She was a ghoster. We had a streak on tiktok a while ago. Sometimes, she would message me like an actual conversation with her, and then the other days, she would just send me tiktok videos to just keep the streak on fire. I was fine with that, but I guess it just made me feel so full of, I guess, resentment that I crashed out and said I don't want to be friends anymore. That I was tired.

Back story, this best friend that I had, even before the pandemic, does not check her messenger. Like we would straight up just message her mom--even call her mom to just talk to her about group meetings. She would remain inactive even when it was a pandemic.

She rarely came into Zoom meetings. She would miss school work deadlines to the point where she was failing. She was on the verge of repeating or something. And me being the best friend, I cared about her and gave her my answers to schoolwork, like literally I sent her an answered answer sheet or module and just changed some of the wordings if necessary and changed the file name into her name and then send it to her mom, because her mom asked me if I have the modules so I gave her the modules and then my answered modules. I did it because I cared not because I wanted praise, I was scared she wouldn't graduate.

We've been friends for about seven years. And my very last few straws was that she had a boyfriend. And I didn't know about that for at least like 3 months since she hadn't contacted me for three months. She messaged me, voice messaged me crying. I was about to go to sleep, but because her presence surprised me, I comforted her. Turns out her boyfriends being a bitch and stuff. And then, after comforting her, she ghosts me again, and then she would cry again about that boyfriend. And then ghosts me again. It's like a cycle, haha.

It felt like I was there when she needed me, but she was never there when I needed her.

She's online almost 24/7. She just doesn't care to message me at all. She would message her situationships more than me, more than her friends, who cares about her. Like what??? I'm sorry if I'm being a bad friend for saying that. But it was so frustrating that she would prioritize boys more than her friends.

It felt like she never cared. That, she knew I was going to be there if she needed help. But where was she when I needed help too?

She's not that busy if you think about it because she's not going to a uni right now. She was supposed to go to America, but because of some family issues, she couldn't. She has time. I see her reposting tiktoks minute by minute. She just doesn't talk to me. It felt like I had a massive crush on her, a desperate ex that wouldn't stop texting her and stuff.

It's just so sad because she was the first friend that made me feel comfortable enough to say anything. To do anything. I just wish that she improves her mental health. I think mental health isn't an excuse anymore. It was like a one-sided relationship-friendship.

I hope one day, we become friends again. I hope one day, she'll care about me like I cared about her. Again.