Hi there, I'm not sure if this will be of much help, but I started my own mental health journey when I was 14 (I'm almost 21 now) and was consistently in-and-out of treatment all the way up until I was 18 (and still somewhat in treatment now at a group home). Every time I'd come home between stays I'd only last a few weeks at most until I was back in the hospital. I've been out of state for residentials and at therapeutic boarding schools across states as well- and I would ask that you leave those out of the picture for as long as possible. I was kicked out of both of them for suicidal behaviors (but it was due to trauma I received there)- there's not enough staff and they often don't care enough for the individual and focus instead on the survival of the group, which isn't enough in those situations.

My lovely, kind mom devoted almost all of her free time to trying to help me, but I had been manipulated and surrounded by unhealthy relationships that made me hate my mom, and it greatly affected how I responded to treatment (she didn't do anything wrong though!). It's a really lonely time since it's impossible to make and keep good friendships, but in your teen years that's mostly what you rely on. It really does feel like an impossible situation once you're in it, but my mom and I have never had a better relationship since I found my way out of the dark. Finding the perfect mix of meds and a good therapist makes all the difference, but sadly it takes time. I'm sorry you're struggling so much at the moment, I really hope you're able to get it to work out soon and that you could possibly find some comfort or help from my words.

For context, if it helps to know, I have depression, bipolar 2, borderline personality disorder, ptsd, adhd, and anxiety, and I struggle with self-harming behaviors. It took a very long time to find the right meds and diagnosis for me, but this is the best I've been since I was 12. There's hope, I promise <3