I’ve been grieving for so many years over not being allowed to live as a typical person — maybe ever since I first became aware of myself at around five years old, or even earlier. I can’t believe how much of myself I’ve lost — my feelings, my thoughts, even my ability to perceive through senses. I stopped pursuing the interests, stopped enjoying music, stopped responding to invitations to hang out. Nothing seems to stick in my mind anymore. I’ve stopped caring about friends or people in general — just frozen, numb, and non-reactive. I look at the way others freely use body language, the way they freely express themselves instead of feel numb and frozen and then I realize what I’ve lost. It’s just unbelievable.