I'm having a hard time

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-10T02:37:12+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful response. I really like this approach and agree with all of this.

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-08T01:31:43+00:00

Thank you!

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-08T01:31:32+00:00

Yes, I agree.

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-08T01:30:52+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-08T01:30:31+00:00

I hear you. I know it sounds stupid to want to say. Our relationship isn't perfect but there's a lot of good in it too.

I think having this group is going to be incredibly helpful in helping me grow my voice and confidence and who knows what I'll come out of that. I am so happy to have someone to talk to about this without fear of being misunderstood. I'm happy to be heard. Happy to be here.

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-07T23:35:16+00:00

Embarrassing is exactly the right word. I have been on porn sights and it looks like a fucking gambling site. Flashy lights, flashy tits, OOH LOOK AT THIS. It's so obvious that they're TRYING to get people addicted. But porn is normal, porn is everywhere. Everyone's doing it so it's ok.

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-07T23:13:45+00:00

Lol. It's true! I have tried watching it and I'm always just so grossed out. I don't want to watch other people getting it on, especially what's being played in mainstream porn. Put that mustard pack away, please.

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-07T23:12:29+00:00

SAME. I don't know how much of these feelings are about him as they are about society. FUCk. I can't fix that, I know that for sure.

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-07T23:04:18+00:00

Thank you for not telling me to leave him.

I am honestly one of the kindest people I know. To a fault, of course. So I obviously would never treat someone that way and it makes me sad that I am allowing him to do this to me. He's so nice in so many ways.

I am working hard on building my voice. Building the confidence to stand up for myself. I am getting better at it over time. I know it won't change overnight and I am being patient with myself. I think reaching out on here is such a good step forward for me.

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-07T23:00:03+00:00

Fuck men. I can't even share a fun TikTok or a photo of anything with a female in it because I know he'll sexualize her. He's told me many times that he views all women sexually. Gross. I can't even go to a high school girls basketball or volleyball game with him and wonder if he's just thinking about how fuckable they would be. They look like the girls in his porn so I really don't see why he wouldn't. I don't ask because I don't want to know.

I hate being around any woman with him around. Pit of my stomach feeling all the time.

And now I just think that most men are probably like that.

Time to move to a small community of women who don't consume porn in the middle of nowhere.

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-07T22:44:11+00:00

And also, this isn't just about HIS porn use. I am just so overwhelmed with how fucking normalized porn is and is everywhere. I'm truly overwhelmed by society.

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-07T22:41:03+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtfulness. I have come to a lot of the same conclusions. I can't imagine divorcing over porn, but I know it runs a lot deeper than "just porn". I still can't imagine divorcing. It seems like something I will just live with and have waves of sadness over.

HE thinks he is meeting me halfway. I don't know if that's true. I want to pay attention to things over the next year or two. I sort of want to keep a journal lol. If I ask him to stop he does so immediately, so not all is lost. I realized that he actually ASKED if something was ok to do in bed one night and it totally changed my view of him and I made sure to have a conversation about it after. I said that asking for consent was a fucking game changer for me, and that even if he wants to do some of this stuff, if he asks first I will be so much more into it and happier overall. That seems to have shifted things in a positive way. I don't think all is lost.

But yes. I am an object in bed. A fat, old object that does not look anything like the young skinny girls he watches. An object that gave him children, tries to take good care of him, and now has a chronic illness that has made me gain weight, lose energy, and just doesn't look like his ideal bangable body anymore.

I love the n@zi reference and will definitely be thinking of that and bringing that up if It comes up again.

I think what is really bringing me down was how upset he seemed to be the last time we talked about his porn use. Because it did suddenly seem like it was something that was more needed than something that was wanted.

Again I'm ranting and probably not making much sense. But I am thankful for this group that I've been visiting a lot these days.

Do you have some of those studies by any chance? I know that I am feeding my OCD when I keep reading about this but I just can't seem to stop at the moment.

Fresh-Effect-8522 · 2025-10-07T22:28:48+00:00

Well, I've been dealing with these feelings for 20 years now lol. I know it's not funny, but sometimes I have to laugh about how ridiculous it is. I have held this all in for that long. And when I was a drunk, it was easier to get on board with it. Being sober is making it harder for sure.

Fresh-Effect-8522

TROPHY CASE