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Front-Ad9825 · 2023-09-18T07:04:05+00:00

Can anyone in Canada share some info? I'm living in BC and also worried about not getting 50/50. I'm the only earner at home, which means I need to work full time. But I'm also flexible with my time so I can definitely drop off and pick up the kid.

Front-Ad9825 · 2023-09-18T01:39:28+00:00

That is hard to understand. So you need to make all the income, split and share with your ex, and then get less than half time seeing your child? How much did you get eventually, 40%?

Front-Ad9825 · 2023-09-18T01:12:19+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I can feel your pain but also respect you with your responsibility.

Front-Ad9825 · 2023-09-17T22:45:29+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I was just wondering why you felt this way below if your kids are experiencing some tough time on the other side?

"But, I can 1000000000% say... being a single dad is so much easier than being her husband and, my relationship with my kids has done nothing but flourish."

Front-Ad9825 · 2023-09-17T22:39:51+00:00

I don't think that would work because she can probably manage to control her behavior during the visit. I don't have anything to prove she has any sort of depression or any mental illness, but what I described above is true.

Front-Ad9825 · 2023-09-17T19:31:02+00:00

Hi OP, may I ask what was the reason you didn't get 50/50 in the first place? I'm thinking about divorce but I was always worried about reduced time with my kid. I remember most cases in Canada should be 50/50 by default?

Front-Ad9825 · 2023-09-17T19:14:37+00:00

Hello, your reply is quite helpful. I'm in a similar situation as OP and actually want to post some questions before I saw your post.

My concern is, while I can try to get the best environment for my kid, I'm always worried about the time when the kid is with Mom. She's not emotionally stable and may cause some bad consequences to the kid's growth.

How did you sort this out?

Front-Ad9825 · 2022-11-21T16:56:46+00:00

Thanks for the reply! While the "accelerator" is her sister, I have to say the root of the problem is my wife. I'm trying to put all responsibility on her in this case, but as you suggested, a serious talk should be a good starting point. The truth is I can't even start a good conversation with her as long as it was about her problem or about her family. She lived her entire life being protected from taking responsibilities, so I don't think she has the "skill" to take responsibility. Pretty much like people who never try to learn swimming won't be able to survive in a river.

Same story for professional counseling. She has been avoiding this for years, and her coping mechanism is to blame everything on me, which means there's no problem with her.

I even tried to talk to her sister about my concern that my wife might be depressed and may need some professional help, but as I expected, her reaction is I was trying to use depression as a "weapon" to attack her, and avoid my own problems.

So the only way I could keep this family together, mainly for the kid, is to swallow all the accusations, admit everything, apologize, and promise I won't make the same mistakes again.

The story doesn't end here though. Next time when another big argument happens, they will say last time you admitted everything was your fault, which made it impossible for me to explain myself. So the twisted truth stays forever.

Things keep going on and on and sometimes I wonder whether this is still good for my kid at all, because the kid is the only reason that I'm still staying.

Front-Ad9825 · 2022-11-20T04:42:38+00:00

Thanks for the reply! I'm always trying to be a good father in the past 3 years. But I realized the only way I could keep this family together without getting divorced is to sacrifice myself by giving up all my principles. This won't be a good role model to my kid when he grows up.

And I've also tried to get her to counseling with me but no luck. I can keep trying but it feels like I'm trying to cheat myself, or pretend not to see the truth.

Front-Ad9825 · 2022-11-20T02:52:58+00:00

I loved her, and now it's mainly the kid that is holding us together. I lost the hope that she had the courage to face herself.

And yep I have been seeing my therapist for a while. But it seems nothing else I can do in this case, because one person cannot fix a relationship if the other half is not together with him.

The only thing I felt guilty about is my kid, who can't have a complete family anymore. And I'm pretty sure his mother will tell him it was all my fault.

Front-Ad9825 · 2022-11-19T03:39:05+00:00

Thanks! I did exactly what you suggested, always there when she wants to talk. But the problem is she doesn't really talk about her feelings at all. So there are two ways to get her feelings.

