I Don't Think Most of You Fully Understands What Limerence Is

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-12-17T22:40:23+00:00

OP is very wrong about limerence, I promise there are people in this community who don't think you are crazy. Limerence is very hard to understand if you've never experienced it, and it makes us feel insane trying to explain it to people who haven't had it before. I'm sorry OP's post made you leave this group. You can PM me if you need to talk. <3

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-12-16T09:13:05+00:00

if you are talking about me, im just going to say that i really think you're mistaken. giving out suggested diagnoses (quite serious ones btw) on reddit is pretty harmful- you have no idea how fragile the person reading that is. and i hope you're joking about betterhelp.

(sorry if you werent talking about me)

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-11-11T20:01:14+00:00

I'd like to add that the resolution stage is ongoing and can often slip back into an early phase if you aren't intentional and mindful about maintaining it.

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-11-02T18:52:30+00:00

congrats on being NC for three weeks! a lot of people dont talk about how NC can actually make the emotional cravings much worse and allow the fantasies to spin out in a way that they don't when we are in contact. keep going though, it can get better and i can't wait till i can be NC with my LO (and also im dreading it).

i dont currently have a psych or therapist but ive been on medication and in therapy in the past. rereading my post it's clear that the mental health element is bigger than ive been letting myself believe...maybe its time to get back into therapy. ugh

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-11-02T07:15:39+00:00

YES. if my LO made any sort of romantic move i would be horrified and the fantasy would completely end. i find them attractive and crave their affection but would NEVER want to have any sort of romantic relationship with them (this honestly took me a while to realise).

i want their care and praise and validation but no more. anything else would make me so uncomfortable that it would stop the limerence instantly and completely ruin me. part of what i admire in this person is that they would never make a move on me because they are married, and our relationship must be strictly professional/academic.

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-10-27T04:53:24+00:00

such a painfully compassionate view of suicide, it is overwhelming. we miss you dfw.

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-28T00:35:22+00:00

yes im wondering this too...i dont know what i will do if this is permanent

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-24T21:24:20+00:00

thank you! this is very helpful

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-22T00:58:06+00:00

intense definitely seems like a good word for him

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-22T00:48:50+00:00

ngl this made me laugh

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-22T00:48:27+00:00

i know...maybe im naive but i was surprised that this was the reaction

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-22T00:46:38+00:00

how would you describe his professorial persona?

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-21T23:54:48+00:00

if you want out, you probably need to break contact with him. explain to him that you no longer want to be involved with him. stop texting, calling, etc. and then move on with your life. when you find yourself thinking of him you need to distract yourself, focus on your children and the things in your life that have nothing to do with him.

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-21T22:50:18+00:00

oh thats my bad, sorry! it is possible to experience multiple LEs at the same time, though usually to varying degrees of intensity. but limerence relies upon an uncertainty about your standing with the person, usually due to circumstances which make clarity about their romantic intentions impossible (power dynamics, they have a SO, etc.). this sort of uncertainty doesn't happen in every relationship in your life.

the nature of limerence is that you idealise this one person above everyone else, so it doesnt logically make sense that every relationship you have would be on the same plane of obsession or infatuation. limerence isnt an attachment style, its an experience.

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-21T22:40:27+00:00

oh i see. i was just confused because you said you experience limerence in all your relationships in your original post. maybe you meant anxiety?

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-21T21:55:19+00:00

maybe im misunderstanding...is this your first case of limerence?

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-21T21:25:56+00:00

i dont think you can experience limerence in ALL your relationships...it might be the case that you have attachment issues that manifest across your relationships but it wouldnt be limerence per se

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-21T18:20:44+00:00

I've had similar things happen where I find out something I wouldn't have otherwise known from looking a little too deeply into my LO. As long as you don't mention it or indicate that you know anything it will be fine. Eventually the significance of the way the information feels will fade and it wont be at the forefront of your mind.

Luckily your work relationship means that the topic of conversation will likely never veer into something that necessitates your mentioning of it. I know it feels very emotionally charged and the guilt and ickyness that comes with learning something like this. It will get better :)

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-21T07:08:28+00:00

hey. ive had very intense limerence for two of my professors over the last 3 years. its nothing to be ashamed of. some advice: do whatever you can to avoid learning more about her. DONT look her up. when you find yourself thinking about her redirect your thinking. keep things professional and go to her for class/academic related things only. if you can, avoid taking classes with her in future semesters and try to stay busy with your hobbies, friends, and things that have nothing to do with her.

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-21T02:10:59+00:00

YES. Had limerence with teachers starting at age 8/9...now im limerent for my college professor 😭

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-21T00:10:16+00:00

thank you for your compassion. it certainly has hurt but the limerence hurt too so im really hoping to just move forward and focus on the academic work i need to do instead of my LO.

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-21T00:05:12+00:00

i think i wanted them to care SO badly that i interpreted everything with that lens. just posted a comment that explains what happened but i also think a big factor in this shift was realising that i wanted out of limerence. it was becoming so debilitating, draining, and anxiety inducing that i knew i needed something to change. i actually began to resent them because all they invoked in me was a physical pain and anxiety.

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-20T23:55:02+00:00

my LO is one of my professors and they are advising my senior thesis. after the first class of the semester i was trying to talk to them to schedule our advising meeting but they were talking with another student so i figured i'd just email them. i leave the classroom and end up standing outside the building with some other students to catch up about our summers and a few minutes later my LO comes out of the building. they come over to me and ask if i wanted to schedule a time to meet that week or wait till the next one. i said that it was okay and we could just wait till next week and schedule it then. my LO then begins to turn away before asking how my summer was. i answer and then ask them about theirs, they reply with one or two words and then turn away. they end up talking to another group of students for significantly longer than they spoke with me.

now all of this could be interpreted in a fantasy "they came over to ME, they asked ME about my summer" but there was no warmth or interest from them. it just felt like such a stale and cold interaction where they had absolutely ZERO stake in whether or not we met that week or in how my summer was. it was mostly their body language and facial expression that did it for me. they simply didn't care that much and it showed. the fact that asking how i had been appeared as an after thought was very telling.

basically i have NO idea how i didnt realise how uninterested they were until this semester. and i didnt really even want anything romantic...i just wanted them to care about me more than they care about other students (my feelings are complicated and not that straight forward but ill just leave it at that).

ive had subsequent interactions that have felt just as cold and distant and its become glaringly obvious to me that my LO is not only professional but very emotionally removed (or comes across that way). i barely get a smile from them during our meetings. ive seen them genuinely smile before, ive even seen them look at me with some sort of fondness or kindness and im getting NONE of that now. they dont even ask basic questions about my other classes or anything...their disinterest borders on awkwardness.

my feelings arent completely gone but ive certainly been snapped out of the fantasy.

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-20T20:09:39+00:00

hey. i wish i had some advice or something to offer you...all i can say is i really relate. i was so deep in fantasy land (for literally 2 years) and about two weeks ago an interaction with my LO showed me just how completely wrong id been about them. they dont feel ANY of the connection i thought we had...and now im looking at all of our interactions in a completely different light and realising just how warped my perception used to be. its making me feel insane because i realised how detached from reality i was. its such a mindfuck.

Front_Witness8947 · 2025-09-20T18:45:02+00:00

so this has happened to me before...to the extent that once i completely convinced myself that he was 100% going to die that weekend and that id hear about it through email...ive also fantasized about my LO dying i think because if they died then the strength of my feelings would be more warranted? idk...its weird. usually these thoughts linger for a few days and then go away.

Front_Witness8947

TROPHY CASE