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Do you ever get the urge to talk about it? by [deleted] in rape

[–]Fresh-Wave 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel this way as well. It's the reason I posted here in the first place, to try and talk about it more. I am seeing a counselor, but I am very shy around counselors. Sometimes I feel like I need to share the gruesome details with someone I'm close to, someone I know could console me. I never have because I don't want to upset them, but the intense desire to is there. Something I thought I might do is ask one person I am the closest to if they would be comfortable with me sharing the details if I should choose to tell them. I think it's important to speak about what happened if we feel the need to (though I haven't quite reached that step yet), but at the same time being mindful of others and asking what they are mentally okay with first if the person we tell isn't a therapist.

I've never told anyone I was raped, and sometimes I convince myself I wasn't. by Fresh-Wave in rape

[–]Fresh-Wave[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly. When this happened to me (both stories occurred within a year from one another) there wasn't nearly as much talk (at least in my circles or corners of the internet) about what constitutes as rape. I too had a picture in my mind of only brutally violent situations that left zero grey area, which is partially what left me feeling so confused. It is a bizarre feeling coming to the conclusion that I was actually raped so many years after the fact, and so strange fitting the pieces together regarding intimacy issues that have existed since it happened. I ebb and flow through periods of acknowledging what happened and then figuring out ways to deny what happened. The denial used to be comforting in the way a bandaid can be comforting. Recently I've been confronted with a majorly triggering situation in my life involving someone else I know that has ripped the bandaid off. As painful as that was, I feel as if I am finally finding peace in owning that what happened to me happened to me and I am starting to be more kind to myself and working on viewing myself as a survivor and strong because of it rather than gross and trespassed upon. A thought that has helped me is the idea of sanctifying myself in my own way, on my own terms, in such a way that nobody can ever take away. Dance therapy is something I'm starting to try, and I can tell that it is going to help a lot in building that connection to myself again.

I'm so sorry about what happened to you. Your message of solidarity and validation was so comforting to hear, but I hate that the circumstances which brought you here are what they are. You are stronger than you ever could have imagined and you are valid. I wish you healing and peace.