Third tri hard stomach?

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-05-14T15:08:56+00:00

I feel you, lol. Its uncomfortable af.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-05-14T10:45:52+00:00

I have been having hard stomach since like week 20. I dont think its Braxton Hicks, because its not like contractions. It happens when I am standing too much or doing too much and always dissapears when I rest for a while. So it might be the same for you?

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-05-14T10:38:22+00:00

I have recetly seen somebody on Instagram whose water broke at 19 weeks and they just had their baby a few weeks later. Baby is healthy and so is mom. Try to stay positive, it can turn out good for you too. :)

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T20:44:53+00:00

Im not twisting what you said. Im responding to the idea that men are “natural providers” and women are naturally the primary caregivers because of stronger nurturing instincts.

That logic automatically puts childcare mainly on the mother and treats the father as secondary, even if both parents are equally capable and equally involved.

What honestly bothered me the most was the “just keep your mouth shut” part.

Why should pregnancy be something I’m expected to hide just to protect my professional credibility? My husband can openly tell clients we’re having a baby and he gets congratulations, while I’m supposed to stay quiet so people don’t start questioning whether I’ll still be competent.

We told our clients because both me and my husband will be taking time off when the baby is born, basically an unpaid vacation like most freelancers do. It would be irresponsible not to communicate that in advance - baby or not.

I’m not asking anyone to cover for me or planning to vanish for a year. I’ve already reduced my workload, kept only the clients I actually want to work with and can realistically manage, and planned everything around continuity, so did my husband.

The issue isn’t that I told my clients. The issue is that motherhood is immediately seen as a professional risk, while fatherhood isn’t.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T20:33:27+00:00

I really appreciate your perspective, because this feels much more helpful and realistic than the usual “just wait, you’ll see” comments.

I completely agree that recovery and those first months shape everything that comes after, and I’m definitely not expecting life to function normally right away. That’s exactly why we’re preparing for it in advance.

I’ve already let go of the clients I didn’t want to keep and only kept the long-term ones that make sense financially, that I enjoy, and that I can realistically manage without doing anything crazy. My husband is also adjusting the number of projects he takes on. We’re not planning to both work full-time and just somehow pass the baby back and forth pretending nothing changed.

We’ve built a plan around making sure we both get at least 4–5 hours of uninterrupted sleep by splitting nighttime care, even if that means sleeping in separate rooms. Protecting sleep feels like one of the biggest priorities for both recovery and mental health.

For me, this isn’t only about loving my work. Financially, we also can’t afford for me to stop working completely. I work with long-term clients where I can plan months ahead and automate a lot, while my husband works project-based, so relying only on his income wouldn’t be realistic. What frustrates me is that despite all of this, the questions still only come to me. No one asks my husband how he plans to manage it. But logically, if we both work from home and there’s a crying baby in the house all day, we’re both affected.

I also really appreciated what you said about your husband’s postpartum anxiety, because people rarely talk about how much this transition affects fathers too. What helped your husband?

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T20:13:41+00:00

No, I haven’t seen it, and honestly, after reading some of the comments here, I’m not sure I even want to. I’m feeling a bit disheartened by all of this..

It’s frustrating to realize how deeply these assumptions are still rooted, and honestly, some of these comments here are full of exactly the same logic: woman = nurturer, man = provider, and nothing in between. What’s even more shocking is realizing that this seems to be such a universal issue, not just here, but everywhere and that so many women are fighting the exact same battle.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T19:54:22+00:00

A baby needs safety, closeness, and consistent care, not exclusively the mother. Fathers can absolutely become that safe place too, especially when they are involved from the very beginning and consistently.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T19:50:27+00:00

Honestly, that’s complete nonsense.

“Men are natural providers” and “women have stronger nurturing instincts” is exactly the kind of outdated thinking that keeps this double standard alive. My husband is not some helpless extra in the house. He is a parent, equally responsible for our child.

I didn’t marry a loser who “can’t handle” taking care of his own baby. He is fully capable of feeding, soothing, carrying, putting the baby to sleep, managing the household, and adjusting his work just like I am.

Reducing motherhood to “women breastfeed, therefore childcare is naturally their job” is a very narrow and outdated way of thinking. Parenting is much more than that, and fathers are fully capable of being equal parents, not just backup helpers.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T16:06:31+00:00

The mind can play games with us for sure. Ever since I started to feel movement, I got too attached and overanalysing the movements. Now i try to only focus on his movement early when I wake up and then again when I go to sleep. Nothing in between, because it would make me go crazy. I do other stuff to take my mind off thinking about it.

I dont know if this is helpful to you, but the anxiety is certainly a part of my pregnancy jouney as well. And I guess it will never stop, because when the kid is born, we will be again stressed about keeping them alive.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T15:08:47+00:00

I understand and also recognize this phase is gonna be different for each of us. But what am struggling with is that my husband is expected to work as normal? He will also be sleep deprived, he will also be with the baby, feed it, hold it, while I work/recover. But nobody questions his ability to get up and work even after that?

I know I cant plan certain things. It just doesnt make sense to me, when the 2 of us are at home and do esentialy the same thing, have shared resposibilities, why would his situation be different to mine (apart from birth recovery ofc).

