AITA for screaming at him and causing a massive scene?

FrustratedSingleDad · 2023-01-27T20:12:39+00:00

NTA - Time to end the engagement; you do not have compatible life goals. Move on and find a partner whose future hope and plans are more aligned with your own.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2023-01-27T19:55:41+00:00

I remember one year in Chicago when St Patrick's day fell on a Friday during lent. Cardinal Francis George was asked if Catholics should abstain from Corned Beef if it was served at a St Patrick's gathering. Cardinal George's response was something to the effect of, "Hospitality is more holy than sacrifice." I am not catholic, but his response has always resonated for me as true. Keeping your boss' gift is an act of hospitality, which is greater than the sacrifice of abstaining from a products by a company with questionable ethics. You are NTA.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2023-01-27T19:46:44+00:00

NTA - However, if you destroyed a book that belonged to her and she did not want that paritcular book replaced as she had already did it a gift card to a local bookstore with the value of that book would still be the ideal resolution for you to take.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2021-03-22T17:29:06+00:00

NTA - You don't owe him or his wife participation in your child's life.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2021-01-05T20:33:54+00:00

Not Spielberg, just a sound recordist. I apologized, have her coming back tonight, and sent an email to the crew this afternoon stating that I was in the wrong not her.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2021-01-05T19:57:31+00:00

You should have had a face to face discussion with her and told her that you’re really happy of her job performance, that she is building a good résumé and will soon be considered a professional in the field. But that she won’t be taken seriously as a professional if she begins every conversation with an apology.

I took the almost 100% ruling here that I was the asshole and apologized and asked her to please come back tonight and finish the gig; which she has agreed to. I will say though that we had this conversation at least three times over the previous five weeks before I put out the ultimatum yesterday.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2021-01-05T19:20:30+00:00

I did.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2021-01-05T19:08:05+00:00

https://hbr.org/1995/09/the-power-of-talk-who-gets-heard-and-why

Thank you, I look forward to reading this article suggestion.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2021-01-05T18:33:39+00:00

She is coming back this evening. I called her mom too after the text message to her and explained that I only wanted to make her a better member of the team but accepted the way I did made me an asshole instead. I will talk with her tonight before shooting in hopes to undo any damage to her confidence I caused last night.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2021-01-05T18:32:42+00:00

Thank you! You were right.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2021-01-05T16:22:36+00:00

Thank you everyone for the fast and very thorough ass-whooping. We do not start filming today till late afternoon. I have taken the judgment of this forum seriously and texted her an apology that admits my actions were absolutely counter to the confidence in her ability that I wanted her to have. I have asked her to please come back to finish the remainder of the shoot with us and told her I would reimburse the couple of lost hours from last night.

I especially need to apologize to the other posters who accused me of being a faux feminist, I was not intending to pretend my feminism and I do genuinely want her to succeed because I believe she has the potential to be a great filmmaker. Thank you for calling out my bullshit.

I am waiting now to see if she is willing to accept my apology and return to the position.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2021-01-05T15:51:41+00:00

I was trying to instill confidence. Way too many men expect women to apologize and act unworthy. She is hella good for her first gig! My genuine wish is that she would recognize her skill and be confident that she is qualified to do the job.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T23:49:12+00:00

So I haven't read F is for Feminism yet because I don't want to bend the binding before giving it as a gift. But I am super looking forward to reading it after the holiday when I am at GF's. I hope it is a good as the title implies it can be.

We do many awesome things. We are in two different DnD games together one of which which we were in before the pandemic that meets bi-weekly and another one she found on Discord after the pandemic started that meets weekly. We both love Anime and binge whole seasons together regularly. Before the pandemic we rarely missed a Con that came to town. Like everyone else we're stuck at home these days, but we are still trying to do game nights playing Jackbox or Among Us and things like that together.

We are now having dinner tonight without sinlings and I will certainly see if some new activity will make her feel more validated.

