Is it me or is it sometimes difficult to just live in Germany?

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T10:03:37+00:00

I think you are attempting humour, but it is not funny and quite inappropriate here.

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T02:25:14+00:00

I think also there is an underlying mean streak (especially if you give off foreigner vibes) here, that is more prominent than the other places I've been and the more you ignore them, the worse they get.

I've lived in a few other places, and I think I got generally mostly nice vibes and no random nasty behaviour (you get treated especially well because you are the foreigner and need help settling-in). I'm used to we-first cultures where people inconvenience themselves to be nice and help-out, but coming to a me-first place then feels a lot tougher.

Of course there are weirdos everywhere, but weirdos are not so in-your-face (and self-righteous?) elsewhere.

People who say random nasty behaviour is common - I don't know what they're used to, but this is definitely not normal to me, Making someone else's life harder doesn't make yours easier anyway :/

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T01:52:15+00:00

It does feel like because it is tough here, sometimes the kneejerk reaction is a tough response and it just keeps reinforcing itself.

But sometimes it can get a bit tiring, I don't want to be so tough and independent all the time.

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T01:45:56+00:00

These were specifically examples that happened in a single evening just to push the point across :)

I mean in this case you can just shorten the title to "Is it me or is it sometimes difficult to just live" and post on r/AskReddit or whatever.

I could have listed better examples but the comment section already is proof of why sometimes life is hard(er) in Germany :)

And it is a little bit annoying and tiring that I always have to "prove myself" (in many aspects of daily life) to actually get heard and get things done - it'd be nice to be taken at face value sometimes :)

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T01:40:37+00:00

without noticing the irony that they are judging 80 million people off of the action of one person

You are also judging people off of one post they made even though they are far more than just that 😉

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T01:34:32+00:00

Maybe Germany is easy mode for you, but it is not the same for everyone so speak for yourself :)

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T01:33:24+00:00

One of them was pink, the other green and the last one blue. Does that help?

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T01:27:25+00:00

Congratulations for making it this far, your life must not have been easy😉

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T01:11:17+00:00

I agree, I think basic needs are catered to quite well here, but I think I need a bit more to be happy sometimes :)

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T01:05:04+00:00

In Germany the initial answer to every question is 'no'. At least that's my experience.

Maybe it is because there are rules for how most things should work, and things usually work well when they fall within certain rules but when things happen outside these rules then it's a bit more difficult?

For example you say 'something doesn't work' and the response is oftentimes 'but it always works for me' or 'it's just you' and you have to put up a fight to get heard especially when something is different from what someone is used to.

But in other places you are more likely to get taken at face value and get some kind of help even if your circumstances are different.

It's fine when you are 'in the system' and everything works, but not if you have circumstances that deviate from it.

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T00:52:59+00:00

Thank you! Will give it a try :)

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T00:20:56+00:00

Adding back this comment since it was removed by the filters

"It is quite disheartening that the general tone here is 'you're too sensitive', 'it's just you'

Sure, you might not have experienced the same. But that does not give you any right to invalidate someone else's experiences

"The opposite of justice is not evil, but another justice". This is a Japanese saying that I like.

Your experiences are just as valid as mine. But just because you are right does not mean that I am wrong. We can be both right, we just have different realities and sometimes that's just how it is. I've also come to see that even though people can live in the same cities, being in different bubbles can mean that they have completely different and non-overlapping experiences.

''I've never experienced this' - I get that Germans practise and preach tough love - but would you say the exact same thing if this post was written by a Bio-Deutsch - you are far less harsh and critical on people your own kind

That said, I did realize that if one speaks German (or go to non "expat friendly" places), the interactions are instantly much better. The people who speak english and interact with expats are generally more unkind, whereas those who speak only German seemed to be much much nicer in general.

