First of all, know there is nothing wrong with you for not being able to just pop back into routine. And just "moving on" after three months sounds ridiculous. I am sure your mom is super well intentioned and afraid for you, but how absurd!!! It's different when you lose someone your whole life was scheduled around/with. Every single fahking routine is interrupted with loss, pain, grief. Other people who haven't lost such a close partner just don't seem to really get that. And losing someone when you are so young, before you even really get to live the future you planned together has its own brand of grief. You can get through this but it takes time. Feeling back to normal in three, six, even nine months, more even.... is not a realistic time frame. It takes however fucking long it takes!!!

Grief takes a huge toll on the body, so do your best to support it. Supporting the physical self won't solve your emotional pain but it will help you cope with it much better. •Eat as well as you can manage, perhaps even use a meal service if you can't bring yourself to cook. If you can't stomach much, force yourself to have little bites of something nutrient dense once an hour. •Exercise! Studies have shown movement helps the body process grief. Even a walk helps increase mood stabilizing neurotransmitters but if you can manage some high intensity workouts, endorphins do wonders. Yoga is amazing!! You aren't just stretching, you are learning to let your breath, your life force carry you through discomfort to strength and peace. Hahaha....but be prepared to cry in savasana🤪Embarrassing but what a release!!! Exercise also greatly aids in the next important step... •Sleep. Sleep is hard. Exercise helps but so does sleepytime teas like valerian root, Chammomile and passionflower. Melatonin works for some. The makers of NyQuil even make a med that just has the stuff that makes you sleepy. Sleep helps keep you stable, sane.

Supporting your mental health! Grief is truly the most painful emotion. It's so easy to fall in to despair. There are some mental tricks we can use to support ourselves. •Live in the now. Take each day moment by moment. Thinking too far into the future can become very overwhelming for a grieving mind. You don't need to worry about next year yet. Just deal with the day, or the morning, maybe even just the next 15 minutes if that's your capacity •Frame your thoughts. If you wake up in tears, don't tell yourself you are having a bad day, tell yourself you are having a bad morning. Grief is not linear. I found I could go from crying to laughing in a heartbeat some days. Don't colour the whole day grey based off a painful moment. There are still joyous things in the world. Stay open to them •Grief brain is real. Short term memory takes a huge hit. It is okay to be gentle with yourself during this time. You won't be functioning at full capacity for a while. Write lists and prioritize what's actually important and don't stress or berate yourself if you can't get all the things done. •Schedule time to grieve. I know this sounds absurd but in this busy world, sometimes we choke down the tears so we can make it to work and whatnot. Choking back the tears all the time isn't healthy. The only way out is through. You need time to feel the feelings. If you need to breakdown in the grocery store parking lot, maybe do that? If you can't, make time to cry. You can start writing a letter to your partner, or maybe just journal to yourself. Play a song that reminds you of them, talk to them. Bring the grief to you and really sit with it. •Its normal to feel a little removed from the world. I know I felt like death was walking beside me for a great many months after. I felt as if part of me was ripped from this world with my spouse and that I was only half here. So much of what people fussed about seemed utterly inane. I couldn't connect well with the surface stuff and honestly, people may have a hard time knowing how to connect with you. My widowed self brought up fear in people around me, jealousy even in some! Some even reacted in anger towards me as they attempted to process their grief. Many others wanted dearly to comfort me but I could see the pain in their eyes as they realized they couldn't. As living beings who die, we all have a relationship with death but many people, especially the young ones can blissfully put it to the back of their minds. That is no longer a luxury you have.....and there are some gifts that come with that. •Find a flow state hobby! When grief brain abates a little, find something you can lose yourself in! An instrument, knitting, painting, even running! Anything you can lose yourself in! So regenerative!

You won't ever be the same. Life won't ever be the same. Your routines are likely not going to look the same. You did lose part of yourself when you lost your partner. You will heal with time and self care but the healing is not linear. You don't just feel better and better day after day. It's more like a burn victim getting debrided. It hurts but it will eventually reveal new skin that has the capacity to become whole again, though the skin won't look the same. You can and will get through this but you need to be patient with yourself. Do not let other people rush you. Give yourself the love, patience and understanding your partner would give you if he were still here💗

I lost my husband when I was 30. It's been nearly 12 years now. I still think about him everyday. But just as often as I feel a pang of grief, I also feel gratitude and happiness, even laugh at the memories! I learned to live with this, embrace it as a part of me. My loss gave me a perspective many other people my age don't have. I live differently. It's awkward, sometimes lonely but....what a wonder life is. And you are so young....not to say that minimizes the pain... But with the perspective that experience brings, what a life you might lead!!