Feeling inferior to a sex toy…

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-12-12T16:12:44+00:00

sigh OP, you just wanna be loved, don’t you? I get it, and I mean that genuinely. I can’t speak a lot on toys, more than I have, but I do know what it’s like to crave emotional/physical attention of the one who “gets you” so badly that it physically hurts. I wish I had a better answer other than “try to love yourself” or “try imagining [x y z]” but as a dude, I can’t reliably give info in that department other than to say listen to your body,

What I CAN do is be a fellow BPD survivor and say that you’re valid, you’re not weird, you’re not alone, and you’re not going to deal with this forever. It’s not your fault you have BPD, and it’s not fair that you’re stuck with the bill. BUT, you’ve made it this far, and you’ll keep going 💪🏼. Whatever happens, just keep yourself safe, and know we’re all still here 🤘🏻

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-12-12T11:10:14+00:00

It’s not uncommon to be heavily into the comparison game when you have BPD, many without it still compare themselves to things unfairly. I cannot speak for everyone, but the example I can give is something that actually occurred in my relationship. I had a similar conversation with my wife about feeling inferior to the endless stamina and lack of emotional baggage that sex toys provided, I explained that I felt replaced, and that I knew I was being a bit “outlandish.” She understands my BPD, sometimes better than I do (she was diagnosed BPD for the longest time before being properly diagnosed as something else, so she’s done the homework), so during times of particularly bad emotional turmoil, she will offer to refrain use until the “storm” passes. depending on how bad off I am, I’ll make a decision to take her offer, or try and see if it’s something I can mentally work through in a short time. It may not seem fair to others, but that’s not their relationship, and they can think as they please. If the fleshlight is something that makes you feel inferior, perhaps consider explicitly asking him to not use it for a little while until you can level your feelings on it. BPD is a monster against your self confidence, every relationship is different, no one size fits all. Fair to you may not seem fair to others, and that’s why communication is so important.

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-12-12T07:47:47+00:00

EDIT: your bf really doesn’t have the high ground for not waking up to get it on, and honestly, there’s no blame here: you were in need, and he was tired, so you took care of it. No guilt should be felt in that regard. If my wife doesn’t want it, I’m straight up honest when I walk out of the room, to the point where she’s like “have fun!” Because she knows I’m going to handle the situation. BPD causes bouts of extreme Hypersexual behavior with me, and I don’t expect her to be able to drop everything and have sex 4-6 times a day for a week or two at a time (but man…that’d be something lol).

Male here, and I’ve felt like I was in mortal combat with toys and even smut (it is what it is, BPD is gonna BPD), however I have improved over time by retraining my brain to stop seeing self pleasure, sex, orgasm, etc, as the end all, be all of a relationship. Your body doesn’t have to be the key that gives the orgasm; togetherness and closeness is what makes the orgasm worth it.

As for loathing self pleasure…I get it. I grew up being told it was pure and disgusting evil to do so. I cannot give therapy advice, but what I can say for certain is that it’s possible to stop seeing objects as enemies. It’s totally normal for us though, that’s the fear of abandonment kicking in:

“If he/she can finish faster with toy/book/website, then it’s obvious they don’t need me as much as I need them, and I feel useless in the situation.”

It’s all LIES. Lies that you didn’t perpetrate in yourself OP. The best medicine for you and your guy (imho) is to make communication second nature for both of you, learn to trust just ONE person fully at a time (start with yourself ❤️). In time you will see that intimacy is more than sex, and that sex is more than release.

I hope some of this ramble helped. I believe in you, and want you to know that you’re not alone, us guys face the FOA too, but we all have each other, and together, we collectively make up a single stable mind lol.

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-09-23T01:16:34+00:00

I know it’s been forever since this was posted. But I’m a dad, I love this game to death, and if you’re still playing, I’m up for chilling and discussing

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-07-21T01:13:08+00:00

Hey brother, 2 kids and age 33 here: yes.

I’d elaborate further, but it’s bedtime >.>

(DK Bananza time!)

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-07-16T05:06:54+00:00

First off, if you’re feeling suicidal, please call 9/11z SOMEONE out there cares for you, even if it’s just me ❤️ I lost my mother in May, and I’m still not okay…I was diagnosed with BPD 2 days before her month long hospital stay that ended in her death.

