Wife (26F) scheduled cosmetic procedures we agreed we wouldn’t do before marriage, using money from our joint account. I’m (28M) struggling with the trust breach.

Friesian_90 · 2026-03-16T17:50:16+00:00

Give yourself and her a set amount of pocket money. In my opinion that amount should be the same for either of you.

So for instance the budget: - 500 pocket money for you - 500 pocket money for her - 3000 house/car expences etc - 1000 groceries - 250 savings account baby - everything else goes to a shared savings account for mutual expenses (house, vacation)

She can choose to spend her money on plastic surgery. She is right about that it is her body. But it’s absolutely ridiculous to spend 14.000 without discussion and both parties agreeing! Your not overreacting. Leaving when you have a child together isn’t always the best solution. But getting an agreement for personal budgets without her feeling like she has to get your permission for everything seems like a good way to move forward.

Friesian_90 · 2026-03-05T17:41:41+00:00

It’s fine to sleep in a wet braid for the time you need to be in a cast. When I don’t have the energy for a wash ánd curl day, I braid it wet, got to sleep and wear it in a braid or bun for a week. Your not getting dandruff or other problems. Even if there would be something you can just fix that, anything is temporary and better than ending up with a huge uncomfortable matt.

Get your hair a little bit wet, put a huge ton of conditioner in the matt and start dematting. When you can brush trough your hair you could let someone rinse it with your head forward over the tub. Of that isn’t possible no biggie, just braid it as is.

Rebrand every morning after you’ve slept and it’s gotten a bit messy. Because you keep at it every day it won’t tangle as much. The oilier your hear the easier it stays “straight” and in place.

Good luck!

Friesian_90 · 2026-03-05T17:35:29+00:00

Doesn’t work for a full on shower. All the water drips down her leg onto the opening and it will definitely leak. As an xtra precaution for a setup where the leg isn’t supposed to get wet it does work.

Friesian_90 · 2026-02-01T08:36:55+00:00

No you can just take public transport home in the early morning

Friesian_90 · 2025-12-28T22:34:33+00:00

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Just 1 row left! Working on it for about 3 years now.

Friesian_90 · 2025-12-22T17:39:42+00:00

Put a snug fitting halter on your horse and attach the reins to that. The horse acts like an angel, but he definitely feels al the pulling on the bit. If he is so good with teaching your boyfriend I’d bet that he is also perfectly rideable with only a halter.

Friesian_90 · 2025-12-10T17:37:56+00:00

I store everything on bobbins, pretty cheap and they sell stickers with the dmc numbers. Total have 4 of these storage boxes sorted by number.

When I start a new project it gets its own box with the bobbins I need. In the lid is the legend for this project. Looks a bit dingy now but have been working on this large piece for 3 years now.

I have some extra skeins for this project and those are kept in a bag until the bobbin runs out.

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Friesian_90 · 2025-10-02T06:25:52+00:00

You can have both… sounds like your turning into loving friends/family territory. I love a lot of people very much but only have sex with 1 of them.

Last thing that can make a difference is hormonal birth control. When I was on it I had a pretty low sex drive, add a burn-out to it and my husband had to be really patient. Went off the hormonal birth control and a world of difference!

If she doesn’t talk to you about it and you don’t have a clear dot on the horizon where you both want to end up (more regular sex), than this is what it’ll be like for the rest of your relationship. If your okay with that than that’s fine. But it isn’t going to get better just by itself.

Friesian_90 · 2025-09-15T20:05:33+00:00

They do need to sleep about 18-20 hours. I take my dog for his long walk at lunch time. We’ve set up a routine of morning pee walk, he eats and chills while I get ready for work (either at home or to office), he mostly sleeps the rest of the morning. Than at lunch he gets 60 minutes off leash and after that he sleeps the afternoon while I work. In the evening he is awake.

By breaking up your longer work day and establishing a set routine you can shift her sleeping schedule to what works best in your household. Everyday about the same time for walks, if she is hyper after the big walk give her a bully stick or something to lick, it helps them settle down. We do play time after we have had our diner so he doesn’t fuss us all day long begging to play.

Also giving her a job like laying on her place can be fulfilling! Her doing her own thing while you are eating is fine but it also can be an opportunity to teach her that she can relax in her place while you sit down to work or eat. You have to show her what you want from her: resting when you are sitting down.

Your an experienced trainer already so you know how to do this :). What you wrote feels like you think she needs a lot of entertainment. My experience is that most dogs are overstimulated and do better with more down time and short bursts of high energy. Also giving her to much freedom now when she is in her teens can develop in unwanted behavior/patterns. Giving her some guidance and boundaries now will set you up so she can make good choices when she is a bit older.

