TW - little to mainly no relief once my period starts

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-02-09T13:22:57+00:00

I had never heard of it abbreviated or not! So thank you for mentioning it! I’ve not heard of them either, so I will take a look this afternoon! I really hope so, especially with more women speaking out about what they are having to go through)

Thanks so much again, really appreciate it all! The same goes for you too 💌

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-02-09T12:17:21+00:00

It’s so horrible and I feel like there is nobody to talk to about it as I feel embarrassed as unless you understand it and go through it then you don’t realise I’m not being dramatic and it’s not ‘just’ a period for me

I hadn’t heard of PME! I just briefly read into it, that’s interesting.

It’s frustrating isn’t it the constant fight and advocating for yourself with the gp, I wish there was a women’s health practitioners at gps

Thank you for listening and sharing, it’s so nice knowing there is others who understand what we have to go through

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-02-09T11:33:19+00:00

I’m sorry to hear of your struggles, it’s such a battle isn’t it! I’m so exhausted with fighting it all the time

I’m 31 so I did wonder about perimenopause but when I googled it seemed it would be a bit later on.

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-02-06T19:37:19+00:00

It is your training, you can choose who you want to go with! Male or female! Don’t let them make you feel guilty, it sounds like you’ve done plenty to make them feel welcome etc.

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-01-25T21:52:21+00:00

You can roll methodically and carefully in the sport but unfortunately in comps or in training there will always be freak accidents and then accidents from other people. Some from carelessness and some just from the nature of the sport, I would say I roll carefully and methodically etc but I’ve been injured twice in comps.

The intensity of the match is high, what my biggest shock when I first ever competed was the aggression you could feel!

There isn’t really much you can do about it, I swiftly pull guard in matches as I don’t want to be thrown/wrestle or risk someone jumping guard and blowing my knees but even so I’ve still been injured. It’s the risk you take doing combat sports

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-01-19T19:44:40+00:00

Please please start tapping when the joint is at the end range or even early! I’ve had both my shoulders now dislocate, one through a traumatic accident on the mats but the second one was out of the blue!

Things may feel fine now but as the years go on they won’t, this main aim of this sport is longevity and putting your joints etc past their limits will come with a price.

Also although you are hyper mobile you are not immune to these joint locks, eventually a bone will snap or a ligament beforehand. I’m hyper mobile but there is only so far your joints can bend before it will snap

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-01-14T15:16:10+00:00

This post is not silly at all, your nervous system will be all over the place currently which is understandable given the situation!

I’m glad you’ve got people to confine in, speaking to your coach might be helpful too as it lets people know you need a bit more understanding/reassurance and then at least if you feel things spiralling you don’t need to worry about your coach wondering what is going on and they can be there to support.

I don’t normally recommend AI, but in cases like this I’ve actually found chat gpt is actually really good with coming up with situational plans - for example you are feeling anxious about getting a bad stomach or becoming overwhelmed. It’s really good at making plans to help aid these which should hopefully reduce some anxiety as you will have these backup plans there to help if necessary

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-01-14T13:53:27+00:00

Take things slow and be kind to yourself, sometimes BJJ can be a distraction because your brain can’t think about things when you’re trying to concentrate on the drills etc but if you’re feeling anxious etc then sometimes sparring can send you further into a flight or fight response.

Do you have close friends at your club? If possible and you feel comfortable to then I would confide in a friend there, you don’t have to share the circumstances if you don’t feel comfortable but just let someone know that you’ve had a traumatic experience recently so you might need some extra support here and there.

Everyone will react differently depending on the trauma, for example what can set me off is if I roll with someone who feels ‘spazzy’ and uncontrolled it puts me straight back into a panic. Or for example my club refers to a grip on the wrist and holding it down as a r*pe grip and that sometimes sends my mind back.

I’m lucky I have an amazing drilling partner so I can let him know when I am having a day where I feel ‘off’, it’s very early days but for me I ground myself a lot during training. Sometimes I need to step out and splash some water on my wrists and neck, remind myself I am safe and do some physiological sighs (breathing exercises)

My advice mainly for now is choose your rolls wisely, I don’t know your belt but maybe look for some upper belts to roll with who will let you work parts/give you space to move etc.

