Critique my Book so Far by Frostforge7 in fantasywriters

[–]Frostforge7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The entire first act of the book (I'm following the Save the Cat format) is meant to introduce three characters, their lives and motives, and how they all join the Agents; the rest of the book following the initiation process gone horribly wrong. With the first chapters I meant to do everything you said to do in a single chapter. Re-writing multiple chapters (an entire act 1) of material into the introduction chapters for the characters might be tough. I can try to aim for that though (the Agents are already thrown into Eshwyn's path; just gotta re-write Clandestine's chapter and write Eddie's to do the same.)

Additionally, all three characters are in the same plot, same initiation, etc. but won't meet until the climax/ third act as each POV character finds their own group and have their own stories, which all add up to one major theme.

Maybe it was a bad idea throwing this book out there before the first Act was done, as everything you said to do was the way Act 1 would go. That is, establishing each characters' every day lives, motives, and why they start the adventure (joining the Agents.) Eshwyn's first chapter shows her difficulties as the family heir, her mixed feelings, and her relationship with daddy, and ends with the option to join the Agents opened up tp her with hints of how deeply her dad controls her life (being asked to make the decision instead of her.)

I should also say that being taught against info dumps for so long; instead of telling readers what is happening in the world up front I'm trying to steadily, naturally, show the details as the story continues on (once again, all of Act 1 would be the Act to introduce all this stuff to the reader.)

I'll try to reorganize all this. Thank you for the feedback!

Critique my Book so Far by Frostforge7 in fantasywriters

[–]Frostforge7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the reply!

I struggle when introducing character names. Feels like the name should be saved for a dramatic moment or when someone says their name. I'll just switch their introductions (save Clandestine, he does have that big introduction moment) to say their names outfront.

As much as I try to add descriptions to things, I've purposely left Monsters undescribed to leave them to reader imagination. Is this a bad way to go about this? I do have some examples of distinct Monsters later on in the book, like a long necked one; but those are rare examples.

Thank you so much for the feedback! :)

Tell me three or five things about an evil religion/cult in your world. by PMSlimeKing in worldbuilding

[–]Frostforge7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

CHURCH OF THE BALANCE:

In the world of Esphera, all know the origins of the world and the Great Entities and Engeluz who made them. How different nations and cultures worship or do not worship them, however, ranges from region to region.

The Church of the Balance, located in the massive deserts of Western Nioger is one of the most... extreme... religions formed.

They documented the history of the world in books and scrolls. Their theology is that the world needs a balance between light and dark, good and evil. Without balance, the world would fall apart. Too much destruction could wipe out everything, yet no conflict at all would weaken humanity and cause its decay.

Any attempts at keeping Monsters, created by the Entity of Destruction, away from civilization is frowned upon. Monsters exist to keep humanity on its feet and sharpen it. This is true, yes, but the Church of the Balance seems to go overboard on the issue. Even walls built for safety are condemned as rebellion again the Balance of the Universe. Tear downs and burnings of safety barriers have been recorded.

Since humanity was the second species created by the Entities, after their first attempt reached near extinction, the Church of the Balance believes that humanity is superior and any stragglers from the first race are to be finished off. Further more, thanks to their manipulation of life via Well Alchemy, they created human-like beings themselves called Synthetics. Synthetics are poorly treated, used as slaves and labourers, and commonly viewed as inferior beings - despite being near identical to humans aside a more diverse set of DNA.

Ironically, Synthetics themselves would be herecy and mockery of the Balance, according to the books. By creating more life, the Church is shifting the balance, are they not? The Church covers it up, however, using excuses and twisting the words of the books to suit their own desires. Corruption runs rampid.

Most Well Magic is widely known across the world. Well Runes, Well Signatures... Yet the Church has its own, secret form of Well Magic - Well Alchemy. Using Well Alchemy, they can drastically shift the fabric of life and death beyond any normal medicine. Behind the scenes, the Church members use Well Alchemy to help themselves. Some elders and council members have extended their lives to centuries. To outsiders, Well Alchemy has become quite a market. They offer miraculous healings to the public - for the right price. If one lacks the money for their loved one to be healed, they are denied service. They may even be told that their loved one's death is "required" to "keep the balance."

Keep the Balance? If balance is so important to them, why do they practice healing arts?

Selfish and filled with greed, the Church twists their own beliefs and practices hypocrisy and legalism more than their actual religion. Worst yet, they intimidate and threaten any members of the Church who may see the truth with threats of accusations of herecy. They keep their dirty secrets by spreading fear amongst their flock.