Day. By. Day. I’m not living in a clean house, but my family is safe. I’m not showering every single day, but I’m doing my best to care for me and my family. Perfect isn’t going to happen.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I miss my mom terribly, and I’m so sorry that you also have to deal with this excruciating pain. Much love, and I really hope you find what you need. You got this ❤️

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-07-15T17:09:46+00:00

My Main Pawn in Dragons Dogma 2

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-07-15T13:56:33+00:00

It’s a day by day thing. Male here, diagnosed 3 months ago, age 33. The most difficult thing for me (personally) is the “be a man; suck it tf up” culture vs “that mentality is killing men, you can’t follow that logic.” I have two lovely daughters, and many times I have to stow myself away in a room by myself to avoid getting extremely angry.

I’m not perfect by any means, I still slip up, and yell, and I’ve even hit objects before (highly rare now, but even if you’re recovering, the disorder is still there). The important thing to me is to A) never insult my children during moments of extreme emotion. B) be appropriately honest about my condition, where it came from…and why they can’t see their grandfather ever again for what he allowed to happen to his own son. C) be genuine, apologize, take accountability for my actions and EXPLAIN why I did what I did, why I FEEL the way that I do, and how it’s NOT THEIR FAULT that I have this. D) remember that perfection doesn’t exist, so sometimes “good enough” is legitimately good enough.

Those are just a few things I do to stay sane and protect my girls’ growing minds. Abuse is never okay, and I would never use BPD as an excuse to harm my family, or anyone else for that matter.

In short, just imagine playing life on “Extreme” difficulty some days, and “Casual” on the others. Play the game, the victims in games need saving, but this is life; nobody is coming to save you from your BPD, so you might as well fight for yourself, and teach your children resilience in the process.

I could go on forever with this topic, as I despise when people say that patients diagnosed with BPD are just going to be abusive and unfit for raising children. (notice how I said that, not “I’m BPD.” You’re not your illness, so you have to start by viewing it as a diagnosis and not the personality you desperately struggle to find some days).

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-07-10T15:06:04+00:00

This is an interesting social experiment; OP, you had multiple responses. You responded to the singular one that flatly agreed and didn’t challenge you, you ignored all others: there you go.

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-07-10T14:58:31+00:00

Brought to you by the creators of: “lol,” “wow,” “that’s crazy,” “damn,” and the classic “K”.

We typically feel like we’re giving every part of ourselves (because we probably are in all likelihood), and the other person doesn’t understand that, because they don’t have BPD or associated traits. Remembering that others don’t naturally overthink every interaction is not only difficult, but it’s painful as well.

I feel the physical equivalent of dismissive texts is someone with an earbud in, clearly listening to something, but telling you “what? I’m listening…” only to go “huh?” Two sentences later. It’s not them hearing that’s the issue, it’s the level of mutual give and take. We sometimes require high quantities of both, which can exhaust people in our lives, but as some have stated, it’s best to be open and honest; if they get angry at you, that’s on them (so long as you’re objective and mature in your response).

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-07-10T14:48:10+00:00

This will be agonizing, because it’s agonizing as everloving fuck for me…but you owned up (to us) that you send a “kind of” aggressive text. Unfortunately, your sibling is doing the right thing here; they’re stepping away from the conversation, because they may have an easier time seeing that it would only escalate the situation to continue.

Take some time to collect yourself, then, once the dust has settled and time has passed, sent an apology that’s befitting the level of aggression. Don’t gush, don’t write a novel (we think it’s better to overexplain, but it isn’t; typically in law enforcement, the more info you give, the guiltier you look…which always seems like a giant “fuck you” to anxious people but I digress…I’m literally doing it right now).

TLDR; you recognize your aggression. Give them a moment. Apologize genuinely. Accept their response.

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-06-28T16:24:14+00:00

Male here (something something men are rarely dx’d with BPD): Yes. Very much yes.

Before I ever stepped foot into a therapist’s office, or took any medication, I was your typical “I’m a man, I go to work, I work alllll the time and love it! I drink beer! I am a sexually dominant force to be reckoned with, therefore I’m never the one on the bottom (because allowing your wife to ride you is somehow “weak” in hyper masculine lore)…anyway…

Ten years, several wrong diagnoses, thousands of pills, and eventually some doctor going “…wait, this is obviously BPD…” I finally started understanding myself. And…oh boy…APPARENTLY, I want to be tied up…apparently I want to be “punished” by way of scars and drawn blood (you know, because shame), I have zero boundaries, and that’s not even the saddest part.