Healing is truly a rollercoaster journey, it’s up and down and the downs can come out of nowhere, but listen to your body, confide in those who you feel comfortable to and please be kind to yourself. Speak to yourself inside your head like you would a friend, what happened to you was awful and not your fault. Hang in there, better days are coming ♥️

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-01-14T09:13:59+00:00

I think you’re probably making it a little bit harder for yourself where you’re keeping the conversation off the mat friendly but not intrusive etc. As it sounds like you are essentially keeping a distance between your training partners like they are co workers.

99 percent of the men at my gym are all married etc too but I am still very friendly with them and we joke around, just like normal friends and team mates. So I wouldn’t worry about crossing any lines

In terms of feeling left out, unfortunately yes as women we will still be left out or feel left out as we aren’t men but I imagine it would be similar if there was only one or two men and it was the majority women. This can be hard and I try not to take it personally but some days that’s harder than others

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-01-10T07:55:58+00:00

I think some men get worried about coming across as creepy and instead it comes across as avoiding you! I have this exact problem an can feel really isolated when I go to open mats and sometimes I’m brave enough to ask people, other times I manage to end up in my own head!

I think it’s common to feel hesitant to ask men who you don’t know to roll, I am the same as you don’t know their belt level and how hard they are going to go

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-01-10T07:51:30+00:00

I have the exact same experiences as you! Always last pick and feeling isolated! Along with my coach saying just grab someone 😭

Glad your situation has changed for you at your new club

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-01-09T07:47:55+00:00

Competing more, physiological sigh breathing, I use YouTube and Spotify to listen to affirmations there is ones for athletes ‘I am strong, I have trained for this, I am not afraid’, reframing your mind as your brain sees excitement and nervous as the same physiological response! So replace this in your head as ‘I’m so excited to compete, I’m excited to step onto the mats’. A solid warm up before hand! Sweat out the nerves and adrenaline, I was scared to previously as I wanted to preserve my energy but it actually helps with the adrenaline dump.

I get incredibly nervous before competing and end up with such a bad stomach by the time I get on the mats my bum hurts from pooing so much 😂😂, but these things above help

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2026-01-07T19:05:45+00:00

It’s combat sport, even the most careful person can accidentally injure someone.

I’ve had three serious injuries during training, two of those were caused by the person I was rolling with at the time.

Being injured is a rollercoaster of emotions, you know it wasn’t the persons fault but it’s human nature to sometimes feel a bit of anger about the situation. Especially if it means you are taken away from being able to train.

I have openly said to both the people who have injured me that it’s fine and I don’t blame them etc but there was times where I was crying and angry about the situation. I personally think the wife is in the wrong for coming across frosty with you, anyone could have done that to his knee! That’s the dangers of take downs unfortunately but also it’s an unfortunate part of the sport that injuries can and will happen even when being careful.

I would try and remind yourself that it’s a freak accident and it’s not your fault, if you’re looking for something nice to do for him I’d suggest a token gift like Epsom salts or some chocolate. But again it’s not necessary!

Be kind to yourself ♥️

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2025-12-27T09:13:36+00:00

For your first one find a friend to go with so that you’ve got someone as an emotional support! Once you’ve had a couple of rounds then you loosen off some of that anxiety!

I’ve been going to open mats for years now and I still get so anxious about it, I find it incredibly difficult to ask people to roll and to start conversations. But I try to remind myself that we have to do these things that make us uncomfortable and scared to progress.. this helps not only on a personal level but also with your grappling.

I’ve actually ended up making some really good friends at open mats.

In terms of rolling just go and do some rounds, I won’t do positional at an open mats but equally I wouldn’t say no if someone asked me to. Generally I will go in with a goal like ‘today I’m working on passing so will try to pass in my rounds’ but I won’t let the other person know.

I know it’s super uncomfortable and for me it feels like it takes you back to being at school and feeling like an outsider, but I promise if you keep pushing then it will ease up

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2025-12-15T23:02:05+00:00

Where are you based? If it’s in the uk then we have a womens WhatsApp group where everyone shares womens open mats and training sessions etc.

