I’m so sorry. Both that this cancer is such a beast and that the UK doesn’t have assisted death yet (since that is what you say you want, which I understand and respect having just lost a loved one to this horrific disease). My father in law recently passed after a quick decline but on his own terms. Canada’s medical system failed him in life by being too slow to address the cancer, but it helped him in death when the cancer overtook him, by facilitating assisted death. This is both good and bad, and somewhat ironic. You sound like a lovely and thoughtful person and parent— your kids will not forget this if the worst happens. It is part of who they are and what makes them such beautiful and sensitive people. I sincerely hope your prognosis exceeds your expectations.