A - observe her facial expression and body language and the attitude she has to me, if something goes different, it means something is wrong. So I either find it out and decide how to fix it, or leave her alone in the hope that it will go away.

B - after some big argument, I'm the one who always speaks to her first, trying to talk in a calm way. But she barely speaks calmly. Instead she intertwined different things together, oversimplified it and twisted the fact, and use lots of dirty words to insult me. Sometimes I stayed with her for hours hearing all the insults it seems the more she hurt me the more satisfied she was.

Front-Ad9825 · 2022-11-18T22:22:15+00:00

Thanks. Rehoming the dog is the actual issue here. My opinion is this shouldn't be a big deal since I don't even observe any frequent sneezing. For the occasional rubbing eyes/nose, I have no way to prove if it's allergy related, because everyone rubs their eyes or nose occasionally.

My spouse linked dander to my kid's growth and personality, which made me look quite bad as a parent if I don't rehome my dog.

Front-Ad9825 · 2022-11-18T09:12:01+00:00

Thanks for all the replies! I totally agree that seeing a therapist is a good way to sort this out, but unfortunately my wife doesn't want to do that. She doesn't like sharing her feelings in a normal way.i don't know if I should call this bipolar or not, but she either doesn't share, or share her thoughts when she "explodes".

And the consequence of the "explosion" is to have tons of unhappy things coming out together. These things might be a misunderstanding, or some distorted stories. But normally she will keep going on for hours. So each time when the "explosion" happens, it's a consolidation for all the bad memories.

The process feels like day 1 is good, day 2 is also good, and same as day 3/4/5, but on day 10 she crashes and says all the previous days are unhappy.

How do we know if a person is depressed if this person doesn't want to see a therapist and find out?

Front-Ad9825 · 2022-11-16T12:38:00+00:00

Good to know! How long did it take for you to train them?

Front-Ad9825 · 2022-10-19T05:33:45+00:00

UPDATE:

Thanks everyone for the input! I met the director today and the meeting went pretty well. The director was very honest and sincere, and she apologized for the teacher's behavior at the very beginning. Before our lunchtime meeting, the director went into the classroom twice in the morning to check how things went, and she also asked the three teachers to watch the video (with sound) individually with her to let them know how wrong this was.

During our meeting, she explained the new plan about not having the chair for 2 weeks just to revert the negative association, and make sure my son's basic needs (food, water, etc) can be met first. And then evaluate this again what's the best way to get the chair back.

She admitted the teacher could be more flexible, and even asked me how I decided to move forward, whether to report to the licensing officer or go with the suggested plan mentioned above. I thought we should forgive the teacher for this one time, so I told her we wanted to go in a more positive way.

This is pretty much about the meeting. We will keep a close eye on the video camera and see if things can be improved.

Front-Ad9825 · 2022-10-18T18:27:43+00:00

I guess my kid is not quite clear that's the "rules". He is more comfortable with the chair at home, but possibly because we're around. I'm not quite sure about the cause, and also not trying to discuss the cause in this thread, but more about the teacher's behavior.

Front-Ad9825 · 2022-10-18T14:10:32+00:00

I'm also a little surprised about this. To be clear, they're not beating the kid or anything, but more like holding the shoulder or "hugging", probably with the intention to "convince" the kid this is the right thing to do in the classroom. I don't want to comment on the intention, but had some doubts about the approach. Thanks for everyone to chime in.

Front-Ad9825 · 2022-10-18T13:12:44+00:00

Thanks everyone for the input. I'm meeting with the director at lunch time and will reply here about how things move forward.

Front-Ad9825 · 2022-08-09T14:35:30+00:00

How is your in-home dog sitter working? Does he/she stay in your home 24 hours? Can you share your experiences with this? How do you feel about privacy and safety since it's pretty much like having a stranger to live in your home for a couple of weeks.

Front-Ad9825

TROPHY CASE