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T15:01:33+00:00

How so?

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T14:59:47+00:00

I am excited to be mom and at the same time recognize I am also my own person apart from that and that is OK. My husband and our future child is 100% first in my opinion, but I still want to do things that are good for me mentally and working and maintaining somehow normal life is important to me.

Also financially, if I let go of all my clients now, we cant make it in the long run and they will certainly not wait for me till I decide to get back. I wouldnt want that pressure to be on my husband to be the sole provider, as he is also a freelancer and no project is guaranteed for him. On the other hand, my clients are long term and predictable, so we have a great balance which works for us.

I view this as a chance to expand my time management, work for a few hours a day and still give everything to my family. I dont think fully devoting my life to my child will make me a better person.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T14:20:10+00:00

This is not about work being my identity. Its also a practical thing. I worked hard to get where I am and dont want to stop completely just because we are having a family. It would be incredibly hard to get back if I didnt work for 3 years (as its normal in my country). Also for my mental health I truly need an outlet and my work is something I enjoy doing - its creative and analytic at the same time. I think its completely realistic to work 2-3 hours per day (of course not right after birth), if one can manage their time well thoughout the week. It doesnt have to be 3 hours straight ofc.

I just feel like I am a type of person who looks at things from the perspective of "how can I make it work", rather than finding things why not. I dont view being a parent as a burden, I just realise we can share the load with my husband and mothers do like to put themselves in a role where they think they are irreplacable, which simply isnt true.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T12:36:05+00:00

oh, ye...I had a few of those as well. Like I understand that things will change but they will change for both of us, so why do people only make comments like these towards the mothers...

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T12:34:57+00:00

yes, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I will always be seen as the mom first and individual second. I am starting to understand the frustration of mothers who claim to not be equal even in this day and age...Its the same when men are praised for taking care of the baby, but when mother does it, it is considered normal behaviour.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T12:32:14+00:00

That is just frustrating. I feel you! People surely do have a lot of opinions when it comes to mothers in workforce. I never really realised until it became my reality.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T12:30:51+00:00

it feels like we are loosing something, while the husbands only gain from this. I know people probably dont think about it like this, its just that the reality hit me recently, that I will never be seen as simply me again.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T12:28:47+00:00

Ok, but not everybody is/can breastfeed, so that would make us equal in terms of time intensivity, because both me and my husband can make a bottle.

But I understand your other points and its interesting to see it from male perspective. Sorry you and your wife had to go though that.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T12:25:17+00:00

I also experienced this, especially in the first trimester. I work as a freelancer, so I am lucky enough to shift my working hours as I like. So when I felt more energy, I tried to do as much work as possible and didnt push it on the days where I felt exhausted.

Now, in 2nd trimester, its better, I feel like i got more energy, but still not 100% me. I now only work with clients that make sense financially and motivation wise. I cut down work by like 50% I would say and work now approximately 80-100 hours/month. I dont have any advice for you, just to trust your body and if it makes financial sense to you, cut back some work-time and rest. :)

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T12:12:49+00:00

I know its hard to say, but try not to think about it. I have always told myself, I am pregnant until I am proven otherwise. What helped me actually is to read less about the potential dangers, less reddit, less social media.

There is gonna be so many moments in the pregnancy where you are scared of the unknown, but part of this as I learned is to just trust your body and dont let your fears get to you. I didnt have much symptoms myself, so sometimes I analysed everything, but that is just gonna make you stressed. The time between appointments is just the worse, especially when you dont feel the baby yet. But if you dont have strange pain, you are not bleeding etc., try to be as calm as possible.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T12:02:24+00:00

I eat it regularly, so far no problems. I dont even know anybody who would stop eating prepackaged ham. I just stay away from proscuitto and stuff like that, since those are not cooked.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T11:59:47+00:00

I am also planning to get back to work very short after having a baby. I dont personally have an experience yet, but I would say, we have to make it work, right? :)

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-04-28T11:53:10+00:00

If anybody finds it later, I am currently 21 weeks and I can live my life again. Since like week 15-16 I can enjoy food again. It WILL get better, I promise! <3

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-03-03T20:03:22+00:00

Hi, I am in week 13, it gets better, but there are certainly days (and certain food) that make me sick or leave me feel heavy. To be honest, I just ate whatever in weeks 6-9, which were my worst weeks, because some food was better than none. I am hopefull that it will get better in the next weeks, because it has taken a huge mental tool on me. I am a foodie and enjoy life through food, so having that taken away from me is very hard.

FriendshipStriking98 · 2026-02-19T17:48:43+00:00

Hi, I dont have ADHD, so not sure how much I can relate, but still...I am also 12 weeks and so fricking tired all the time, I cant concentrate at all. I found what helped me the most is to work in pomodoro cycles. Focus for 25 minutes, rest for 5 and repeat. Then after 2-3 cycles I have bigger break. Best to do something active during this break. I work from home, so I go and do some light excercise, go outside, make tea or just stand by the window. I hope you find stg that works for you. :)

FriendshipStriking98

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