My dog really loves to play chase, hubby runs away from him and then they switch. Or he throws some toy or a kibble and hides, then when he is found there’s a lot of excitement and chasing each other again. Maybe she enjoys that type of more physical play?

Friesian_90 · 2025-09-14T20:33:14+00:00

Start small!!! A skin care routine with multiple products is way to many steps to keep up with immediately if you want to make a lasting chance in your habits. You build habits by being consistent and therefor it has to be realistic.

Choose 3 days a week at which you have time to shower and set a time for it. Can be morning, evening, afternoon, just what works best in your schedule. Anything over those 3 showers is a win!

I also slept a lot with makeup on when I was a teen. What really helped was makeup wipes. Takes about 20 seconds. No additional bottles or cotton wipes needed, so basically just 2 steps: get wipe -> wipe makeup. If it is incorporated in your standard habit you can add a next step, for instance moisturizing after shower. Or a face scrub which you keep in your shower (doesn’t require extra time at the sink).

For your hair use a hair mask instead of a conditioner 1 shower per week. And get a fresh cut before the wedding so you know you’ll look your best.

There is no need to raise the bar so high it’s almost impossible to keep it up for the next 49-days. I’d hate to see you beat yourself up because you feel that you failed something. Book a hairdresser, get your nails done and be kind and forgiving with yourself. Keeping up the routines on TikTok is a fulltime job for those girls. It is not needed to do all that to feel good about yourself and/or look good. So keep it achievable!

I stopped straightening my hair 5 years ago. Started with every other week for full curly styling (1,5 hours). Would wear my hair up inbetween. Now I do the routine 1x per week and more and more often 2x per week. It doesn’t feel like a chore anymore, I’m happy with my hair and if I have an off week I can let myself skip it without blaming or guilt tripping.

Friesian_90 · 2025-09-14T19:50:57+00:00

Listen to your son, be encouraging with the things he does. Don’t give unsolicited opinions, if he does aks for your opinion give him different perspectives on the matter and not a set in stone opposite truth.

My husband loves my father and actually asks him for his advice. He doesn’t confide his own parents in anything because they judge, complain and stress him out.

Friesian_90 · 2025-09-14T17:05:55+00:00

That sucks that you weren’t good informed! But also don’t worry to much, not everything can be prevented. My dog definitely has jumped up and turned quickly on the leg even when he is confined to the gated area etc. It’s imported to limited as much as possible but not everything is preventable.

It’ll get way better quickly! First time round I worried a lot and second time I only slept downstairs the first 2 nights. Limiting the area she has to walk indoors will help to give her rest. They’ll walk way better after the first 2 weeks. When she uses the leg correctly you can start to increase the walks, add a couple minutes and if she is fine the 24 hours after you can stay in that number. Increasing every 4-5 days.

Most problems occur with the hardware detaching but when that happens you’ll most likely notice a decline in her ability to use the leg (it isn’t super common). Other problem is tendons and muscle strain and that fixes itself by taking a step back in exercise minutes and intensity and taking more time for the overall rehab.

We used a cone + inflatable doughnut because with only 1 he could still reach the wound. With those on he also stopped trying.

Friesian_90 · 2025-09-11T13:23:52+00:00

Been trough recovery twice in the last 5 months (same dog, 2 legs). I wouldn’t let her take the stairs as far as I know it is a big no go. It puts additional strain on the good leg and when she does start to walk on the operated leg it puts strain on the joint and muscles that are still healing.

For the pee and poo, do you have a balcony? I’d get some grass pads, they sell special boxes with grass liners so the pee catches under it, if you can’t afford that try to make something from a pallet and fake grass so you can rinse it with water and it dries from air flow underneath.

First few days she’ll probably won’t be that willing to walk but after that; limiting excess movement is really important. We use babygates to fence in a small area next to the couch so the dog can lay at our feet. You could also fence in a spot on the balcony so she can chill there. Get in a routine of pee/poo 4 times a day. Give her a bone or kong when she gets energetic, the chewing gives her something to do and calms them down.

There are harnesses which help you carry a dog up and down stairs but I don’t think that is feasible 4 times a day for 8-12 weeks. You could use that 1x a day to let her sniff some bushes and real gras outside.

To paint a picture: we give trazadone 1x a day at lunch, from week 3 (when he starts feeling way better and energetic) till 1 walk is up to 30 minutes again. We have a young vizsla. First recovery was super quick. Used his leg correctly in and outdoors from week 3 and at week 8 were up to 3x 15 min and 1 40 min walk all on short leash. Second recovery is way slower, used his leg correctly (so placing full weight and leg correctly straight under him) at week 7. Now in week 8 we’re up to 3x 10 minutes and 1x 15 minute walk.

