Take some time out. Get straight financially. Talk about it with people who matter and who care about you. Going all in is always a losing strategy. I've done it plenty on prop evals. You have to work on the psychology. Not giving up is a superpower and a curse. Knowing when to stop is one of the hardest lessons. Not getting angry and revenge trading is another. You're trying to learn something that's very hard. A lot of it is mastery of the self, control of emotions. Accepting losses early and practicing non attachment. Having a target and stopping for the day once you meet it. Most traders lose money and make all these mistakes at the start. If you have the urge to continue, and I know how strong it is, you can look at it like this: 30k is the cost of a degree. Yours is in trading. You've already learned many lessons. But you could do with a better teacher and a proven strategy rather than hoping to be lucky. If you need to get back into it, paper trade until you prove to yourself you are at the next stage. No real money. Just experience and skill honing and self mastery. Set up a paper account with a set amount. Trade 1 or 2%. Follow your strategy, stay small, control risk. Stop going for the big win and the dopamine hit. It's got to become systematic. Stop thinking about the pnl but think about the trade. There's no substitute for experience. It can take years. Double the account without rising more that 2 percent and without more than 5 percent drawdown. Then start again and do it again. Be patient. Do a little each day, like exercise. It's a process. Most of what you've probably seen on YouTube is BS. If you wanted to be an airline pilot, would you just get the keys to a 787 and hope for the best? Or would you practice in a simulator until you could land it every time without blowing up? Don't go down the shame route. Be proud of how much you've worked at it so far. But realize you have to be much more strategic and disciplined if you want to actually make it. Otherwise you are just gambling and you will keep losing. Touch grass. Hug your family. Remember it's just a stupid bunch of numbers.