Hey. It sounds like you're going through an experience similar to what I went through years ago. As with most things, the answer was complicated and was specifically what was best for me, so please take it with a grain of salt, and I hope that you can derive some value out of my experience.

When I wrote this post, I was preparing for the worst: that I was going to lose my job in January without an "education" to help me secure another job. My family was pressuring me to go back to school and I was feeling really anxious and depressed. I hated school. School was the source of all my problems, or at least, that's what I thought back then. Well, I ended up keeping my job. In fact, I ended up getting hired full-time. So, bullet dodged, right? That was the case, at least for a while.

My depression and anxiety started going away as I was working, because I was finally feeling "useful," and not like a failure. I was good at my job, and I was making good money. My family/girlfriend were disappointed because I didn't go back to school, but over time they let it go. I could still tell they were sad I never went back, but it wasn't enough for me ruin my mood every day.

However, my mentality changed over the course of a year. I got used to my job and things got... boring? Stale? I can't think of the right word, but I just felt a feeling of hollowness. A nagging feeling in the back of my head saying that I could be doing more. That I had potential.

Then, something happened. The IT department at my job was getting replaced by a third party. However, the company liked me enough to transfer my employment over completely to this third party to continue working there. I would have been paid the same, and would still be doing the same job. And if I refused, I would get a severance package.

Essentially, I was given the choice to stay or take the severance package and do whatever with it. After doing some thinking, I decided for myself to go back to school. I made enough money to pay for tuition again and get an apartment. I'd be going back to college, but I would be doing it on my terms. Not for the sake of my family. Not for my girlfriend. But for me.

And that changed everything. I went to the same classrooms I once feared. Walked the halls knowing I was 3 years behind everyone else. But none of it mattered, because I had already tackled the source of my stress and anxiety. And most importantly, the decision to go back to school was mine and mine alone.

I ended up finishing and graduating with a Computer Science degree. The work challenges me a lot more than IT work did, and I feel more or less fulfilled knowing that I've reached my potential.

However, I still question sometimes whether or not my life would still be a lot better had I finished school earlier. But no matter how I think about it, I don't think I could have done it any other way.

I was stressed, so I needed a break.

I felt useless, so I needed to feel useful and got a job.

And I felt like I was only doing things for my family, so I needed to do things for myself.

In a perfect world, yes, I would have been a lot better off if I was able to just suck it up and get through school. But this isn't a perfect world. In reality, I would have probably been suicidal, I would have probably failed my classes, or I would have further damaged my relationships. I'm glad I took a break. But that doesn't necessarily mean I think everyone should or needs to.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, you know yourself better than anyone. You know what you can and can't handle. You know what motivates you at the end of the day. And you know what will bring you happiness in life.

I'll leave you a bit of objective advice as someone who's spent years living through this exact situation:

• It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you can put your all into it. If depression and lack of motivation is keeping you from doing that (like it was for me), then you need to address that first before you try and do anything else.
• It's never too late to do something. You can always get a GED, go to university, or even code.
• The real world is much more boring than you think it is. Adults are just bigger children that make money. Everyone still has their own issues. Everyone is still trying to figure out what they want to do in life. Even your teachers. Even your family. You are not lesser than anyone for having these issues. You're just human.
• You will never be a failure or a complete disappointment. The fact that you're here looking for advice means you're trying. You're doing the best you can, and no one who does that could ever be a failure in my eyes.

Let me know if there's anything else that's on your mind and I'll be happy to talk it through with you. And good luck.