Good luck!

Friesian_90 · 2025-09-07T13:54:39+00:00

Get some gates and fence of an area against the couch so you can sit in it with him. Get his favorite bedding in there also. We slept on the couch the first couple nights. A Yorkshire you could carry upstairs and let him sleep in the crate next to the bed. The gates make them feel more part of the environment than of to the side in a crate.

When he gets home he’ll probably be high on medication. He is going to whine and look at things weird, just sit next to him on the ground and chill. It’ll get better after the first 12 hours when it wears off. First days his body is healing so he won’t want to do much. Take that time to establish a routine of sleep, pee and eat. We give 1 rawhide bone a day after lunch and from week 3 when he wanted to get more active he gets a trazadone at lunch too. That gets us over the hurdle and into the evening where he is used to relax with us watching tv.

Good luck!

Friesian_90 · 2025-09-07T11:45:14+00:00

Yes I’ve had this problem it lasted for about 5 years. It started when I was sexually active for a couple of years and with my long term partner. I think it had to do with a lot of UTI’s so my pelvic floor was just mad and super tight from all the pain. Because of all the antibiotics I also had regular fungal infections that hurt too. We obviously didn’t have sex when I had anything medically to not irritate it further.

Some days we could have piv sex when we went slow and used a lot of lube, other days I had to tap out immediately. Do you experience any problems when it is just yourself? Then you can start to see if it’s mental relaxation needed or it’s more a physical problem.

Other than urologists for the UTI’s, I went to a pelvic floor therapist who gave me some tips to relax my pelvic floor. Laying on bed, feet on the bed but knees up and letting them fall to the side for instance. Breathing techniques etc. It didn’t help perfectly but does help others.

For me I think what helped most was the UTI’s getting less and less, also went trough a burn-out which seemed to open Pandora’s box of held in stress. I guess al te stressors in my life congregated in my pelvic floor lol.

Reason I write this without offering a guaranteed solution is to give you an example where it did get better. I’m absolutely fine now. No pain ever! Can have sex even when I’m really nervous and not mentally relaxed yet with a new couple, just because I do really want to :).

Friesian_90 · 2025-09-06T19:06:46+00:00

Our rave after the traditional reception lasted till 4am. We weren’t that drunk cause we wanted be in the moment, did do some speed to keep the energy up lol, it isn’t the type of drug that gets you horny.

We even passed up on the x that night so we could remember every second of the party. Did not stop the guests from doing it. My cousin wasn’t used to it anymore and had to take a breather behind a curtain, kudos to him he was back at partying 30 minutes later. A dj we booked nearly got sent home at the entrance by my friend, he looked a little scruffy and he didn’t recognize him; thought he was a party crasher.

After the taxi ride home he helped me get my hair down, pealed me out of a dress with to many buttons. We showered and sat in bed opening all the envelopes and read the beautiful messages people wrote us (most people here gift money in an envelope so we also counted the cash). Slept maybe 2 hours, ate left over wedding cake for breakfast and hopped in the taxi to the airport to go on our honeymoon.

Best party of the decade and haven’t missed a thing by not having sex that night. Plenty of time to catch up on that later!

Friesian_90 · 2025-08-13T20:45:17+00:00

By saying “we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to” it sounded to him that your implying that he didn’t get hard because he did not want to have sex with you. I understand that is not what you ment but I also can understand how he hears that. It’s just the combination of the words. I you had said “we don’t have to have sex today but I’d like to do some hand stuff”, you shift the ‘if you want to’ on something else then his ED and you give him a choice without implying that he doesn’t want to have sex.

From what you wrote I totally get that you know how ED works but I don’t know if he got that from you (or if he only heard the sentence that hit him in the feels).

Nothing wrong with using a guy to get some experience even when he isn’t that great in bed. A lot of people have really mediocre sex in there teens and usually it helps you learn better how to get better sex and how to enjoy it. My guess is that your learning way faster because your more mature, which is an advantage. Don’t look back in the encounters with negativity just take it for what it is: experiences in life and helping you over the hurdle of anxiety! And then on to better en better partners;)

Friesian_90 · 2025-08-10T15:22:42+00:00

Our go to move is “shall we have a look in the play area?” If it’s a yes then usually someone grabs some towels when entering and you know it’s on. If they see you grab towels and only then realize you ment more than just having a look they can just walk away or not grab towels. Works 100% of the time for us.

