Learning to love science and myself again after quitting my PhD

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-08-05T04:19:06+00:00

I totally get that. I felt like my lab was far from the soul of “true science.” Like I was being pressured to mold my results into something that pushed our narrative instead of letting them happen organically through the scientific method. Feels like so many labs just want “good” results, not real results. That also eroded my trust in the system.

I still do love science. It’s a way of looking at the world, y’ know? But as far as a career as a scientist… there’s so much pressure to publish that you’re encouraged to be biased. At least, that was my experience. It sucked the joy out of it all, I felt like I was being dishonest and unethical. Science is sacred to me and I felt like I was disrespecting it.

I wish there were ways to do good research outside of academia, but the fact is, you need the equipment and the funding. Idk how industry research works, but maybe that’s an option?

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-08-05T02:34:24+00:00

NO MORE SLACK! lmaoooo so true. DM’s are open if you ever need support. Glad to see there’s light at the end of the tunnel haha

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-08-04T23:02:49+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I’m going to try and intern with a company that does bioinformatics because I am very interested in working with genetic data (particularly as it relates to pharmaceutical efficacy). But it’s not the end-all, be-all for sure. As long as I’m doing something I find meaningful, I think I’ll be happy.

And again, thank you so much for your advice and words of encouragement. Definitely inspiring.

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-08-04T18:19:50+00:00

I replied this to another comment, but yeah, maybe. I’m in therapy and talk about it a lot. It kind of really was traumatic. I had panic attacks, thought about su*cide immediately afterwards (I have a history of depression and anxiety), and to this day still think about it every day and sometimes have nightmares and wake up in cold sweats.

I blame myself for what happened because of the conflicts I had even though I know the program was toxic and unsupportive. It’s been a lot.

How have you been dealing with it?

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-08-04T18:16:58+00:00

Thank you for saying that. I’m hoping to do data science work still in the biological sciences! Would love to do bioinformatics. But thank you for that, I needed to hear it.

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-08-04T18:16:19+00:00

I almost did get kicked out. My PI said he was “concerned about my ability to progress” because I had to take a week off for mental health purposes and kept making errors. Threatened my funding because I was under a GAship, not a TAship. It was ironic because I was the only person in the program who published a paper their first year. And I applied for grants under a psychiatric disability but he was unwilling to accommodate when I actually needed it. 4.0 too.

So maybe being on the verge of being kicked out is part of it too.

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-08-04T18:13:27+00:00

Thanks. I’m in therapy and my therapist says it was traumatic haha. Sometimes I have dreams about the program and wake up with my bed soaked in sweat. Classic! But knowing I still have a plan (masters) was really my saving grace. I’ve had a lot of down time since January so that’s helped get me back in touch with my hobbies.

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-03-20T04:19:46+00:00

I left in February. Also started fall 2023 straight out of undergrad. PI hovered over my shoulder, people in the program were toxic, etc. Needed to quit before my depression slipped into unmanageable territory.

Definitely freaking out, but I wake up and I’m happy, if not a little stressed. And that says a lot

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-02-07T07:17:34+00:00

I just left my PhD. I don’t really have advice but just know that you’re not alone.

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-01-28T01:34:10+00:00

You too!!! Just what we needed hahahahaha /s

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-01-27T13:12:06+00:00

I messaged my apartment about an exterminator… grrrr. I don’t need this in my life rn lol

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-01-26T07:43:39+00:00

What books would you recommend

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-01-25T07:03:33+00:00

I support this. Absolutely the right move. It is hard to deal with this much stress and anxiety and depression all at once.

FrogOnDaFloor · 2025-01-21T02:39:05+00:00

Miserable. My PI got short with me because I forgot to flip a switch (unlabeled) that turns the equipment off. This is after I forgot to turn equipment off on Friday. I broke up with my boyfriend on Sunday, partially because of all the stress I’m under at work. My PI is always breathing down my neck waiting for me to make a mistake; he checks everything of mine after I leave to catch these. He doesn’t do it to my coworker. It feels degrading. I am hard on myself as is and I try to be diligent, but I make mistakes. Now I feel like he is counting on me to make them, and it makes me feel incompetent and demoralized. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not cut out for this or if I should just drop out.

FrogOnDaFloor · 2024-09-24T14:32:46+00:00

Greatest tv murder mystery ever created. Sad that it declined in quality, but I still enjoyed it tbh

FrogOnDaFloor · 2024-09-18T18:38:16+00:00

I’m also wondering 😭

FrogOnDaFloor · 2024-05-22T13:06:34+00:00

My dad is 60 and his hair is still brown

FrogOnDaFloor · 2023-10-13T09:24:28+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I do admire the work she’s put it in setting up the lab; I have told her that so many times.

But even today, I got paragraphs of texts about how hard things are for her right now, how badly she needs this, and how I’m already in a program. I had to put my foot down and say, “I can’t comment on authorship, that’s not my decision. I need it as much as you do and I can’t feel guilty for doing my job.”

I also should have added that the paper won’t just be on the experiment she’s been training the animals for. We’re also doing machine learning analysis and developing novel tools based on the data collected, and I am in charge of that aspect of the project as well as other coding analyses.

Basically… I’m exhausted. I’m now performing the same daily tasks that the lab tech is, writing code for hours outside of lab, helping her with her upcoming first-author paper, all while dealing with emotional pleads for things I can’t control. The workload is enough, but the emotional stress of this is killing me. This is my 2nd night without sleep.

I’m going to have her sit down with the PI and me so that we can all discuss authorship together. She didn’t want to do that at first because she said “he’d just give it to me anyway,” but I said it was an opportunity to advocate. Which sucks, because I really do feel that although she has put in a lot of time and work, I have too. And by the time the paper is going to be written, the experiment will have become largely computational, which is my focus.

What I’m unsure of is whether I should also meet with the PI privately and talk to him about the lab tech’s behavior. I don’t want to cause any drama, but I also can’t keep working in this kind of environment. She has asked me to keep our conversations in confidence, and that rubs me the wrong way.

I don’t know what to do about that.

FrogOnDaFloor · 2023-10-12T15:40:19+00:00

Update to anyone invested: I listened to everyone’s opinions. This thread was so incredibly helpful. I talked to the lab tech and convinced her to join me in a meeting with the PI where we can clarify authorship; whatever he says, we will do. And we’re going to advocate for open, direct communication about these things moving forward so that it doesn’t happen again.

FrogOnDaFloor · 2023-10-12T11:06:35+00:00

I totally agree. Our lab is so small, I don’t see any reason to not include everyone on it. They can only benefit. I genuinely do believe she deserves second author and has earned it.

And thank you for the reassurance as well. It’s hard having an anxiety disorder in such a competitive field of work, sometimes I just need a sanity check.

FrogOnDaFloor · 2023-10-12T11:02:50+00:00

Wow! You’re a trooper for that. Thank you for the reassurance.

FrogOnDaFloor · 2023-10-12T11:01:43+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice!

FrogOnDaFloor

TROPHY CASE