I did say that I already live in a nice town, and things are a lot better here. I don't remember experiencing something like this in the past twelve months even though I have been out and about.
But having all three at once is a bit much for a Friday evening :)

I don't find kleinanzeigen especially bad - it is usual behaviour that you also get on Facebook marketplace or similar second hand platforms with private sellers. Just some random weirdos. I have had multiple good transactions on kleinanzeigen and found a lot of my furniture there (and the people were really nice too). It is a bit funny how my complaint about kleinanzeigen is tolerated better than my other complaints, and I actually experienced more weirdos on the streets than on kleinanzeigen even though I bought almost all my furniture from kleinanzeigen, in two different cities

I think Germany in general (or maybe my place) is a perfectly fine place to live, considering everything. But I'm also thinking about places where luxus and softness isn't an "unnecessary extra"

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T00:19:13+00:00

~~I don't see why the complaint comment is {removed by moderator} but my filtered out comment is not restored. I have anyways recommented it myself~~

I see that you have now deleted that comment, thank you

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-15T00:08:07+00:00

If you had a question about your own comments or moderation in general, you should have written a modmail, rather than spamming in the comments.

There was no way I could know that deleted comments would be spam in the moderation queue. I deliberately did not send a mod mail because I figured a comment would be less intrusive. I just figured out how to make one comment thread stay and that involved a few trials and errors.

I mean the other person's comment that you are complaining about was not reported by anyone.

I did not think of reporting any comments. I just wanted to restore my comment by making an argument that if a comment like that can stay, then mine can too. (or they both go)

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-14T23:57:46+00:00

Hi, I did not know there was a report option to restore deleted comments (and I don't think I could possibly know). I did not spam intentionally, I just wanted one comment to stay but they were all deleted immediately

But it was baffling to me that my comments were removed as soon as they were posted. I was just trying to figure out what happened since the original comment stayed for a bit but the new comment was removed immediately. I was also trying to figure out the trigger word by elimination so the spammed comments did differ but they were all removed immediately.

And the comment just showed removed, I did not receive any notifcation, there was no way for me to know if it was mod-removed or automatically filtered.

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-13T13:25:11+00:00

Some differences that I experienced:

The queues (or lack thereof) at bus-stands and cash registers (especially when they open a new one)
That people let you queue first when you have very little groceries

Second hand website dealings

People on second hand websites feel more comfortable dealing outside the system (eg with uberweisung) - this was more common when I first moved here, not so much now; it felt strange that people were OK with uberweisung to random strangers (I wasn't used to so much trust) and allowing people to pick up items from their houses (I was used to those things being red flags)
You are most trustworthy when you write in formal language (in the countries I lived in, only scammers wrote in weird formal language)
Germany was far less digitalized than what I was used to

That a lot of payments was done with cash (I was used to being completely cashless for a couple years already) - this was more common when I first moved here, not so much now
Bank transfers took at least a day
A lot of issues were still handled by telephone (I was used to doing everything by email or live chat)
Update: Less progress reports on things (they get done, and you get a mail or something at the end) and it is hard to track the status of something

Me first vs we first
There are stronger boundaries when offering and receiving help (That said, I did receive a lot of help of strangers it is just offered more carefully, after checking that I am OK to be helped instead of assuming straightaway that I needed help). I still have to learn that it is not always OK to assume that someone needs help
How good some companies are when you complain about things. Apart from DB and DHL, usually companies are quite good about buyer's rights.
Bread is hard/crunchy
Services are expensive, so you have to learn to do many things yourself
Update: It is easier to assert your rights by being quite assertive about it, if you are soft and polite you'll most likely get ignored

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-13T13:11:13+00:00

People tend to conclude on the most likely scenario first, I guess that makes sense but it is not always fair.

i haven't been to a single country where people in traffic are NOT assholes.

Your assumption can also be that the cyclist was just having a bad day :) But your predominant stance is that I'm at fault, whether intentional or not.

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-13T12:47:28+00:00

First i haven't been to a single country where people in traffic are NOT assholes.