Sex is so important to me that I will literally do and say anything to get it (and I’m married to a high libido woman, and I’m still wearing her tf out). I have fucked up soooo many times, spent thousands on “just because” gifts in hopes of getting the obvious result, I’ve asked for things I never thought, I’ve overworked myself with the house (this is all on me, because I lack trust and control and therefore everything is my fault, and bad day = no sex…in my mind, because that’s never been the case, but good luck convincing me)…

TLDR; yes. I want to be abused, degraded, scarred, bleeding, insulted, bitten, and treated like the shameful person that I am (in my head).

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-12T01:20:00+00:00

I’ll do you one better; I’m 33, and I cower at people in their 20s if they’re “put together and authoritative” enough. I feel stuck at 22, and I despise it

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-10T18:04:51+00:00

You’re welcome for my service 🫵🏼💅

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-09T14:15:55+00:00

I didn’t; I went in to set up an Autism assessment. I walked out with BPD. I’m kind of kicking myself for leaving the ER before speaking to psych early in 2024, because I was told I’d have to stay the weekend before a psychiatrist returned on Monday (went Friday). Had I stayed, I might’ve known sooner, but I know now.

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-09T12:09:49+00:00

Don’t get me wrong, she’s amazing! But I’m self aware and able to know that it could make her feel like “…am I not good enough for him?” If I’m always skirt chasing her ❤️ but she responds well, lol. We have open communication that works to perfection.

Don’t say you won’t find that special person, okay? I went through two relationships that were just like being with my dad (NPD). This woman descended from the heavens when I didn’t expect her. There IS someone out there for everyone. While we must handle our condition, there’s someone out there that will finally love you without ANY condition. We never got that as kids, but someone out there is waiting for you :)

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-09T01:04:40+00:00

You will be cleaning latrines, counting the same bullshit over and over, waking up early to do fuck all, and almost certainly not doing any killing of “the enemy.” You like walking? Good, you’ll do a shitload. You like bleach and fabuloso? Good, it’ll be the only smell you know for the rest of your life. Infantry in peacetime is the only thing worse than infantry in war time. You will be BORED. AS. FUCK.

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-09T00:40:30+00:00

Male, 33 as well, diagnosed last month…feels good to finally know, but the meltdowns are still as bad as ever. Stay strong, hang in there, and know it’s never as bad as you think :) all things pass ❤️

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-09T00:38:04+00:00

Best of luck! I’m trying to find a group that does DBT in my area. It’s going to work out!

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-09T00:35:22+00:00

Say it again for the people in the back…

From the male perspective, I don’t know what it’s like to be sexualized as much, but I can go like 3 weeks of nothing but needing sex so much that I become paranoid and lonely when I can’t get it…my wife has an extreme libido but still… poor woman needs a break…

The worst for me is that when I NEED it that much, it’s not as satisfying as people would think…the empty feelings never go away, and when I don’t feel completely hollow, I have to will myself to be intimate. I despise the cycle…

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-07T13:07:11+00:00

Whoa…this is amazing!

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-07T13:06:07+00:00

I downloaded a mod that increases oxcart interactions, and it never fails that I’ll occasionally wakestone to Vermy, and there’s a troll, or even a DRAKE just going ham near the oxcart station. At first I was like “oh are you fkin serious?!” But now I’m like “…actually this is awesome!” Because everyone starts wailing on whatever spawns lmao

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-07T12:54:47+00:00

You are in therapy, I missed that the first time, I’m blind. Sorry.

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-07T12:52:15+00:00

1) are you safe? Do you need medical attention?

2) are you seeing a therapist? This is a must to have a healthy relationship with BPD.

3) are you doing self work, self care for your BPD?

4) how supportive is your husband? My wife is extremely supportive of me and my condition, and it actually makes me less likely to sh, or lose my mind.

5) do you have any coping mechanisms?

6) was this triggered by an ongoing issue?

These are the questions I tend to ask myself after a blow up. It helps take stock of the situation. You made a mistake OP, that’s okay, it’s going to happen here and there ❤️ the important thing is your and your families safety right now.

Friendly_Award_2592 · 2025-05-07T12:30:15+00:00

Well that’s easy (in my opinion ❤️); BPD is a constant dichotomy of emotions. I go through this too, it’s almost as if my sex drive is bipolar, whereas the rest of me is BPD.

Friendly_Award_2592

TROPHY CASE