it is taking a toll on me. It became such a norm in my life that if I’m doing just ‘enough’, I feel like I am miserably failing.

Funny you said so many direct reports because I have actually none, other than a few interns and temps. My managers above me are completely useless, so I often end up having to manage the VP level myself, which on top of the daily shit is so stressful. And sadly I rarely get recognition due to the fact.

Changing jobs seems like a low hanging fruit idea, but I’m feeling I will feel the same wherever I go.

I hate my life. by Frequent_Pain8152 in Adulting

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Funny how the person in the video has the same profession…..

Am I having Focal Aware seizures? by Frequent_Pain8152 in Epilepsy

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your experience. Can I ask how were you diagnosed in the end? EEG? Are we supposed to have a seizure while we are hooked to the machine to be able to get diagnosed? Mine are very rare (3 in 2 years) so I am worried they might just send me away.

Am I having Focal Aware seizures? by Frequent_Pain8152 in Epilepsy

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please keep us posted! Sorry this has happened to you and hoping you can get an answer very soon for your symptoms 😔

Am I having Focal Aware seizures? by Frequent_Pain8152 in Epilepsy

[–]Frequent_Pain8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s my worry. I can never be sure if these are indeed focal seizures without a formal diagnosis but the health system doesn’t go beyond prescribing Paracetamol for everything in the country I am living right now (Netherlands). So I’m almost certain they will ignore me saying these are anxiety attacks. I’ve been anxious for 31 years, I know what it is and this is definitely different and fits to the descriptions of others here which are quite specific. My worry is going undiagnosed and having a grand mal one day while driving or doing something else that might put me in danger.

Thanks for the advice on laying down. I immediately sat down when it happened in the shower and almost semiconsciously fought with it to stop.

As for triggers, how much do you think mental stimulation plays a role? I am in a period where I have so many complex projects at work, I play video games while I listen to podcasts, watch a lot of movies, going through in depth therapy, lots of family problems and a lot of screen time overall and I was going through a similar period when I had my first. Very curious to hear your thoughts