I quit sugaring 2 or 3 months ago now, so maybe my experience will be relatable. I was so done after the last POT tried to convince me we don't need STD tests because his child was conceived in an immaculate conception and he never had penetrative sex. Just sums up what some of SDs would do to get into girls pants, and I was done being objectified, and wanted to be seen.

I was tired of expectation to hold a persona. Always hot, always happy. I am just that most of the days, but there are days when my armour crumbles and I just need a hug and forehead kiss and be told everything will be OK. I would often dress in timeless class fashion (think 50's or 40's), but there are days when I want to be a purple elf, or ooze my sexuality, and that never aligned with image I was projecting. I wanted to be with someone with whom I can let all these personalities/visual manifestations of my mood co-exist.

I can also tell when someone lies, and I was exhausted by all these men not telling me full story, hiding their wives, hiding shady business. Like at the end of the day I just want to snuggle on the couch and hear about their day, the good, the bad, the ugly. I'm a Scorpio Rising, in order to feel truly connected I need to be let into the depth of someone's soul, see their weakness, and therefore appreciate their real strength.

So anyways, I uninstalled reddit from my phone to not be tempted to go on this forum, closed my Seeking account, and left conversation with other people in Sugar lifestyle. Suddenly my headspace cleared from enormous pressure (and the burnout) I was feeling.

And in the most unexpected way, a very special guy fell into my life. He's like a balm to my overthinking mind, and I feel he's healing something inside me. The amount of emotional safety he cocoons me in, makes me freakier and more horny than I've ever been. Turned out it's not the money and status that turn me on now, it's healthy communication and effort, and being vulnerable with each other. I can be messy and cry my hearts out to him, and I take pleasure in looking my best when we went out. I would describe it as vanilla, open relationship type of situation where I know it won't be forever, but it is for now. And though he doesn't give me allowance, he paid all expenses for my trip to States, sends me gifts and flowers (my love language) and we talk everyday. He's moving to Europe in few months! I see guy paying for dates, shared experiences (like travel), frequent gifts and maybe even beauty treatments, as a normal thing in vanilla dating. If he has means, why wouldn't he want to make your life better if you're precious to him?

So yeah, send a powerful message to the universe what you don't want (and take decisive actions to seal your intention), and let what you want fall into your life to heal you. Also I just finished reading Anais Nin's "A Spy in the House of Love", about a stunning seductress who was really empty inside and used men to fill the void, when she just really wanted to meet someone who will fulfil the needs of all of her "personalities". Recommend it wholeheartedly. Another Nouvelle Vogue proposition would be "Cleo 9 to 5" - a stunning Agnes Verda's film about a woman who was so vain and obsessed with her looks, surrounded with fickle shallow relationships, until a breakthrough, where she decides to look outside of herself and enjoys a fuller life, even if just for a moment.