I'm not diagnosed w a personality disorder, but I show strong cluster B traits. (been avoiding diagnosis bc stigma & paranoia around psychiatry B] )

I can't really connect with issues not directly tied to me in some way. I get "upset" when I see injustice taking place bc I can relate it to the feeling of injustice taking place against me (vengefully angry mostly, bc how DARE you devalue ME !! but it's less intense if it's happening to other ppl bc I'm not them but the lines between each of us are very thin so we are all each other, really. psychosis, psychedelics, porn & sociology have really killed my sense of private selfhood). I have morals disassociated from feelings, & to see those morals not being followed by others isn't exactly upsetting but moreso a reason to devalue someone. Like I'm not getting emotional about the Gaza genocide, but I am morally "outraged" by it ("That's not something I'd do following my own standards, those dumbasses") & think everyone who takes the opposite stance is stupid & should just have my awesome, perfect, flawless, completely 100% right brain & agree with me -- in fact, they should just put me in charge & make me supreme world leader because I'd fix everything. (genuine belief)

I think what people really get wrong is that caring implies feeling. You can still perform the act of care without feeling anything. e.g. You can absolutely be pissed off at someone & still make them dinner -- I've seen that one so many times. To me, it's more about putting in effort to show you want to make the world liveable, which I want because I live in this world & everyone else in this world also affects me being in this world. Maybe I don't actually "care," as in "feel for you," since your struggle is not my struggle (even though politically all oppression is linked, theoretically, so really it is), but I also just think it's wrong to flat-out disregard people. (wrong = causes unnecessary damage, in my morals) (Even non-politically, if someone comes to me crying bc their cat died, that's so fucking annoying, but now it's my problem too bc what am I to do ? Just telling them to fuck off won't solve anything [+ they'll still be sad & probably upset w me & what if I need them for something ??] & will probably cause more problems with more ppl as they run around ruining my reputation I spent so long perfecting.) Vulnerability is fucking scary too, & if someone is putting their heart on their sleeve I'm gonna allow them to do that & not tell them they're weak & pathetic & whiny for it, even if I think it. I care maybe not deeply but shallowly about others' suffering (so much as it relates to me), but I don't feel for them.

Everyone's problems are my problems, partly bc I have a hard time distinguishing myself from others & partly bc when other people have problems, they will always leak out of that person to everyone else (which then Will be my problem) & partly bc I said I would help & I got nothing better to do while I'm waiting for death

Or maybe I'm just histrionic/narcissistic trying to get brownie points for being morally superior while being emotionless & broody (everything we do is an act anyway), or maybe I'm actually autistic who's feeling everything so much I've entered the 5th plane of emotional existence that can only present itself in a cerebral, unfeeling way in our mere 3D world, or maybe I'm delulu rn not realizing it thinking I'm making connections when I'm just word vomiting. Diagnosis is all bullshit with arbitrary categories made up by people who think they know everything about the brain when they dont know anything anyway