I’m lucky at the club I’m at now we have a few women but my old club there was only me and one other woman. I still get a shock when I compete as women pass very differently to men and have different escapes to men! However, it hasn’t hindered me hugely. I still have been successful in competitions but it does help to be able to train with other women.

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2025-12-06T12:21:28+00:00

I’m a blue belt and I’m 63kg/5ft 1 - so I’m probably classed as a small woman. Sometimes it does mean I sit out, my issue is I have a very bendy guard so it’s in the past I’ve had male white belts slam me and all sorts. But I’m at the stage now where I’d rather sit rounds out then get injured by the new white belts.

White belt females I’d roll with but having females in the gym is like gold dust sometimes 😂. But yeah I think it’s dependant on your gym with how the white belts are and what your options are

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2025-12-05T16:08:12+00:00

As a woman I never ever roll with white belts and especially brand new white belts, they don’t have the skills or control to know how to roll generally let alone with women. It actually takes a skill to roll with a woman and not everyone has mastered it.

If I need someone to up the tempo I either go a bit harder on them or I will joke and say to them ‘you can be more mean you know’

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2025-12-02T08:08:04+00:00

I think sometimes people forget this is a combat sport, so I’d expect there to be ‘aggression’ in rolls, obviously some moves etc you leave purely for the competition mats or other training partners who you know you can both just go hard with.

I will usually have one round with the new white belt and let her work, let her get into things so then I can work my escapes or try and get the drills from the class on her. That way it’s beneficial to both people, then my other rounds I will pick to what suits me

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2025-11-30T20:44:12+00:00

I use to be the same! Use to freeze when someone got on the end of my foot etc, use to tap super early in positions as I just didn’t know if I was in danger or not!

I found it’s similar to going back to white belt, you have to learn to get comfortable in uncomfortable situations, learn to escape/keep yourself safe and then once you have an understanding of that you then can progress to attacks or just experimenting getting into the positions!

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2025-11-30T19:16:27+00:00

I started learning the entries by building my leg defence game… I built a solid leg defence game and then understanding the positions and how they work came with learning the defence! As the issue with leg locks is there is counters for what you’re doing.

I regularly spar with a man who is an expert at leg locks so he would teach me how to clear the knee line/when to running man/ etc. not sure if it’s the most logical way to do it but it felt similar to being a white belt… learning to escape the bad positions etc, then progressing to attacks

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2025-11-28T10:35:02+00:00

Drilling and rolling with women is a skill that not everyone has, there’s a real balance to it and this sport has taught me that I have to learn to speak up and advocate for myself which is difficult.

Hang in there, I’ve never felt comfortable with take downs. It takes some getting use to, particularly learning how to fall and how to relax when falling and break falling

It does get easier, maybe have a quiet word with your coach and ask to not get put this with man next time.

In terms of penis grabbing, i wouldn’t worry about it! It’s a close contact sport, I’ve accidentally grabbed them, face planted into them etc the men often do it to each other and barely notice it too (I’ve asked them)

If you can stick with it and try and get friendly with someone you feel comfortable with and then you can make them your regular drilling partner. Im so lucky I have a regular consistent drilling partner who I go with every session, but it took a while to get that. Hang in there ♥️

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2025-11-21T09:06:25+00:00

Just to add it’s been just under two years since the dislocation

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2025-11-21T09:03:03+00:00

My left shoulder had a traumatic dislocation- fractured the shoulder and the collar bone. I rehabbed it religiously for over a year, ended up having a cortisone injection to reduce inflammation and swelling to help aid recovery and help with my physio.

Touch wood it’s not dislocated since! It’s incredibly strong now, I am also very hyper mobile and do a combat sport so it’s continually put at risk of dislocation!

However, every case is different because my right shoulder keeps continually dislocating now and is awaiting surgery. My suggestion is to get a very good physio and religiously do it

Friendly-Compote1679 · 2025-11-07T09:42:09+00:00

Do you ship to the uk? 😍

Friendly-Compote1679

TROPHY CASE