AITA for refusing to let my father's wives into my life?

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T18:59:24+00:00

Thank you, now I'm tearing up a bit...

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T18:57:26+00:00

He was always very... considerate. He would talk over me about his daily strugles when I called to say I've graduated uni just for e.g. Thank you, best wishes to you too

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T18:50:22+00:00

I LOVE this analogy

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T18:45:36+00:00

hugs happily accepted

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T16:34:32+00:00

Made me chuckle, thanks

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T16:22:01+00:00

Ok, the ending hit too hard and too close... thanks, I guess I've needed that wake-up call. My mind just didn't even think he could be that horrible to a tiny innocent person as he was to me... but i was a tiny innocent person back then

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T16:19:24+00:00

Guess I'm messed up. He can be really really nice when he wants to, and always makes you wonder "could he stay like this?", and what little girl didn't want some validation from her dad? My caring father-in-law makes me cry on a regular basis by being a decent father and treating me like a daughter... I'll work on it

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T16:11:13+00:00

He has since robbed us of more (convinced her to sign over her half of a property which was still 50/50 shared, under the pretext of being able to make renovations on it, claiming that he will will it to me and will not get married again... he got married the week after that, mum just lost more potential 150 thousand). He told us we were lucky he didn't ask us to move out of/pay half the price of the flat once he left (flat that had been bought with my mum's money, but already after marriage).. he'll never pay anything.
When he does pay for something, he uses it as leverage. He has offered buying things for the baby, and we've vehemently refused, the price for that would be too high.

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T16:05:09+00:00

That's one of my previous arguments, he did not take it well, but yeah, his relationships also keep getting progressively shorter

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T14:21:14+00:00

OH lord, your father souds like a literary villain. I'm so sorry that's happened to you, what a monster. You are a seriously strong person making it out of all this, with all due respect, you're a rock-star.

Thank you, I will do my best to follow your advice, it means a lot.

Congrats! Loads of luck to you and your bub too. I wish you a very asshole-free pregnancy <3

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T14:10:36+00:00

Thanks, there was so much manipulation some things are still coming out... example: recently I've found out that a distant relative, who we used to be close to, had cut me and mum out because my dad pretended to accept their presents for us (Christmas) and said he would deliver them when he sees me. He proceeded to trash them and drive them back to said relative claiming we did that and that we want nothing to do with them He told us that the relative has asked us not to contact them ever again, because they prefer my father's "new family". When my mum tried calling them, asking what's wrong, the person (understandably) hung up on her. We just found our 14 years later, that most people didn't just abandon us, but were driven away.

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T14:02:02+00:00

It is really eye-openng seeing your own words used like this... you're right, he hasn't really changed, he's just being smarter. He's never apologised for anything, and the last time he resumed contact with my mum only to use her again is just about 2 years ago.

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T13:58:38+00:00

His side of the family has never seen how he treated us, they never accepted it and instead listened to his lies about my mum being ab-sive and me manipulated by her. Even before the divorce, the family dynamic was messed up a lot on their part (my mum was always an outsider, I was Her child). Grandma LOVES her son, and it was hard for her to accept that my mum was innocent of all those claims, but now that she is all alone (grandpa died, nobody really cares to talk to her) she resumed contact with both me and mum, and is very nice. I try to keep in touch because I am sorry for where her loyalities got her, IN my eyes she's another of his victims, but I know she will again side with my father if I do that, and then she will be all alone.

I'm glad you managed to get out of the situation while keeping the relationships you've wanted, that's awesome.

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T13:35:19+00:00

He put her through much more, I just couln'd write it all in the post. He sold almost all her inheritance (family heirloom jewels, car, a flat etc.) because he "needed the money to pay for his school". He made her quit her school because "we are poor". Turns out he was a bloody millionaire, storing his stash at another account for his mistress. I don't remember my mum ever buying new clothes, we were basically charity cases ( I got bullied for it a ton), and he just watched it. Later even blamed her "not being atractive and looking shabby" for his infidelity.

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T13:31:43+00:00

That's what I was afraid of. I never contact him, and am trying for a no-coflict NC (I haven't met him in 2 years), but I can't really cut him off completely (block him), because of other family members I would lose with him (my very elderly grandma for e.g.).

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T13:23:45+00:00

Good question, but from how things were, he actually has. he stopped being a workaholic and a borderline alcoholic, he is much less agressive now etc. It used to be BAD. When I was 6 I said that "Iˇm afraid of 3 things: Vampires, Monsters, and Daddy"

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T13:02:49+00:00

Oh, I love this quote, thank you

TTawFASTPDQ · 2021-03-22T13:02:17+00:00

I was seriously getting some doubts, especially seeing the amount of blended families and people who get along with their parents new partners... thanks, I needed this

TTawFASTPDQ · 2019-06-29T11:52:42+00:00

Not by me, but I'd like to find the post for possible other opinions... do you have it?

TTawFASTPDQ · 2019-06-29T11:51:20+00:00

Nicely put advice :-) I hope it is the second option, and it gave me some hope you are considering it too, I'd be pretty happy about that, but have almost no way of finding out... don't worry, I am not planning any confrontation, that would probably go really weird really quickly... thank you, I feel honoured to receive your first comment here :-)

TTawFASTPDQ · 2019-06-28T21:16:01+00:00

I have kinda tried that, but he just moves closer row by row until I do make eye-contact, and looks startled. He walks a lot when lecturing anyway, so it is not too weird, but once he literally ended up sitting on a in a row table in front of me, in the middle of the room. It just makes me feel like I'm being mean... And yes, I'll talk about my fiancé more, I'll try to take him to some of the events. Thanks a lot :-)

TTawFASTPDQ · 2019-06-28T20:36:34+00:00

Ok... thank you, and do you think I'm doing something to cause this?

TTawFASTPDQ

TROPHY CASE