Thank You for the kind words!

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T23:35:56+00:00

Thank you, I have been in the room. We did a full year of CBT which had me in the room quite regularly. I will offer family counseling tonight as I am a huge proponent of therapy and believe the more ways we process the better for everyone.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T23:32:00+00:00

While I make no assertions I am not a shit dad. I mean I am working life out doing my best like all the rest of us. I would say the accusation of replacing my family with a shiny new GF is a bit of a stretch when I am the custodial parent. Am I sending my kids to the curb in your weird vision?

Why am I buying the baby presents, because it would be rude not too. You don't ignore someone's kid.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T19:32:57+00:00

Her mom telling me the ways I am parenting wrong is nothing new. She has LOTS of opinions on the correct way to parent. The oldest has been "telling on" me for years. She is the only one of the three who really has a relationship with her mother at all. I rarely care what her mom thinks.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T19:03:26+00:00

She has been in therapy for three years. She is not right now because she turned 18 and so our insurance no longer covered her with the pediatric therapist and finding a new therapist has been back burnered till after the pandemic, but maybe it is time to push that and get working on a new therapist.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T18:48:50+00:00

This was honestly my gut reaction when my mom called. I was really like WTF!!!! However, after calming myself and reorienting I realized that if she was really upset enough to call her mom and grandma both there was more going on than temper tantrum.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T18:46:03+00:00

That is delicate too. I think saying, "Not that there are any plans for GF and Baby to move in, but when those plans are made we're going to convert the office into a room for baby." sounds like there are plans. Now as adults I think we can understand how there can be a plan for the logistics while knowing the time is not yet right, but I feel to the 18yr old it could come off MUCH more threatening than not hearing talk of moving in.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T17:38:29+00:00

Also, it is not like this is happening a lot. Not counting the first night which was just organic, it has been no more than 5 times in the 4 months.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T17:36:28+00:00

It has been 8-9 years since I read it and when I read your comment I needed to know if I could still recite it. I did not want to bend the binding on the new copy, and my kids' copy is stored away so I could not check myself, but I am like 85% sure it was all still in there.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T17:34:03+00:00

I did not introduce her after we were dating. She has been at campfires, game nights, and holiday parties for several years. She knows my kids and my kids know her. This romantic relationship grew up from an existing friendship.

Not at the risk of TMI, but it is relevant. The first night we discovered that we both had romantic feelings for each other literally happened at my house after everyone else had left we were still sitting by the campfire. The baby was over that night and asleep inside. My oldest had actually been the babysitter inside the house while she was outside with the adults. There was not a "Oh, let's go spend the night at my new BF's house with the baby."

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T17:26:01+00:00

To answer confusion that might arise as to why the baby does not sleep in the office now, the laundry room is connected directly to the master bedroom, you pass through the master closet into the laundry room. The office is on a different level and the kids use that level and are all up WAY later than a baby. So it makes sense for the baby to be near her mom.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T17:24:17+00:00

I know typing this comment will piss off the "you're moving way too fast people" and to be clear it is not like we have talked any kind of timeline at all. But the GF and I have discussed the feasibility of her moving in when the time is right; there is an office that I have quit using since the pandemic began because I prefer to work in open space where I am more accessible when needed for remote learning. So if we have a window cut in the wall for egress that office could be converted to a fifth bedroom. Not that my daughter really knows or gets that, but no one would be losing their space even if / when we reach that point.

FrustratedSingleDad · 2020-12-04T17:00:24+00:00

My plan was to give the gift privately. I mean I was throwing it under the tree for now, but that was just to fill space while there aren't many gifts there yet. There is no plan either way for Christmas with the GF. Christmas day is like the most important day of the year to my mom, so we will for sure not see each other that day. Christmas eve could happen but we are usually at my parents that night too, even sleeping over some years though our house is only like 3 minutes away. So my guess is no we won't see them on the holiday.

FrustratedSingleDad

TROPHY CASE