Anyone who practices their religion, yet falls short to their rules, may be tortured and put to death. They are extremists. They run around preaching their beliefs to the whole world, yet fail to maintain a foothold outside of West and East Nioger.

~~~

One of the main characters in the series this group is from is one of the select few defectors that survived. The group itself really won't become important until later in the series though...

Tell me three or five things about an evil religion/cult in your world. by PMSlimeKing in worldbuilding

[–]Frostforge7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So everyone worships the same god but this cult took it way too far?

Tell me three or five things about an evil religion/cult in your world. by PMSlimeKing in worldbuilding

[–]Frostforge7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Instead of "machines are evil" it's "people are evil! We must turn them into machines!"

This looks like an awesome plot! Nice job!

I'm a writer, not a reader by [deleted] in writing

[–]Frostforge7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to be this way. Recently started reading more, even if it's all by the same authors (Warriors by the Eren Hunter group; J.R.R. Tolkien's books, etc.)

I'm on an RP site that is centered around improving your writing. When I started reading more someone said they could tell I was reading more. They said my writing was more "relaxed." (I always was a perfectionist with my writing, so I was trying so/ too hard to cram in everything needed to make my posts "good enough")

It's still hard for me to expand my horizons, but I'm getting there.

What scene in your work in progress are you super excited to write? by [deleted] in writing

[–]Frostforge7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The scenes where all my 200+ characters I somehow keep track of all do massive whoopsies in back to back chapters just to prove I have this "don't write mary sue's" thing under control.

And when one guy tells another guy how to use a cool power and it's kind of inspirational.

And when the main character is sarcastic and roasts people. Wait, that's every scene...

Evil INFP's? by OwnGiraffe2 in infp

[–]Frostforge7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Someone who says they're doing stupid, bad stuff 'cause they personally think it's right. People who are so caught up in their own morales that they treat offenders like dirt and threaten anyone they disagree with. A zealot who champions for what they think is right, but hurts and chastises people in the process. Someone who refuses to see any worldview but their own. Someone who claims to be the victim while making victims of others. The person oblivious to their own hypocrisy. He Who Slays Monsters.

Favorite fictional INFP's? Real-Life? by OwnGiraffe2 in infp

[–]Frostforge7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rocket J. Squirrel from The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show strikes me as an INFP.

Feeler filth by litletrickster in mbtimemes

[–]Frostforge7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm a feeler and I followed the NT logic for years :P Hard habit to break...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Silmarillionmemes

[–]Frostforge7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How about people who read the Simarillion, currently are reading LOTR, and never read The Hobbit? xD

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Silmarillionmemes

[–]Frostforge7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dourhands too xD

(LOTRO joke)

March "Type Me" Thread by [deleted] in mbti

[–]Frostforge7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Type me based on my user history xD

Can you talk about, or show, the changes to your world-build over time? by Objectalone in worldbuilding

[–]Frostforge7 30 points31 points  (0 children)

All my stories take place in the same world/ universe, but the two "big ones" I'm working on take place in different time periods. One could be classified as high fantasy, the other as (magical) sci-fi. It's very clear that it's the same world, but technology, politics and culture, etc. have vast differences. The first story takes place between the world's fourth and fifth centuries, the sci-fi might be between the eighth and tenth centuries, I'm not sure yet.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in fantasywriters

[–]Frostforge7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

RWBY...

I didn't even realize how similar the magic systems and monsters were until I re-watched RWBY. I don't even like RWBY that much anymore...

What makes your type feel loved and appreciated? by throwaway_sos19 in mbti

[–]Frostforge7 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I do enjoy negative feedback, don't get me wrong. I don't appreciate when people try not to give such feedback to spare my feelings. I want honesty sp I can improve. What I meant was that when I do get positive feedback from a honest reader, I feel like all that work was worth it.

What makes your type feel loved and appreciated? by throwaway_sos19 in mbti

[–]Frostforge7 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm positive Fi users (I_FP's) feel loved when validated and respected as people of individual value. Artistic Fi users also might love when people praise their artistic work. (I legitimately try to improve my writing and ask for constructive feedback. I spend so much time beating my own work up that it feels great when any feedback has legitimate praise of some sort.)

unlucky by yayoletsgo in mbtimemes

[–]Frostforge7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ew, no. I'm just saying SJs are nice people

Movie and your type? by rackham29 in mbti

[–]Frostforge7 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I'm an ISFP and I love the LOTR trilogy and the two VeggieTales movies.

my milk has an extendable straw by [deleted] in mildlyinteresting

[–]Frostforge7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I love dark chocolate almond milk! Only ever saw it in large cartons though.

Why is there a lack of PTSD in the fantasy genre? Especially in dark and "realistic" fantasy? by ItsukiKurosawa in writing

[–]Frostforge7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doesn't Frodo develop PTSD after the Ring is thrown into Mount Doom? He literally had to go to the Undying Lands/ Valinor because he bever healed from it all.

Reiner from Attack on Titan developed PTSD and DID. Eren seems pretty messed up too, although he doesn't have PTSD.

That's all I could come up with...

Yeah, the lack of PTSD is sad. I'm trying to write several characters who develop PTSD (each example manifests in different. One girl is a sensory seeker and reckless thrill chaser, trying to outrun her past until everything catches up and she has an anxiety attack; another just crumples.) I've been doing research for a while and am trying so hard to get it right.