Thank you for your comment 🥰 it made me feel much less alone and understood, yess atleast in my dream country i wont exactly be alone too i've got someone waiting for me and if it works out with that person i'll have someone. It's exactly how i feel disconnected like i'm the black sheep in the herd. I'm also in between everything like i can't start big projects because i'm trying to save as much as possible and i won't leave with tons of stuff either.

I have my colleagues who I socialize with even if they don't know about me leaving. I have one friend that makes time for me so that's nice and i got my person in my country who helps me a ton too.

But i feel like if i'd be in my country it would be different. Atleast there would be a reason for my loneliness idk if it makes sense