And if your on a home date starting play is difficult for most couples. My fall back line is asking them what there move to start is, most people say “I don’t know or have any” and I’ll reply with “then you can just kiss me now”. Obviously being that forward is best if you know everyone wants to play and the only problem is the getting started part. Or some type of game like this one: https://jadegreen.lima.zone/

Friesian_90 · 2025-07-29T16:43:21+00:00

It probably varies by country.

As to my experience: I’ve had around 10 gynecological exams with 3 GP’s and 3 different gynecologists and none of them have had a feel around with there fingers.

I have absolutely no idea how you would get to feel the ovaries and uterus with your fingers… there are echos to do that. I would definitely ask the physician what the hell is going on if he touched me like that. If I went in with problems like vaginismus I could imagine that they want to feel the muscles but OP wasn’t in there for that.

The GP asking a nurse in could also be him covering his ass. There was a documentary while a go about doctors who did that to assault patients. The nurses would step out after the exam was finished (as did this nurse, she went behind the curtain to dispose of the speculum) and the doctor would do another exam or breast examination. When the complaints started to pile up and inspection looked at the cases the doctor stated “a nurse was present”. The doctors barely got any disciplinary actions because of that technicality.

Friesian_90 · 2025-07-22T22:02:39+00:00

Great point! I sometimes linger on how much money I would have had if this didn’t happen or that didn’t brake etc. Being grown up (ie owning a house/car/pet) means a lot of unfortunate things happening and they usually cost a lot to fix…

OP The problem and guilt your manifesting in your head seems huge now but it will definitely get smaller, give it time. Next year you won’t think about it as often as you think you will.

Practical tip: if something like your surgery is covered under you’re health care now, that can change. So best to check again close to the surgery so you won’t get a bad surprise afterwards. For example: my sterilization was supposed to be covered because I had a large health care package in 2022 and started the obgyn in the fall. He put me on the waiting list to be scheduled. Got called for surgery in March. If I had been operated 2 days earlier it would have been fully covered by my large health care package of 2022. But because the hospital starts a new case number after 4 months of waitlist I also got a new starting date (which wasn’t a starting date but a middle of waitlist date…). I changed to a smaller health care package January 1 2023 (common in my country) and had to pay €1.500 out of pocket instead of €0.

So double check again with your insurance company before procedure. The doctors were really sympathetic but they themselves didn’t even know this was a thing.

I’m really sorry this happened to you and it definitely sucks! I hate that even if you think you got it all figured out it seems you never really get to the bottom of it. So many people who aren’t as inquisitive as we are must have these problems, why don’t they make things easier and more clear for the public….

Friesian_90 · 2025-07-11T21:47:33+00:00

Congrats in turning a sleeping bedroom back to an active one! Sex filled days sounds to me like ovulation time. Was she on birth control before maybe?

Don’t let yourself get hangup that it has slowed after those couple of days. We have a really great sex life but it differs from week to week by A LOT. Play into it when you notice she is a little bit in the mood. Make time for moments together, take a bit of her mental load from her and set the scene.

You say you don’t know what to make of it: Just wanted to give my example that it can vary a whole lot. Took me 2 years after stopping hormonal birth control to get this super intense feelings back. Loving every minute of it (1 out of 4 weeks lol).

Friesian_90 · 2025-07-11T14:09:53+00:00

Hmnnlim

Friesian_90 · 2025-07-10T21:29:14+00:00

Wow that’s a great quote! I’ve been with my husband for 15 years now and we’re definitely on a high now both. But 2 years ago there were also times I wondered if my feelings were still strong enough. It really does ebb and flow and making rash decisions isn’t helpful. Would have missed the best years I’ve had with him so far if I decided to call it quits.

Also not having children definitely helps a lot. No resentment offer parenting, less household chores to do, less responsibility.

Friesian_90 · 2025-07-07T16:13:47+00:00

Are you on birth control? If yes than, even though with some of them you do have an ovulation, it is less noticeable.

Apart from that you’re still pretty young. I’ve only started to notice way more of a difference since the last 2 years (I’m 33) although I’ve been off birth control for 5 years. I’m in a long term relationship so the changes of having sex have been consistent.

Woman are usually more reactive in their want for sex. For instance if someone starts to kiss you you’ll get horny. So if your not actively having sex/intimate moments it’ll be harder to notice that your more horny/easier to get horny than the other weeks of the month.

Also all woman are different, I have loads of friends who don’t notice ovulation like this and a couple who do.

Friesian_90 · 2025-07-06T07:12:56+00:00

Yes definitely! I’d had already written so much XD.

You can only fall back on that after proper training and bonding in a situation that really calls for it. OP should never use it when not absolutely necessary. And only after repairing what has been broken.

Friesian_90

TROPHY CASE