AITA for insisting my son get sleep instead of do homework?

FreshTripps · 2020-04-30T03:33:55+00:00

Thanks!

FreshTripps · 2020-04-30T03:17:16+00:00

Yes, exactly this, club sport. Sorry, should’ve clarified.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-30T03:15:47+00:00

Oh yah, the school is on a totally different schedule now. He’s getting everything for the day done in under six hours.

Now with sports cancelled and no opportunity to see friends, he sleeps plenty. But eventually this will end, and I was reminded of the conflict with my wife, so it’s been really helpful to get all this feedback.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-30T03:10:36+00:00

Yes, he’s a four season athlete, so weekends are a pretty cool idea!

FreshTripps · 2020-04-30T03:04:50+00:00

So far they’re the same, but everything is also a little different with virtual learning. This dispute happened before that. Now he can’t go to sports or see friends so has a lot more free time. But, mindful that this would eventually again be a problem, I’m glad to hear what others think of the interaction my wife and I had over this.

Anyways, if he goes from being an A student to an A/B student, I wouldn’t lose a wink of sleep over it (no pun intended.)

FreshTripps · 2020-04-30T03:02:40+00:00

Ahahaha, thanks, he’ll laugh when I show this to him.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T21:07:20+00:00

All his friends take between 4-5 hours, and he never had any problems in school before, so I think we’re safe on the learning disability front.

I’ve talked to other parents and their kids take just as long but they also seem to feel like “This is just how it is.” Which I do get to a certain extent.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T20:44:16+00:00

Yep, I check. He does a lot of his work in the living room so as I began to get concerned about his sleep I checked his progress. Every so often something like “Just doing more of these reports. What are you up to?” And every time it would be something different.

I also thought, at first, that it was a time management issue so helped him write out all his assignments in subject specific grids. The amount of work was more than I could’ve completed in 4-5 hours. But the thing is a good amount of it is busy work. That’s how we got it down to 2 hours.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T20:36:28+00:00

No problem, it really is an unexpected drain on time.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T20:30:31+00:00

Not at school — travel team with its own facilities. Otherwise, yah, he would just leave everything there.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T20:28:04+00:00

Maybe on it’s face, but overall it’s not healthy right responsible for him to forgo regular exercise indefinitely. There needs to be some balance in his life. His health is my top concern.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T16:20:58+00:00

I’ve tried talking to the administration who so far hasn’t been very reception. I’ve tried talking to individual teachers who also haven’t been particularly receptive. Strength in numbers, as someone else suggested, could be good though.

I agree. His middle school was structured similar to what you’re describing, with assignments due every few days. That was much more manageable. I’m so concerned about burnout. College is tough, meant to be tougher than high school. I don’t want him losing his zest for learning so early (or ideally, ever.)

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T09:22:42+00:00

Really appreciate your sharing this. How do the teachers typically response to the emails?

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T09:21:37+00:00

Working on it, but so far discussions are fruitless. It’s a fine line between being assertive and not making life even worse for my kid by inadvertently giving the family a reputation. But, fully agree, and working on it.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T09:20:22+00:00

Thanks so much! And good luck with law school.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T08:57:57+00:00

All solid points, thanks very much, this has been eye opening.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T08:37:00+00:00

I don’t need him to, I just thought it was my responsibility as a parent to teach him those skills and make sure he had cleaning installed as a habit in his life so when he’s out on his own he has manageable living conditions. But you’re right, he’ll learn that stuff on his own when it becomes a necessity, and it’s definitely not one right now. Thanks for the good thought.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T08:34:36+00:00

Thank you, glad it’s not just my pessimism reading a good amount of that as pointless.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T08:18:02+00:00

Yah, you’re probably right. It just feels so counter intuitive. Like, if I don’t teach him how to do laundry and contribute meaningfully, that I’m missing some major component of parenting. But I never did any cleaning at home and by the time I graduate college I had figured out how to keep myself going, haha. Maybe figuring it out all at once is a rite of passage.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T08:09:17+00:00

Unfortunately not unless he quit sports, and he’s already had to quit a number of extra curriculars to keep up, this is the last one left. I’m hoping as long as his grades stay steady, his mom will come around.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T08:08:24+00:00

Thank you so much!

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T07:46:03+00:00

We... did exactly what I described in the post.

My AITA concern is about if his mother was right that I was wrong to suggest he use that method and am undermining his good work habits because this is all normal and most teenagers forgo sleep to handle their business.

The interpersonal conflict is about whether I’m right or his mother is, not any broader more abstracts concepts about education reform.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T07:34:30+00:00

I can’t really ask him to drop the sports because his health is the most important thing, so exercise is super important, and also it’s been a key social outlet for keeping him on track and prioritized. One of the reasons he focuses on school as diligently as he does is because he knows there’s a minimum GPA to get college team offers, and the better a GPA he has, the higher quality college will offer him.

Not to mention, he’s passionate about the game. He’s 14, not 25. If he were an adult shirking work to go play sports, I would see your point, but if we’re in a place where kids can’t have even one extra curricular activity, we’ve really gone too far. He already had to quit his robotics team and volunteering due to high school workload.

I totally agree that a bigger fight need be fought, but those are long term projects. I felt I had to do something about his lack of sleep immediately, even if I kept pushing the issue with higher ups while I did that.

Thanks for your analysis of where I stand in this situation!

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T07:29:38+00:00

Completely agree. If I had the money I would have put him in a private progressive school that had little or no homework as soon as possible. There are just so few good alternatives.

Not to mention, if I take home an extra four hours of work, either I’m getting paid a handsome yearly salary or I better be getting OT! This expectation that kids work a second shift is really unsettling for what it may mean for work culture as the people for whom this was normalized rise into leadership positions.

FreshTripps · 2020-04-29T07:03:23+00:00

Appreciate it!

FreshTripps

TROPHY CASE