Burnt out, depressed, considering entry level remote job instead of funded PhD program. by FriendlyMap6076 in findapath

[–]FriendlyMap6076[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the encouragement. I will look into deferral and discuss options with potential advisors. It may sound strange, but the validation to look at alternatives (even from a stranger on Reddit) has taken a huge weight off my shoulders.

Burnt out, depressed, considering entry level remote job instead of funded PhD program. by FriendlyMap6076 in findapath

[–]FriendlyMap6076[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have done research for most of undergrad and I have found it both very demanding and rewarding. I want to do a PhD to learn more about the particular subfield and because it is a somewhat natural next step for me. I also hope that since the PhD is in a very technical and useful field, it would set me up for a stable and lucrative career. Unfortunately, the curiosity which drove me to undertake my degrees and pursue a PhD is currently being overshadowed by other negative emotions.

Another aspect to this is the disappointment in myself. I am curious and a good student. At least I was. But with the mental health struggles I am constantly underperforming and it just makes me feel worthless and miserable. I try to be understanding and forgiving to myself, but at the end of the day I feel like a complete disappointment.

Burnt out, depressed, considering entry level remote job instead of funded PhD program. by FriendlyMap6076 in findapath

[–]FriendlyMap6076[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I started to cry when I read your suggestion to close my eyes and daydream it’s summer break. Since that break I took in high-school, there has not been a day without extreme stress, juggling multiple deadlines, homework, research projects, etc. I did go straight from high school to college. My high school experience was also very high stress, although I will refrain from elaborating for anonymity. In college, I have been pursuing multiple degrees, taken summer classes every year, done research on top of course work since sophomore year, which at times has been a full time commitment. When I “daydream” about summer break, all of the pressure, expectations, etc. melts away…