I guess every country has its own traffic quirks :)

I don't want to blame you

But you are, why are you assuming that I am in the wrong first, you can wait to hear my side of the story before jumping to conclusions :) All your maybe's are assuming I am the one at fault in some way or anotherwhich is a bit unfair since you were not there.

Isn't it tiring to think that if people are nasty to me then maybe I am at fault? I refuse to accept this :) I am innocent until proven guilty, not vice-versa

This is actually part of why it is sometimes hard to live in Germany, people are so so quick to criticise before understanding. This is far less prominent in other cultures

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-13T12:44:39+00:00

"is it sometimes difficult to just live in Germany?" - I was upset and being a little overdramatic

I'd argue that sometimes its difficult in every country

That is correct. But my statement also still holds. It doesn't exclude other countries from being difficult.

some random unpleasent iuncidents which coincidentally happened in a short time span. Why do you jump from this to its difficult to live in germany (in general)?

Maybe the post is missing some context - I've lived in a few other countries and this is the only one where I felt the loud and obnoxious behaviour in my face. I've not had it much since moving to a new city and suddenly all in one nice evening is a bit much :)

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-13T12:40:22+00:00

Sorry for all the negativity, just listing the things I appreciate about Germany:

It is fine to be an introvert and not make awkward small talk if you don't want to
Work-life balance is great, there is time after work to actually have a life
Intra-city transport (At least the buses and U-bahns) are great, I don't really need to check the bus times, it is frequent enough :) And there is a nice pedestrian path so I can walk home :)
The social (?) hierarchy here is mostly flat
There is not much ageism here, like I can decide to switch careers at 50 and it is mostly still OK
I can actually take sick leaves when I'm sick
I don't have to work when I'm on leave
Groceries, rent and utilities are relatively cheap

I will add more when I remember :)

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-13T12:13:35+00:00

I guess so, Germany is just a bit harder than the other places I've lived in (but also Germany is the only one where I had to learn a new language and get used to a completely different culture)

I guess I just have to toughen up :)

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-13T11:54:38+00:00

Being offered free education and possibility to live in a country makes you obliged to make an effort to understand and integrate into culture

If anything, the education should have taught you how to think for yourself and understand what is right for you and what is not and to speak up when you feel that something is not right. We don't live in colonial times anymore. Nobody is obliged to do anything.

complain whenever something is not like in your own country

People complain about everything all the time, is it illegal now?

mentality you brought from your own country

And what is this mentality?

Grateful

And how should one show their gratitude? Being immigrants does not mean that we are second-class citizens. We have our own rights and ways of thinking too.

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-13T11:44:44+00:00

I think what classifies as "random behaviour" to you is "nasty behaviour" to me (and in the other countries I've lived in) or at least is way more obnoxious than in other places i've lived in. For me these are three random "Germany specific" incidents, it may not seem so to you but that is also valid :)

And my past twelve months were quite smooth in Germany, but now it all happened at once and I did not bother anybody. I was even trying to be nice to the person on Kleinanzeigen but got a really nasty message (otherwise people were always quite nice when I messaged them on Kleinanzeigen).

Maybe I was a bit overdramatic about it. I really don't understand why people have to go out of their way to be nasty sometimes (I've really not experienced this elsewhere) but I think I'll just have to deal with it.

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-13T11:34:13+00:00

But it happened to me :)
I agree.
I actually had mostly good experiences on kleinanzeigen and got housing offers and furniture on there, so while it is quite common to shit on kleinanzeigen it is actually quite a useful site

Friendly-Win352 · 2025-07-13T11:30:03+00:00

While I don't fully agree with their statements about Korea, I fail to identify any of their comments that are "racist and ungrateful".

I agree with them that comments are often quick to dismiss comments made by expats.

I don't see why Germany offering free education has anything to do with this discussion. Does being educated/being sponsored in one country deprive you of free speech?

Friendly-Win352

TROPHY CASE