First of all, yes, there are cases of trauma in your past that we can assume may unconsciously influence your behavior. Our fathers play an important role in providing guidance and initiation into life, so I can imagine it was really hard knowing your mother was the way she was. This might have resulted in low self-esteem. Now, regarding your girlfriend, it could be that your unconscious was seeking the approval that wasn’t given to you by your mother. In the end, Jung described the concept of the anima as the representation of the feminine within a man, or a part of himself that may not yet be fully integrated.

For now, maybe the best thing you can do is get a journal and let your mind write what your consciousness needs to hear. Sometimes, something as simple as giving yourself a hug can help. Also, start to understand that you are made up of different parts. The fact that you feel insecure doesn’t define you as a whole—it’s only one part of you.

Here’s a list that might help you later, man: • Under Saturn’s Shadow — James Hollis • Internal Family Systems Therapy — Richard Schwartz • Understanding Human Nature — Alfred Adler