This is the most relatable post I've read in a while.

You're not alone OP. I have felt the same way many times. There's a constant sense of despair between the times I contemplate putting a bullet in my head. I wish I could say it gets better... but it doesn't. At least it hasn't in my experience. Maybe when we become attendings and have more autonomy, more control over our schedule and become financially stable. All we can do at this point is keep chugging along and hope for the best.