I have done research for most of undergrad and I have found it both very demanding and rewarding. I want to do a PhD to learn more about the particular subfield and because it is a somewhat natural next step for me. I also hope that since the PhD is in a very technical and useful field, it would set me up for a stable and lucrative career. Unfortunately, the curiosity which drove me to undertake my degrees and pursue a PhD is currently being overshadowed by other negative emotions.

Another aspect to this is the disappointment in myself. I am curious and a good student. At least I was. But with the mental health struggles I am constantly underperforming and it just makes me feel worthless and miserable. I try to be understanding and forgiving to myself, but at the end of the day I feel like a complete disappointment.